Fuzzy Troubles

Mr. Psycho, poor dear, looked up at me and I noticed an egg sized (large egg) swelling on the side of his face. That was Thursday, he had an appointment Friday and by then was really in bad shape. He was definitely in distress, pain, shaking his head and his leg. He had an abscess of unknown origin and had to have surgery for drainage and a shunt put in as well as a course of antibiotics.

Truthfully, I suspected Big Mama, aka Ms. Meowie of foul play. She is soooo bossy, pushing him around all the time - she could have bopped him. She guards my bedroom and won't let the poor boy in, although its odd, I think she knows he's a walking wounded and she let him in for a nap with me today. She often herds him away from the area where I feed them. I always make sure he gets to eat, he's a nice meaty 12 pound cat...so he's ok there. Multiple cat houses present their problems.

Anyway, he's home from vet and overnight stay, sleeping a lot, but also occasionally begging to go outside - silly boy.....NOT! The brats have been expensive this month - flea meds - and as soon as his infection is gone, they both need their vaccination updates. Silly me, I was just begging "H" to get me another Maine Coon, a rescued one - must have temporarily lost my mind.

"H" has gone up to see if he can give grandson some relief from "chores" and pressures and maybe we can take him to dinner.

I keep sleeping, sleeping, sleeping - I think my lungs are perceptibly better, now if sinuses will heal! I've tried the pot of steaming mustard water.....woo hoo - like inhaling sushi, wasabi fumes that is!

How nice! We can now size photos on blogspot. I just can't find the delete feature. I don't like the most recent "tweaking" of the program. Oh well, they didn't ask me anyway.

Saturday will be week two of this virus/whatever. I've been getting up with the sunrise, and living life in a series of naps. I have all kinds of engagements to be at this weekend, not sure if I'll make it to any, we'll see. Not only am I extremely low on energy, but the sinus infection portion of the illness lingers on. I do not want to make anyone else sick by going to events where there is close contact, food, etc.

This weird lifestyle is kind of fun, but at heart I'm a regular hours kind of person, so I suppose I will be switching back to 10 or 11 bedtime soon and arising around 6 or 7 a.m. in order to get something done in the day time.

The weather has tipped cool enough to go walking in the a.m. "H" is content to sleep until its time to go to work - so the plan is, as soon as I am well, to find some new, safe, walking paths and enjoy the sunrise with or without a companion. I hate exercise, but then when I can't do it, I long to get back to it. At these times I wish I had a dog that was protective. Recently, at any time, a protective dog would have been nice.

The times are gone when I will go to isolated areas by myself. This is not a walking conducive town - many people get run over and killed here - just walking and minding their own business.

I was surprised - even a "backward" state like Wyoming seems to have lots of walking paths placed in pretty areas - there is a new gym around the corner - but expensive. The economical one is across town so have to add gas to a membership. I resist giving someone access to my bank account for "monthly" fees - been there and done that and these deals are just about impossible to get out of. I think I need to invent some ideas that would make the elliptical less boring. It's safe, dry, maximum output for time invested - but yes, boring. And, after the huge, muggy summer, I crave fresh air. Would love to open wide the windows and let fresh air in.

One window is covered in a mass of rotting vegetation. I keep wanting to go pull the vines down but thinking a lot of fungus in the sinus and lungs right now is probably not a good idea.....everything needs its fall fertilization, the lawn, the palms, the trees. I need to do stuff that includes inhaling puffs of "stuff" into my lungs. My 83 year old mother that had the recent hip operation is out digging, pulling, preparing for winter - I can't fathom 35 degree weather yet, but know it happening! I wish I had her constitution. She's rarely ill. She's still convinced that death is imminently close - go figure.

I had better get moving, cleaned up, etc....art lessons, trip to vet, to store for still life materials - make art area presentable.....find cat cage......gallery show tonight. I miss grandson something awful - - perhaps he'll be able to come for short visit tomorrow - will have snacks ready -

I think I will go up to the store and get some pumpkins and maybe corn - have someone coming for art lessons - would make a great still life for charcoal. Probably shouldn't be inhaling that either - don't know whether to call the doctor again for another antibiotic or just let it wear itself out. Its obviously a penicillin resistant bacteria, if indeed its a bacteria. My doctor prescribes through messages sent to his office help. Oh, I forgot - Psycho's baseball growth is back on the side of his face - I will try to get him to vet this today - I have to! I wonder maybe if she would check my sinuses? If he is getting abscesses from Big Mama bopping him, I have a bigger problem.

