The River

Thursday is prayer group day. A small but powerful number of us get together and call upon God for His wisdom, His kingdom, and just ask Him for His love to come down and surround us. There are times we feel His presence so powerfully, tears flow and we want to stay forever.

I've found myself wondering where we (humankind) are going with N. Korea thumbing its nose at civility and acting like a bully to the world. I've found myself in fear for all that I've known to be blown to smithereens and what would happen to my grandkids and kids? What will happen to me sitting out here on top of oil, coal, uranium, gas, with unbelievable inflation where a modest two bedroom apt. or trailer in the middle of the dirt costs a $1,000 a month?

In our group, we've received visions individually that we share with one other, hopefully with our limited human knowledge to try to figure out what is happening in the world, in our lives. We've seen rivers, rapid growth, acceleration. I've cursed the wind here, the wind that howls, the wind that blows dirt in your face and house, the wind that cuts, the wind that ruins hair and drys skin like a prune. A pastor gave me a prophetic word not to curse the wind because God is moving in it - moving for change. I still fall back and curse the wind.

Again today, I saw a fast moving river with a headwater where a person stood waiting. In addition, two huge angels stood to either side of the headwater and there was a lever on one side, much like that of a carnival ride. One angel was waiting for instruction to push the lever to start the action that would open the headwater and release the person into the river. The person in the headwater was nervous, somewhat fearful of the "ride" down the river. The word was to pray for courage and willingness to ride the water.

More "words" come in from prophetic websites, "words" from here and there, sermons, books saying that the world, and all that is in it, is changing and changing at an accelerated rate. What does it all mean? I don't know. But in the midst of the mighty blowing wind of change I see angels moving very fast back and forth on the currents of the wind. What are they attending to with such urgency?

We will see...I remember several years ago praying everyday for nine months, "Oh, Lord, bless me indeed, enlarge my territory....," etc. You remember the "Jabez prayer?" I lost my good paying job...down, down the river I plummeted in pain, "failure," and fear, somehow right into art school - a lifelong "wish" and dream. I didn't know how I would pay for it, how I would make it through because I had to work. And I'm "no spring chicken." God took me from semester to semester. It was hard. It was fun. And I learned God knows where He's going and we're going.

Then just at the finish of school, this position opens up out here in this vacant, windswept land. I undertook one of the most difficult journeys of my life. I don't know where I'm going next - maybe home, home to my babies. I just know that sometimes God does not tell us where that river is going because if we could see the rapids on the way to the destination we would jump out and not end up at the place He wants us to be, and His kingdom plans for us would be short circuited.

I want his best, even if it means not feeling so good for a while. I pray, "Dear God, don't leave me behind!"

And I'm not so good on waiting on His timing for the trip or the end of the trip.