Ahhhhhh.....Mi Casa

Ahhhhhhh....I'm home. Mi Casa.

Flowers, humidity, warmth. Trees, seafood! I ate 3 pounds of crab legs the other night with my grandson. Sushi abounds! And the best Cajun food I've ever wrapped my lips around.

What did I do besides eat? Well, got my hair done, magnificantly done and a great visit with Hattigrace, though I wish I would have had more time. Then my daughter and I went for a pedicure and I relaxed as I overlooked the Gulf and sipped elixers and tea.

Got the termite program underway! Watered and watered. The family is not really good at watering and I have big chunks of missing green in the lawn. I will try to sneak some fertizer on this afternoon. (Hubby hates the stuff, because then you have to mow more often!) Tomorrow will go to see the other grandkids and have a cookout if all goes well. Time is flying by and I haven't been everywhere I want to be.....but we'll see what the days bring. This trip I decided to leave most everything to God and not be freaked out over damage at Casa, spots on carpet, clutter, holes in lawn, and other things that are minor to family, friends, sunshine, and a happy heart.

The Other Side of the Earth

http://www.time.com/time/photoessays/2006/afghanistan_multimedia/

Don't know how I got here to the above (link) website, but I go in and view the awesome photos and listen to the update. Not much news here in the U.S. It seems like even horror can become mundane. I watch the above clip to see what is happening in Afganistan now. I have heard little recent news about the country that inspired "shock and awe."

Now I'm led into more thought. How are we EVER going to extract ourselves from A. and Iraq? We created a new source of drugs to flood our country with. We created an all-time national debt high. We have a whole new flood of injured young people who will have to come home (U.S.) and cope with diminished benefits.

We have traumatized countries, countries = people. People equal our responsibility. We will pay for these wars for a long, long time with much more than our dollars and our illegally "borrowed" trust fund known as Social Security.

Indian Paintbrushes

Well, today I will do it. I will pack! I promise!

What a glorious day outside. I am not going to spend much time on the computer. Will sparkle my car up and vacumn the inside. There is not enough time to go find a fishing stream, which is what is calling me today! No more horizon phobia!

These beautiful flowers are the Wyoming State flower, the Indian Paintbrush. They are hardy, brilliantly colored little patches in the prairie. Other patches of flowers are peeking out - white ones, yellow ones and purple ones. Summer is much dryer this year - no lavish displays this year!

VORTEX

What is wrong with me? Horizons are bothering me. I feel like I might fall off the end of the horizon. That's why I like Costa Rica. It is warm, encompassing, and I feel planted on the planet. I look at photos of places with wide expanses and horizons and out my own window, and I feel disconnected and full of anxiety. I can't pack for my trip. I am frozen. I tried Expedia to see if I could stay longer when I manage to get there and it would cost me $1,000 for two more days. I know I can get in my car, drive to the shuttle, then go on to the airport, but my feet feel like sandbags. My ankles are swollen and my knees hurt and I don't know why. I have lost the massage therapist's phone number. Maybe if I just go to bed and try again tomorrow.

Deliciously, snugglfy cool! It is now 67 degrees, and top was 71 degrees here today.

I drove a friend to the out-of-town doctor today and basically did nothing which is unusual for me not to be participating in cerebral mulching.

It was nice to get caught up on entertainment magazines, US World & News, gastrointestinal pamphlets, and Consumer Digest.

I am now totally convinced, since we have had 4 straight running days without 70 mile an hour wind, actually NO wind, that I need, NEED, a bicycle. A grand bicycle. I want strength. I want fitness. I also found a pair of walking sticks - L.L. Bean is the source. Yay! Go for it Nana. I want to discover places of solitude and great fishing, and places to do pastel work with my portable french easel.

The photo is Alcova Lake, easily accessed by road. Thinking only the strongest knees could make it up the dirt road up to the highway outta there! I'll start small. Tomorrow. Or when I can find THE BIKE.

