I am so sad - I logged onto the computer to check email and found one from my former boss and long time friend informing me that a young man who had come very close to marrying her daughter, committed suicide last night. He was a charming, sweet, appealing kind of guy who had bailed us out with his wonderful talent and training in computer technology when the crazy (like a fox) girl quit after primary elections so she could be eventually "placed" into position of County Clerk.
He was a strong pillar for us when the political climate turned parties and plots were underway to make us disappear without having any consequences arise.
He couldn't have been too much older than my son when he passed away. I think of so many other young men who have died too soon and left big gaps in the world and our hearts. I don't understand. But....
Things I have learned:
Love will not save a person.
No matter what you do, some will be lost.
If they "screw up," let them know that they will do better next time and you are still there. (Some things transcend this one, be wise!).
Cherish the time you spend with someone who clicks with you.
Be kind, always be kind even when you have to tell them the truth.
Realize that things happen in other people's lives that we can maybe never know about or maybe never understand, things that leave dark stains upon their hearts from which they, for one reason or another, can not recover and no matter how good they are, they go.
Do not beat yourself up when that person dies, because it won't do a bit of good, and the person that has died would be very upset with you if you do. Instead, honor the person's life, the good that came from that person and the beautiful part of the impact they had on life.
Never take anyone for granted.
Tell them if you think they are great. And tell them, "Hey, you've made my life better for knowing you."
Realize that at any time you can lose the person who is standing next to you this moment.
Take care friends of yourself and each other.
8 comments:
So sorry to hear this Gardenia. Suicide is something completely un-understandable if you've never been there. I've been there and I still don't understand it. The list you came up with is very wise indeed.
Wise words. Thank you!
I've been through suicides too and it's the worst thing that can happen to a person. Those of us left behind play the "what if" game for years and years. It's damned near impossible to make peace with yourself.
I am truly sorry for your loss!
Have experienced this first hand.
Also, my daddy lost his five closest friends to suicide.
Must say too that your insight is profound!
It's so sad, have a few scars myself, glad i am a failure. I have a friend that had a husband and 2 sons suicide, she has tremendous guilt over it, thinking that if she only paid better attention that she could have saved them all. We just had a 21 year old kid jump off our local bridge this week...I used to think about it before meds but not now.
I think if truth be known, almost all of us think of "it" but don't. For me, I'm too darn codependent - I worried about how people would cope and also thought no one else would take good enough care of my kids.
I am sorry for your sad news. Young peopel have a hard time of it these days...and especially in rural areas. There is little public service announcements and often behaviours are more tolerated in cities than in small towns. Not to mention substance abuse.
(this coming week on Oprah she is having a show about a whole family on heroin...in a small town ohio...because there isn't anything else to do in the town?)
Candy, drug abuse was unbelievable to me in the small town I was in a few years ago, from the "bottom" clear up to the "top" of the class structures. I was so amazed to find the community so mired down - - - - you are right when I think about it.
I wonder too, if for some in a small town, if it is a sense of isolation and hopelessness - well, that can occur in big places too - but there is something about a small town - although small town life really agrees with some...(not me!)
Oh Gardenia, I'm so sorry about your loss, and also for me this is so sad to read this because this young man seemed to have so many talents.
"Never take anyone for granted." : that is so, so true. So true. And sometimes so hard to remember.
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