Notices she's getting even overprotective of my bed - she was trying to butt "H" out last night! Just got rid of a freak who wants to run my house - now a cat? Do I look like a "pansy?" A pushover? Don't answer that.

Explaining the Need for Armor

What is this, you ask? Well, there is a story behind it. I am a walking accident waiting to happen. I fall down, I bruise myself, I cut myself, I burn myself, also sometimes say things that set people off (not meaning too - I crave peace!) - in other words, full blown clutz-ness is my lot. I would rather project an image of timeless, beautiful grace, but.....

"H" does not allow me to have sharp knives. I would be frustrated with all my knives - so dull - except, well, being an independent woman, I purchased a sharp, super sharp serrated knife, AND a super knife sharpener and went to town sharpening all my knives to razor sharp beautiful cutting tools. Yep, did it - a serrated knife cut hurts worse than a regular knife cut I believe. So "H" bought me a coat of armor - for my hand.

Grandson gets upset if I pluck my eyebrows at a stop light - he is sure someone will rear end me and I will put my eye out. Or pluck it out.

This week has been incredibly hard - emotionally and physically. I had an allergic reaction which went to bronchitis and sinus infection. I have been laid up in bed. But first, I fell - big time - went downtown after dark to health food store to get grandson snacks for weekend and parked on a four lane traffic street. Getting back in my car, down I went in the traffic lane. I could not get up. My legs would not work. Somewhat concerned that I might get run over, I told grandson to wave my cell phone around (with the light on in it) but DO NOT get in the traffic. Poor child was petrified. Finally was able to drag self around to front of car and eventually get up. Lesson learned - do not park on the street after dark, especially the busy street. A few days later a 70 year old woman was struck only about 1/2 a block from there, and dragged for a while - they don't know if she's going to make it. I was very depressed about getting old, and thinking oh dear, I need to get THE back surgery, until I remembered that I have fallen for no reason since I've been in my twenties.

And I was scared, that I would be considered unfit to care for grandson if I was the sort of person to be crawling in traffic after dark.

Same weekend, the insane ex-son-in-law got in my face badly, when I told him he only had an hour with grandson (supervised visitation in place and I've been made the family warden). It turned into a HUGE family fight with me being the bad evil person. I have finally reached the end of the rope with this character - he will no longer bring BB guns to play with all the kids in my yard, (there have been three major screaming fights over his "right" to play with tasers, numbchucks, and ninja steel sharp discs with grandson and the neighbor kids). It is not his "right" to bear arms on my property.

I made it clear to my family that my intent has been to protect my grandson. And while he is in my care, I will do that, but weirdo will no longer yell and scream when he doesn't get his way (esp. in front of grandson) on my property or within 100 feet of me, or ever come in my house again. He shoved me over the BB gun argument. I should have called the law - I didn't want grandson to see him hauled off to jail - that is the only thing that held me back. Perhaps that was a bad example and subtly said to grandson that such actions are ok. He really should not be seeing grandson but that is not my decision to make, I am powerless and have often put myself in bad situations to keep him from being alone with this weirdo. Hindsight is always better than forsight. I have feared that if left to someone else the visitation restrictions would not be heeded, but I have been deluded in thinking I have any control over that anyway.

What I could not figure out, is how suddenly, in the family dynamics, I became the perpetrator, ex-son-in-law the victim, and the little boy, the liar. I have been one mad grandma - there is only one thing more scary than a mom protecting her kid, and that is a grandma protecting her grandson. I love all those grandkids sooooo much.

Caused a big frou frou fight with "H" - after five days, we finally began talking. I always want things handled NOW and he, besides, not liking confrontation, is a slower more logical thinker than I - which is probably a good thing. Thing is the confrontation of the weekend happened again in front of grandson with two men standing right there when it happened and no one called wierdo SIL on it, they stood there and let him threaten to kidnap my grandson, in front of my grandson.