Share with Me

Just had my first watermelon of the season. It was perfect.
I remember my grandma never buying a watermelon until the 4th of July "because they might not be good. " It was a big deal. On the 4th, we would all gather out under the huge old willow tree that I spent many hours in as a child, surveying my world and daydreaming.

The smell of huge bushes of wild yellow roses would pervade the air on one side, and lilacs perfumed our world from the other side. Sweet peas lavishly draped the chicken wire fencing around an amazing garden. Fried chicken, fried in a cast iron frying pan tasted heavenly. Garden leaf lettuce graced with bacon drippins' salted perfectly was the crowning touch.

Now, I buy watermelons when I feel like it and eat them when I feel like it until my stomach says, "stop it!" I wish I could have given you the red, inside view, but preserving my precious scanner is more important! Also I noticed a crack in the glass. How did THAT get there? Maybe the same way the windows got opened today while I was at work. I distinctly remember going about closing them all because of the "dust bowl" across the street. We have had three uncanny days without the howling Wyoming wind. Now, I know why in Florida I felt a panic with every lovely day that I could not get enough of that day! I could never get over that feeling despite all the lovely days in Florida. I remember ......... it is because there are not that many "perfect" days here.

The Sands of Time and Crime

Yep, this is where I live. Well, close by. Not sure anything is living in this landscape but diamondback rattlers. Remind you of Iraq? Me too. For the life of me, I can't figure out why the folks in covered wagons just didn't keep going. They must have been REALLY tired!

I don't know much about the dust bowl, but I think what little I do know, I am relating to. For some crazy reason, instead of building housing here, they are building motels, dozens of them! Which, when the "boom" is over, will sit empty and decay and make the town even uglier. (As is evidenced by falling down motels left over from previous countless boom cycles.)

Guess I'm feeling frustrated because I thought I could make a difference coming here to work in government. But it seems to be the "same old story." Haul out the resources, leave the land a dustbowl and the buildings empty. Do not provide for families. Come on in folks, to work in the energy fields. Buy a new huge diesel pickup and make it roar when you go down the road. Yeh, you're a stud, alright.

A Mexican National was recently arrested in the State for bringing 100's of pounds of meth in to sell to whites and Indians both, (this particular drug czar likes to destroy Indians particularly), more meth to kill our children. He got life, but is appealing of course. Meth is running over the borders with many nationals who are looking for a better life alright - and selling the number one murder drug is more profitable than working in the fields. Beware the propaganda............

Once when I lived here before, I worked for a newspaper and began to write a story on illegal immigrants. It was a huge problem 25 years ago, but law makers and government had their heads conveniently in the sand of the dust bowl all the way up to the top levels of government. I received a call and a death threat. I did back off the story, it wasn't worth my life or the lives of my children. Now, that I'm older, I'm sure that taking a risk to expose criminals who bring Mexican nationals across the border to work cheaply would be even less welcome than it was 25 years ago. Greed is greed and stays the same through the decades. In my research I found that nationals bought into this area often did not leave with any money, as they were charged for writing letters, for translating, for all the things they could not do, and the greed mongers got their wages, so what was the use to enter illegally?

Enough - I should have strong legs from climbing on soap boxes!

The Truth Shall be Known or Dark Doll #5

This is a doll from the Krakow death camp (from the website below.)

Despite my penchant for doing dark doll art, I truly hate evil. I was helping a little friend with a report on Nazis and found this: Doesn't say much for psychiatry, I don't think. I remember, in the dim past of my hippy/bohemian days of bragging about reading Nitsche. How awful and disgusting! Well, for whoever is reading, never, never, never, never forget the Holocaust. How can a whole nation be led into such horror? It should well be a lesson for all of us.

Dr. Paul Nitsche

A founding member of the German Racial Hygiene Society, the prominent psychiatrist Nitsche long combined the advocacy of treatment, including occupational and electroshock therapy, for “fitter” patients with support for “mercy death” for “incurables.” A member of the Nazi Party since May 1933, he served as deputy, then head, of the T-4 medical office, the division charged with selecting patients for transfer to T-4 facilities.[POSTWAR JUSTICE] In 1947, Nitsche was placed on trial in Dresden by East German authorities for his crimes in the T-4 "euthanasia" program. The psychiatrist received the death penalty and was executed in 1948.

Visit here:

http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/

Dark Doll Number 4

I've done it again. There is something definitely alluring about digital photo art. I haven't called Verizon nor done any oil painting, but I did do another in the "dark doll" series.

The Eyes Say it All

I love this photo. So funny.

Remember the Verizon story? I found my cell phone today in a dresser drawer in a plastic bag containing my vacum cleaner information & warranty. Have I totally lost every brain cell that matters?

Now, I am going to quit proscratinating, because this might be a sign. I am going to go call Verizon because they still don't have my bill straight. I wish I had even $5.00 an hour for each hour they have wasted with their incompetent ignorance. Yes, its true! They keep telling me its fixed!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Sister, or Number 3 in Dark Doll Series

Happy birthday, dear Sister! May your path be lighted brightly, may your coming days be in peace, may all the tempest be stilled, and wonderful new days ahead. And may your cup always be running over with "bee sic clay."

Getting Ready

Came home tonight and started a cappuchino. But the coffee was moldy (old coffee from Quepos, Costa Rica) - so I threw it away. Will have to get a six months' Expresso supply from Starbucks when I get to Florida.

Started to pack. Need to make lists of what to take, what to bring home. Cooked my mahi-mahi to dry slivers, and the spinach much too soggy. Need to call Verizon to get my bill straightened out, but hey, if they can't straighten it out after a couple of months, will it ever happen? One more day won't hurt.

Get Ms. Meowie prepared for her stay at the boarding place. What clothes to take? I almost can't envision summer anymore. I believe I stuck those "hot" clothes somewhere.

Oh, for a green place. The last few days some company has been grading a huge space across the road - dust in the air - hard to breathe - ugly, ugly, every green thing attempting to grow is gone. More view of dirt. How exciting. Soon, more views of trailers. If this were permanent, I would just check out. Temporary I can stand. Boomtown!

Dear Beach, see you soon!

Tropical Angel

Walking on Water

I have spent two years agonizing about what my purpose is in being in this wind swept, and as Bob Dylan eloquently sang, "north country-side, where the wind blows heavy on the border line."

Lately, the Lord has been impressing me to begin each day just verbally telling him that I am ready to perform any instructions that He gives me for the day, and that I need to give the day completely over to him for whatever He wants me to do and asking Him to please help me hear Him completely. (Sometimes I am a little hard of hearing, spiritually and in "the natural.") Verbally stating this will cement my quest for "purpose" and where "purpose" really comes from in my heart and wandering mind.

Ok. One thing for the general instructions, now, God, what about the specifics, the "here's step one....," etc in the loud booming voice? He gently reminds me "How many times have I spoke to you in a loud, booming voice?" "Well, God," I reply, "....uh, never?" "Exactly," He answers.

I think "Hmmm, what does the scripture say........ah, its about knocking and seeking Him, isn't it?" With all my heart! "What God, no more spooky movies?" "What does your heart tell you?" he replies. Okay, I'll give up dawdling in adrenalin that those spooky movies dish out. BUT another point - I am to conquer the spirit of Death in my own personal realm that He has given me authority over.

Gently, as I have in the past heard him speak, gently my heart tells me, "Well, do you want to walk with Him holding His hand, or just have Him as a friend that you let in when you have time?" Oh, OUCH! I'm so sorry God, help me in my weak mind! And I feel so frustrated thinking I may have wasted a year and one-half in "not getting it." I search the web, and I find the pattern - the pattern that shows me the way toward "Walking on my water."