Why do I share something so personal? Because chances are I'm not the only one facing such crazy problems in my life. I share partially to make some sense of something senseless. To garner support which always has been a blessing from my blogger friends - not only support, but many speak the truth to me if I'm wrong. Because when these things happen I feel very alone. And because I need to know I'm not crazy. No, really I know I'm not crazy, but affirmation is always helpful. I share because I'm not good at secrets. Damn secrets are killers of the heart.
Anyway, so its been a really really rough week - all that stuff together. It will be better soon. My faith helps.

Well, going to take my coughing self up to the corner, buy a supply of bananas for shakes, try not to fall down, and come back home to lie down and to read some more.

My group of friends is gathering for our quarterly "slumber" paintathon party this next weekend - our theme since all kinds of stuff has been going on (always happens around Halloween - crazy stuff seems to grow out of nowhere) is of battle - that of warrior women. We'll wear fatigues, boots, black t shirts and be fierce of spirit. We're mama lions. We would all die in a moment for family. Our stories bond us together. Hope I'll be well enough to join in. We will have young women, old women, nursing moms with newborns, pregnant moms, ready to birth women, all beautiful, honest, open women, beautiful to the core. Even with our foibles, our mistakes, our eccentricities, our constant striving to do right and take care of our families and our friends.

I purloined the following Battle Cries:

Self Portrait Pieces

Have Tent, will Travel

Certainly the mideast mindset is different from the western mindset. Adminijab (Iran) wants to buy uranium from us. Duh - why don't we just sell him a bunch?

Being down sick in bed with some sort of virus, the TV drones on because I am lonely and I drift into the United Nations Assembly and a 90 some minute ramble from Gaddafi, (Libya) dubbed by the press as "Daffy." Besides wanting to do away with time zones and move the meetings of the UN because where they currently meet could be hit by terrorists, he had personal troubles locating a good spot for his tent. Central Park was out, much to his chagrin - guess America is just not a good host country for tent dwellers. What have we come to? I'm wondering if his tent was too big for an RV ground.

He called Obama his "son" even though Obama and more than half the assembly, including our President left before or during his ramblings.

He blasted the UN and Europe. He asked for a couple of Trillion bucks for reparations for Africa, praising Italy for already paying their share. Like we really have two cents in our coffers to hand over to him.

All in all, I thought he used the podium to list all his grievances down to time zones and his ramblings sort of obscured anything constructive (if anything) that he wanted to get across. But then, humble housewife in the U.S., what do I know?

I do not agree with all of our policies, but I am sure thankful I live here, and not in Libya or anywhere in the middle east! I am not sorry to see him pick up his tent, where ever he was finally able to pitch it and go home. When he said the UN was prime target for terrorists, I wondered what he knew that the rest of us don't?

For some reason, despite playing with paragraphs, Blogspot does not want to delineate them for me....makes a harder read.

"Nevermore" quothe the Raven

Found this little fella at the dollar store - just too droll to resist. When I wake up for a 2:00 a.m. coffee, there he is. I almost expect him to smile with his little beak and mutter, "Nevermore!" I like tucking crazy little things around the house to make myself smile.

This humidity is just about to get to be too much - Saturday's am adventure at Grand Lagoon left me with either the flu, bronchitis or really bad allergies. No fever, thank goodness. Foolishly went on a spree of trying to eliminate dust from book shelves in the bedroom and all I did I think was to stir up the dust something fierce - even my high powered air cleaner that I keep in the room couldn't handle it all.

Hope I'm well for art demo by Sunday - should be. I'm up to 3,000 mg of Vit C a day. Woo hoo!

Have outside vines to handle that have grown up the side of the house and obliterated a window - I'm tired of no light in that room, but saving that for after art gathering in case the mold added to the dust and humidity shuts down the breathing mechanisms.

Weird year here - bugs ate EVERYTHING practically, what they didn't eat - the early hot summer did it in. I haven't seen the armadillo for a while, I'm afraid the neighbor trapped him. I was getting fond of the little fella - he was really after the bugs, slugs, and crawling things.

Psycho was bitten by something and his face swelled on one side quite badly making him look like a freak cat, I hate it when they get sick and their inner eyelids stay shut - they look quite possessed - more than usual that is - I doctored him and bathed him, flea treated him, gave him extra vitamins and special foods and prebiotics and kept him in for several days now he's back out again, and I see skin problems arising again - so I will have to put up with his crazy running and jumping trying to get out so he won't get sick again.