I'll share it: Here it is: from a prophetic website: Sandie Freed: "Crossing Over Into Your Fulfilled Destiny"
It seems that I, along with numerous other prophets, have prophesied this same prophetic declaration for many years…"It’s time to cross over!" This decree of "crossing over" is referring to spiritually crossing over our Jordan to possess our breakthroughs and blessings in our Land of Promise or "The Promised Land."For a very LONG season we have been experiencing God’s "chronos" time. Chronos time refers to the natural time, the daily "grind" of life. This is the season in which we go through our normal daily activities, believing and hoping for the "kairos" time, which is the exact moment when the supernatural SHIFT occurs and we are launched into our promise.This is the time for you to shift into your next season of possession. Plunder the enemy’s camp, and take back all that was stolen, plus receive your promise of breakthrough and blessing in every area. Make this confession today, "I am crossing over!"Know Your Season for Enlargement--God is Overshadowing You with His Presence!The Months of March/April in Hebraic terms is referred to as Adar which means "The Pregnant Month." This is when our spiritual womb is being prepared for enlargement. A supernatural pregnancy involves the Lord overshadowing each of us with His glory. Remember when Mary, the mother of Jesus, received the prophecy that she would become pregnant with Jesus? She was overshadowed by the Lord’s presence and later birthed the prophetic declaration given to her by the angel, Gabriel. (See Luke 1:26-35). Mary’s response to the word of the Lord was "...be it unto me according to thy word." She was quick to come into full agreement with the will of God and then experienced her season of enlargement (pregnancy). Mary not only fulfilled her destiny, but she gave birth to the destiny of another! The very same potential is within each of us--to receive our prophetic destiny, become enlarged and pregnant with God’s will, then give birth to not only our future but also the future of the KINGDOM! As we come into full agreement with God’s Word, He will overshadow us with His presence and release us into our season of enlargement. Let’s not be like Zacharias, who doubted Elizabeth’s ability to overcome her barrenness. He was struck with dumbness, so that he could not speak negatively. His negative confessions may have aborted God’s plans, so the Lord caused him to not be able to speak out against His divine will. Though Elizabeth was cursed with barrenness, God desired to bless her womb. The Lord also desires to bless us and our spiritual wombs! It is His desire to release us from ALL barrenness and desolation and to also speak life into dormant dreams and destiny.A Time Such As This: Being Overshadowed with Divine Destiny!The time elements of God were historically built around Feasts. We have recently been in the specific season when the Jews celebrated the Feast of Purim. The feast was established by Esther as a season of remembrance. Esther wrote a written decree that every generation would remember this time because the curse of death and destruction from Haman, the Amalekite, had been revoked. And that these days should be remembered and kept throughout every generation, every family, every province, and every city; and that these days of Purim should not fail from among the Jews, nor the memorial of them perish from their seed. (Esther 9:28) Most of you can easily recall the story of Esther and how she came forth "for such a time as this." She, as well as all of her household (including the entire Jewish nation) was destined to experience enlargement and deliverance (See Esther 4:13-14).
Haman, a descendent of King Agag, the Amalekite, had devised an evil plot to destroy not only Esther, but the entire Jewish nation. Mordecai appealed to Esther and reminded her of the Jewish destiny concerning deliverance and enlargement. Mordecai said that deliverance and enlargement was destined to come, but unless Esther stepped into her place, neither she nor her descendents would witness the enlargement. Esther must have realized that her moment in history to make a difference had arrived. Though she most likely did not plan for her life to take this particular charted direction, Esther must have realized the potential for aborted destiny. As a result, Esther applied faith to the favor granted her, laid down her life, and then she approached the king. Like Esther, we must have faith that God has given us abundant favor and then begin to walk in that new measure of Godly favor.Two Death Structures Threaten Our EnlargementEsther knew that there were two death structures against which she would be at war. One was the fear of death. Esther knew that if she were not summoned by the king, she could lose her life. If the king’s scepter were not extended, the penalty for presumptuously approaching the throne was immediate death. Esther laid down her life for the destiny of the Kingdom!The second death structure was already in the making. It was a literal structure with a hangman’s noose awaiting...the gallows. Haman ordered the construction of the gallows, specifically to hang Mordecai. Precious Saints of God, the enemy has also plotted against each of us. The Amalekite stronghold, which aborts your destiny, eagerly awaits your destruction! However, if we choose to die to self and embrace the advancement of the Kingdom of God, we can be empowered to walk in our full potential and achieve our destiny. I have written several chapters on the Amalekite spirit, and how this evil strongman aborts destiny in my book, Destiny Thieves. (Destiny Thieves is available from the Elijah List; please see the description and the ordering information at the end of this word). It is very important for each of us to realize that we are in a kairos NOW time! In order to fully cross over into our future, our Promised Land, we must defeat the Amalekites. Defeating and Overthrowing Death StructuresEsther defeated the death structures by not only laying down her life for the benefit of the Kingdom, but also through divine favor. However, this awesome level of favor was given to Esther because of her character. She had endured twelve months of purification. Twelve is the symbolic number of government. As a result of her dedication to purity, she was empowered to walk into a governmental position where she was given power to reverse a decree of death against her, her household and the entire Jewish nation. If we also lay down our lives, develop the Kingdom mentality, and allow the Lord to purify our motives, then it is possible that the same ability to reverse decrees of death will be given to each of us! Don’t Attempt to Skip!To receive divine empowerment to overthrow death structures, we cannot skip the myrrh season! It will not be over in just one day; Esther had 6 months with this oil. Myrrh is bitter to the taste, yet has many healing qualities. Though we go through bitter experiences, we must allow the Lord to heal our hearts and settle us firmly into His divine plans. Myrrh was also an oil which prepared bodies for burial. Once more, we recognize how valuable it is to die to self and selfish ambition in order to gain power and authority on this earth. Esther’s Hebrew name was Hadassah, meaning fragrance of the myrtle tree. This is the fragrance we must also carry with us as we approach the King to gain favor. As a result, we too can shift demonic structures of death and release life to our circumstances.Decree a Thing and it Shall be EstablishedThou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways. (Job 22:28) When we make a decree, the Word of God says that it becomes established. In other words, the decree can become a foundation upon which to build. Many of us are attempting to build our future, but we are not coming into agreement with God’s Word. Therefore, we are also not decreeing what God has already spoken concerning the situation. Satan has already devised a plan of destruction against us. For many of us, we have battled the spirit of death, and aborted dreams, since the time of our birth. However, we can reverse every decree the enemy has made concerning our lives by writing a NEW decree.Esther wrote a new decree, and it released the entire Jewish nation from a death assignment. We, also, can write a new decree, and that new decree will reverse the curse of death. Just like Esther, God is giving us the same opportunities to write a decree concerning our finances, our health, our children, our houses and whatever concerns us.
Esther 8:7-8 says, "Then the king Ahasuerus said unto Esther the queen and to Mordecai the Jew, Behold, I have given Esther the house of Haman, and him they have hanged upon the gallows, because he laid his hand upon the Jews. Write ye also for the Jews, as it liketh you, in the king’s name, and seal it with the king’s ring: for the writing which is written in the king’s name, and sealed with the king’s ring, may no man reverse."
Notice in Esther 8:7-8 that Esther was given the house of Haman (How many of you desire a new house? Decree it!) She was told to write a decree, "as you like," and then God would seal it. The decree was written in everyone’s own language so that it was easily understood. Pray, Get God’s Direction, Write the New DecreePlease take some time to pray, and write a decree in your own words. Get real with God. Pour out your heart to Him, and let His Spirit guide you while you write a new decree over your life. Getting up-close and personal with Father will ensure that your decree is from a pure motive. Then, write out a new decree and believe God to reverse the curse of death.Here is an example of a written decree (but, remember, this needs to be in your own words):Father, I realize that the devil has decreed death and destruction over my life. I have battled with a spirit of poverty and hopelessness for a very long time. I believe it began from the time I was born. Since I was a child, I have battled fear and anxiety. I realize that this is NOT what You have decreed over my life. You have stated in your Word that I am called and chosen. Your Word states that I am the head and not the tail. I receive a new measure of faith today. I decree that I will no longer be fearful because I am trusting in You. In the name of Jesus, I repent from being in covenant with the words of satan, and I believe that I am loosed from captivity. I am being established and positioned for abundant wealth according to Your divine purpose. Amen.Tell the devil..."IT IS WRITTEN!"When Jesus was in the wilderness and satan tempted Him, Jesus replied to his enemy with these words..."It is written...." Now that you have written your decree that reverses the curse of death and destruction, tell the devil "IT IS WRITTEN", and shift into your new measure of victory.Cross Over Into Your Promise!