Trying to figure out the contradictory information in regard to Social Security, Medicare, etc., etc. What a maze. I have called "H's" insurance twice and received two different answers on how they handle coordination - I will try to finish that up when offices open up this morning.

So, everyone - have a great Tuesday!

New Bag

A bag I found for my daughter in Wyoming - I kind of like the tattoo with the fringe thing.....

Beloved Gulf Shore

The foreground is white sand - a bit darker than the usual sparkle, but it had been raining off and on.

The dunes were not as spectacular as they were before the 'cane of five years ago (to the day when these photos were shot, I believe) but they are still beautiful

Don't know what was on the minds of these little guys, but they seemed to be in a trance as they stared out into the world of water and sky.

This is a "barrier" island, not an island really, but an attachment to land, land which is mostly separated from the mainland by water. Condo after condo lined the "island" but there was a wonderful wild place that had been left undeveloped.

I so love our beautiful shore down here - the mood is always different. Wednesday, we drove down the beach road to an area I haven't visited since the big 'cane of five years ago. We eventually ran into rain, but after we had enjoyed a laid back period of time. I loved the overcast photos of the beach.

Has anyone been having trouble with blogspot? I am unable to add in Utube, cut or paste is non-functional, it's just quirky lately I think. Hoping it is not my computer.

National Treasure

Yesterday finished up watching the interviews with Whitney Houston by Oprah. The interviews were honest, at times uncomfortable, uplifting, tear jerking, and....I've ran out of words. In my book, completely worth watching.

Oprah several times said that Whitney's voice was/is a "National Treasure." As if it didn't belong only to her. And maybe it didn't. Doesn't. When someone is gifted in that manner, then does a burden or obligation exist to share it with the world? I think it does because that person will never be completely whole if that "creating factor" within them is not producing. And we will never be whole when that magic creative energy is missing from life. Creativity can be a heavy burden, witnessed by the death of so many talented musicians and artists.

Maybe its wishful thinking, I hope not, but I feel an energy, a realization that no part of a person should ever be diminished to make another look larger, a growth, an explosion, a "Big Bang" has happened and a new universe is created for Whitney Houston.

When Whitney quit the music scene, she quit. She explains those years in her interviews. For anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship or lost in a fog of drugs and for those who haven't, but have wanted to give up, or anyone who has ever liked her music, she is an inspiration and a true Phoenix arising, a gift returned to us. The interviews left me down, but ultimately up. And really happy that she is "back!"

I was never a huge fan of Whitney - she was (is) tremendously talented and I did (and do) think she had one of the most powerful voices I ever heard. Now - well, now, she has a depth added to that beautiful voice that makes her, in my book, a number one "soul sister." Her new CD I think might be part of a spiritual cleansing for her, and a putting away and putting in order of the last seven or eight years of hell and we're going to see a star - and I mean a bright, celestial powerhouse of light back in our musical scene.

Today H" gave me the CD she recently made - and despite a beat I found distracting, reminiscent of a disco beat - please, someone tell me I'm wrong, her singing, the lyrics, her delivery, the power of HER - makes this CD something I will listen to fairly often. And, most of all - Welcome Back to a beautiful strong woman, full of love and magic and beauty!

The French President's Wife

I've become fascinated with Carla Bruni after seeing a special about her on Sundance channel. She is quite a talented singer and seems to be a really well grounded woman. I know her husband, Nicolas Sarkozy, is not too popular for reasons unknown to me. But he has good taste in women. Most of the time Carla is pretty much without makeup and working hard in her studio when she isn't out being "The President's Wife."

She's endured, or perhaps enjoyed all the talk and spin surrounding her. Who knows. But what a woman . . . this one will bear watching.....someone with the class of a Jackie Kennedy with whom she has been compared.

I have no sound on this desk top computer, but it does not matter

Need I say anything? Anything at all? (Doc Lovely has many talents, painting, resculpting humans, piano, singing, poetry, writing)

Should We Let the President of the U.S. Into the School Room?

Obama's Speech Banned from Florida Schools - further news has come out - I guess Obama is not only speaking to college students but has also a scheduled live broadcast to students in elementary schools.