The Blob

I spoke to my daughter after surgery today. Today they removed a large mass from her hand that looked like "black jello" and took bone from her hip and made two new knuckles and replaced the "eaten" bone between with more hip bone and wired it all together. Other than that, and the fact she seems peaceful, I know little. Her significant other called me with that, and Chuck, her dad, who was supposed to be there for the surgery didn't call. I wish I were there. The biopsy results should be in about six days from now. The doctor predicts six months of healing needed.

Blogger Bluuuuuues

Sorry folks, I added a link, and then the sidebar slid to the bottom. The beginning of trouble! I have been trading templates, changing code, searching "help" all to no avail. My advice is "don't mess with your blog template!"

Anyway - welcome to my new format, and the sidebar is at the bottom and I have lost all my links. Oops.

Oh boy - I added this blog and the sidebar returned. Now, if I can only figure out where the code is for the ORANGE headers.

Face to Face

I don't know why my son seems to be enveloping me these past days, perhaps he is trying to say something to me. So I go back to the book he wrote for words from him and feel full of gratefulness for the relationship he had with God.

Here is his poem: "Face to Face" inspired by lst Corinthians 3:12. (Dang it, tears are messing up my makeup!)

I think of Rod's words, "Oh, Spirit, take me," as his longing to be enveloped by the Holy One cries out through the words of the poem..............

Someone said the worst thing that could happen to a parent happened to me - no, not the worst thing.......the worst thing would be losing a child and not knowing what his relationship was with the Lord.

Yeshua, Great Jehovah, Yahweh, with your flowing spirit, rolling across eternity as a vast ocean wave, I am beginning to see you as you are.

Passing, passing, into a weightlessness, drifting, drifting towards a destination that shall swallow this small spirit in blinding light, all consuming light, engulfing me, every fiber with blurring love.

"Oh, Spirit, take me," sings my soul, as one sweetly melting, blending...into a deep, luminous mist.

I can taste your water of life from which I am destined to drink, as I become more like the All-Father.

Across the Rivers of Foreverness I now walk, hand in hand with He who holds the seven stars, towards a place of no recall.

Soon to be glorified as a million splitting atoms in a fervent fusion of souls.

Yes, Jehova Rapha, let it be as You have predestined of eternity past, that I and my kind after your seed, may return to the Heart of Hearts, Soul of Souls.

Nostalgia

ACKKK ACKKKK ACKKK have picked up a virus, I think from my innocent grandchildren. ACKKK. I can't download or upload a thing anywhere except AOL. I have some suspicions that AOL is the virus, rather than the granchilluns. I swore I would never use it again --- I did, now my computer doesn't work right again. Coincidence?

Ahhh, mutiny on the bounty at work. Peace was short-lived. Oh , for the priviledge of firing someone's buTT!

Snowing here, big flakes, went to work in open toe birkies, a light sweater. Came home with wet toes but I did remember my wool babushka scarf from Russia. At least I was warm and dry on mah haid.

Casper - green, warm, trees budding - back here to the Continental Divide - butt cold, snowing, all brown.

Hmmmm, you know I don't remember dying those kitties. Was it perhaps in the big hippie house in Iowa? We sure did grow garden there, didn't we? I made saurkraut and wanted to make headcheese, but couldn't find a hawg's head anywhere. Remember the pumpkin patch and taking all the little ones to run amok and choose pumpkins we could hardly carry?

Easter

Hope everyone who is reading this will have a meaningful Easter.

I'm off to my mother's house but wistfully wish I were home dying eggs with my grandchilluns'. Its warm in the South and I'm cold, and tired of feeling suffocated in layers of clothing.

In this high plateau it takes spring longer to arrive than the rest of the state, and summer leaves more quickly. I am determined to enjoy it when it gets here. Perhaps when I reach the end of that bubble that seems to isolate this town, green will greet me? Maybe?