What a furor is going on in Florida over school children viewing this speech in the schools. The furor is further splitting our populace into those who are afraid of exposing their children to the President of the United States on one hand, and those who are sure that banning a live speech from the President in the schools to be nothing less or more than racism alive and well and politics AGAIN! At the worst, there are even people who are saying that we will end up in the ovens as in Nazi Germany!

A comment was made that government should stay out of school. Well, then should we close down "public tax payer funded schools" and move everyone over to private schools?

No one seems to know what the 18 minute speech contains, other than encouragement to stay in school and to work hard for an education.

The following is from The Orlando Sentinel -

Barack Obama's school speech: Pundits lambaste furor as stupid

Pundits this morning weren't showing a lot of sympathy for critics of President Barack Obama's address to schoolchildren this week.

"We live in the age of firestorms," Thomas Friedman of The New York Times said on NBC's "Meet the Press."

The president will talk to children about the importance of staying in school and working hard. Friedman didn't look kindly on people who don't want to hear that message. Friedman said: "What it [the controversy] needs is for people to stand up and say, 'That's flat-out stupid.'"

What do you say to that?

On the same program, former NBC anchor Tom Brokaw described the controversy as "stunning."

"It's so ripe for satire, it's unbelievable," Brokaw added. He called Obama's message appropriate and said the president exemplified working hard and overcoming adversity.


Even Rudolph Giuliani, the Republican former mayor of New York, said the controversy was "unfortunate."

"There's a lack of respect for presidents," Giuliani told "Meet the Press."

On ABC's "This Week," former George W. Bush strategist Matthew Dowd seemed stunned as well that presidents can't speak to schoolchildren about staying in school. "If he can't give a speech like that to the schoolchildren... without people freaking out, that's the problem we have today," Dowd said.


Also on "This Week," Katrina vanden Heuvel noted that Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush had given similar speeches and that education is a critical job for the federal government. She blamed the right-wing media for fanning the controversy. David Sanger of The New York Times said the furor had less to do with what Obama was going to say and more to do with what some parents think of the president as a leader.


George Will, however, was the rare pundit who faulted the White House in this furor. He said it's not the federal government's job to raise children and blasted the administration's approach to public relations. The president is ubiquitous in the media, Will said, and has become like elevator music.

On CBS' "Face the Nation," Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wondered why it had been 18 years since a president had addressed schoolchildren. Duncan said listening to the speech was "purely voluntary" and it was "just silly" that some parents were keeping their children home Tuesday.

"It's just going to be an 18-minute speech," Duncan told Bob Schieffer. "And so that just doesn't make any sense."

The speech will not be canceled, Duncan added.

The Fox channel reports were very much different, rather extreme right wing for a news agency, appearing to reflect more of a tone of a talk show than a news channel.

I will remember this when it is time to vote: Escambia and Santa Rosa County School Superintendents have decided that Obama's message won't be played live at school but they might decide the speech will only be taped and played back should it "fit into a classroom lesson".

In Santa Rosa's case, this could be backlash for the Civil Liberty Union's successful coupe in banning prayer from the public schools. Or it could be blatant racism which is very alive and well down here. And, as well, probably is also the roaring fear loosed by the political wars between Republicans and Democrats.

My personal opinon? Again, I'm embarrassed. I love Florida. I am ashamed of the attitudes of some of the Floridians. Perhaps if the President would just pop into the schools and read a fairy tale or two, he would be more welcome. With a paler face. Grrrrrrrr. A few days ago, I posted in Facebook a statement of admiration for Michelle's beauty and the controversy over her hair styles. (of all things) And a VERY racist comment was made - it shocked me. I deleted it quickly and decided not to post anything remotely political on Facebook ANYMORE. Especially hair styles. I guess I expect change too quickly, I remember in my life time when people who weren't "white" could not drink out of the same fountain, eat in the same restaurant, etc., etc.

Next, I'm going to post my granddaughter's poem. It's a lament, really. Next post.

Happy Labor Day

THE ORIGINS OF LABOR DAY

This was interesting - some things I didn't know:

The observance of Labor Day began over 100 years ago. Conceived by America's labor unions as a testament to their cause, the legislation sanctioning the holiday was shepherded through Congress amid labor unrest and signed by President Grover Cleveland as a reluctant election-year compromise. Read about the turbulent circumstances of Labor Day's birth, browse NewsHour segments on labor and the economy, and explore labor-related resources on the Internet.