The antelopes know it is spring - they are all out in droves, grazing the new growth that only they can see. Soon they will be fat. I wish I could get a close up of one of these graceful creatures for you, but they are so shy!

This photo above is my digitally mastered, pink manipulated spring? tree to express my joy at the coming spring. (This is as close to azaeleas as I can get right now!) This is "springtime in the Rockies."

BLESSED EASTER!

Lost it Again

And just after a Sunday Sermon that made me decide to be more Christ-like. I lost it big tonight.

Here's the trail:
Last week:
Tuesday - Commissioners' Meeting from hell.

Wednesday - come home at noon and find all windows out of back of house, front door wide open, cupboards open, and all this in the midst of a dustbowl blowing in before the rain. (What were the glass installers doing in my cupboards??) Call landlords, complain. They say they will stay at the apt. until the glass people come back. Call glass company and chew them out. Come home after work and begin the cleanup. Sand so bad on all surfaces it is turning to mud. Ok, vacum surfaces, then scrub!

Thursday - landlords hire cleaning lady to help me finish cleaning up stove full of sand, dishes, silverware, beds, it is EVERYWHRE.

Friday - company arrives! An old "best" friend. We talk our brains out and have Margauritas. One is two much for me, so why did I do that two nights in a row? Don't feel so good.

Saturday - more friend, now there are three - the old gang, "the three muskateers," yay! Good talk, love, but too much griping about my husband on my part. Guilt. Both of them have suffered more than me, I have no right to complain about a husband that refuses to communicate about anything from the least bit important to the most important, thereby stifling any hope of a relationship. But then I think one thing "Brokeback Mountain" taught me - some, maybe a lot of men can't communicate effectively, and I wonder if that is not only with women but with one another.

Sunday - church with my friend, Lent conviction of how much our sins cost our Lord, then lunch at Su Casa - excellent little place for Tex-Mex. Then she leaves for home, and I decide to drive out to the dam about 30 miles out of town. Photos, walking along the Platte River, gathering of willows. Sunday night - ah, not enough sleep.

Monday - come home, beyond tired, exhausted. Another employee quit. Another recruiting & hiring time consuming run, on top of usual duties. Phone talk to oldest daughter who has rare bone tumor in hand and is freaking out because it is growing daily and the doctor cancels her surgery. Fall in bed, oversleep on Tuesday.

Tuesday - intercession at lunch. Go home at 7:00 and find little spooky things - the sprayer on back of sink laying across the drainer - I never use the sprayer. OK, here we go again, am I nuts? Demonic manifestations? Multiple Personality Disorder? Hmmm. Begin washing lettuce for supper and water pours all over my feet, floor, carpet (ah, classic horror movie symptoms of a possessed apartment!!!) - oh yeh, another mess, just exactly what I was hoping for. Call landlord, yes, I'm nasty - not only because of ANOTHER mess but ANOTHER invasion of privacy. I have two phone numbers they COULD use to tell me they would be in my apartment for repairs while I am away. I slammed the door to my bedroom and cleaned up a website while they cleaned up the flood!

Her - miffed because I am mad - he - making excuses, shuckin' & jivin'. I told them (for the 138th time) the issue is my privacy, I want to know when someone is in here! If I leave underpants on the back of the chair to dry, I want to option of putting them away before someone comes in here. I pay rent, I have a right to privacy. She left mad, he left like he'd been caught in something pretty wicked. So, I guess I'll wait to see if I'm getting evicted.

So another day of struggling with the flesh, the mind, while the spirit finds spaces to bask in the warmth of God's presence. I look to Mother Teresa of Calcutta and wonder at her - I saw her little gutsy self once railing at an audience because of abortion - another time, holding a sick starving child to her heart. Hmm, I wonder. I think I shall go buy her book, maybe there are secrets there to help with all this silly struggle. At least I have blankets, food, a roof, loved ones, a job, so much, so much. Thank you Lord, and I pray, accept my praise, overlook my selfish concerns.