Pullman, Illinois was a company town, founded in 1880 by George Pullman, president of the railroad sleeping car company. Pullman designed and built the town to stand as a utopian workers' community insulated from the moral (and political) seductions of nearby Chicago.

The town was strictly, almost feudally, organized: row houses for the assembly and craft workers; modest Victorians for the managers; and a luxurious hotel where Pullman himself lived and where visiting customers, suppliers, and salesman would lodge while in town.

Its residents all worked for the Pullman company, their paychecks drawn from Pullman bank, and their rent, set by Pullman, deducted automatically from their weekly paychecks. The town, and the company, operated smoothly and successfully for more than a decade.

But in 1893, the Pullman company was caught in the nationwide economic depression. Orders for railroad sleeping cars declined, and George Pullman was forced to lay off hundreds of employees. Those who remained endured wage cuts, even while rents in Pullman remained consistent. Take-home paychecks plummeted.

And so the employees walked out, demanding lower rents and higher pay. The American Railway Union, led by a young Eugene V. Debs, came to the cause of the striking workers, and railroad workers across the nation boycotted trains carrying Pullman cars. Rioting, pillaging, and burning of railroad cars soon ensued; mobs of non-union workers joined in.

The strike instantly became a national issue. President Grover Cleveland, faced with nervous railroad executives and interrupted mail trains, declared the strike a federal crime and deployed 12,000 troops to break the strike. Violence erupted, and two men were killed when U.S. deputy marshals fired on protesters in Kensington, near Chicago, but the strike was doomed.

On August 3, 1894, the strike was declared over. Debs went to prison, his ARU was disbanded, and Pullman employees henceforth signed a pledge that they would never again unionize. Aside from the already existing American Federation of Labor and the various railroad brotherhoods, industrial workers' unions were effectively stamped out and remained so until the Great Depression.

It was not the last time Debs would find himself behind bars, either. Campaigning from his jail cell, Debs would later win almost a million votes for the Socialist ticket in the 1920 presidential race.

In an attempt to appease the nation's workers,
Labor Day is born -

The movement for a national Labor Day had been growing for some time. In September 1892, union workers in New York City took an unpaid day off and marched around Union Square in support of the holiday. But now, protests against President Cleveland's harsh methods made the appeasement of the nation's workers a top political priority. In the immediate wake of the strike, legislation was rushed unanimously through both houses of Congress, and the bill arrived on President Cleveland's desk just six days after his troops had broken the Pullman strike.

1894 was an election year. President Cleveland seized the chance at conciliation, and Labor Day was born. He was not reelected.

In 1898, Samuel Gompers, head of the American Federation of Labor, called it "the day for which the toilers in past centuries looked forward, when their rights and their wrongs would be discussed...that the workers of our day may not only lay down their tools of labor for a holiday, but upon which they may touch shoulders in marching phalanx and feel the stronger for it."

Labor Day: a good-bye to summer
Almost a century since Gompers spoke those words, though, Labor Day is seen as the last long weekend of summer rather than a day for political organizing. In 1995, less than 15 percent of American workers belonged to unions, down from a high in the 1950's of nearly 50 percent, though nearly all have benefited from the victories of the Labor movement.

And everyone who can takes a vacation on the first Monday of September. Friends and families gather, and clog the highways, and the picnic grounds, and their own backyards -- and bid farewell to summer.

Hope you are having a happy farewell to summer -
We worked all day around the house, except for a trip to the Bagel place for breakfast. "H" is going to daughter's house to watch ballgames since we only have 24 channels now. Which has worked out fine until football! Grass is mowed, I've come closer to conquering the weeds in the front - another batch of Ratatouille sits on the stove - I'm craving it. Weird, yeah.

Family in Mobile have a severe case of the flu. We have a lot of fear about the Swine Flu - I'm not getting shots this year though. I was over there - I'm hoping my 2,000 units of Vitamin C and and other supplements keep me well...so far our city has not had a lot of trouble with flu. I'm watching an infomercial about Jack LaLanne's Power Juicer - I want one......

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Headlines - should Obama have been allowed to talk to college students? I knew it - there is truly a dumbing down going on in the U.S. Since when did college age students not have the capacity to make up their own minds about issues or think for themselves? They are flying fighter planes, leading in war, many are working, living in their own places, raising families, participating in the community....WHAAA?

By proxy, I would like to apologize to college students for those who don't think YOU can think.

Cat n Woodstock

Ah, the sensuous abandonment of a queen size kittie rolling with abandon in the sun, on warm cement. She looks like something other than a kittie, but I can't think of what!



Just returned from seeing the new film about Woodstock - it was really great (but maybe that was because my early twenties were my traveling times through that era). The movie was flashback for me and made me so nostalgic - starts a little slow, but I think all in all, once it got rolling - it was wonderful.

She's In A Skirt!

Another week has zipped by! I keep thinking I'm getting energy back, but it leaves quickly. We went to a party at Hattigrace's last night, there were two birthdays to celebrate, Hattigrace's beautiful daughter, Eliana and our beautiful steadfast Amanda - oh I wish I were as young as they are, only knowing what I know now! By the way, this is one of the rare times anyone has seen me in a skirt!

We had a great time. Many years ago I used to cook from the "Fit for Life" cookbook. For last night, I resurrected a "Mediterranean Salad." It was so refreshing and I'm getting ready to make a second go around of it for supper tonight. "H" is sleeping soundly in his pre-bed time nap mode. It is dark (AGAIN!) and rainy. The kind of day one wants to put on "Rainy Night in Georgia" music, sip something good, and read a great book.

Oh, ick, September in Pensacola. We have a cold front coming - clear down to 76 centigrade next week - I'm not yet ready to give up summer tan. Miss Meowi sleeps quietly next to me - she's always next to me anymore, and Psycho too must be sleeping somewhere. Maybe that is not too bad of an idea.

Our next party is going to be a circus party to celebrate a friend's birthday. We are supposed to be in costume. I'm thinking maybe we'll go as zebras.....????? Any better ideas? I would like to do something from the circus era of the 40's or early 50's before side shows were banished - although I am certainly not a proponent of side shows - but it was an era.....I can still twist my arms to their opposite positions and turn one foot backwards......if my feet would tolerate 5 inch heals I would LOVE to go as The Tall Lady!

Next Sunday night we are having an art gathering....do I ever quit playing? No, I play hard, work hard, think hard, and then collapse! Live life with gusto I say!

Legendary War between CIA and FBI

Under any circumstances torture is not acceptable - and is against Geneva Conventions and UN regulations as well - but this little excerpt made me realize that Washington can turn ANYTHING into politics -

Also today, the Obama White House created a new unit that will report to FBI Director Robert Mueller and follow the Army's policies that prohibit waterboarding, effectively removing the CIA from the al Qaeda interrogation business. Mueller and his agents were the first and strongest internal objectors to the CIA's interrogation tactics.

So, one can conclude the legendary war between the CIA and FBI has been playing a part in all this stuff going on about US treatment of war prisoners....the FBI has apparently pulled off a grab that it has long desired! That's not all that needs to be addressed obviously, but . . . .

I wonder if this will only affect operations against al Qaeda? Or is it another power grab of FBI. FBI has an interesting history . . . . Hmmmmm.......

Great Saturday!

First, Saturday started with shopping at the Farmers Market, gathering up tomatoes and eggplants, then for bagels and muffins at a shop overlooking the Gulf. Huge, soft bagels - !!!!


Then a tour through the historic part of town, with a vow to walk it on another Saturday.


My friend and an art teacher as well has new studio space in the historic district and is doing some marvelous things with encaustic. Oh, I wish for a go at the lush medium!


More encaustics


Courtyard in historic area of town, next to studio.

Was a great day. Then I tried water aerobics at a party Sat. night that had various health modules, and today I have hardly been able to walk. :( Hope to pull out of this soon! Do not twist your back, even under water, if you have disc problems!

A friend at the party wanted to know if my husband minded me leaving him for a fun night and I said, no, honey, I left him with a nude charcoal drawing of himself and left him, a very happy man.....yeh, it was a good Saturday.

Still cooking...

Yum, "h" brought home some fish - grouper, mahi mahi and flounder. It was all exquisite in its own way. I used cajun seasoning, but I think that went best with the grouper. I would maybe in the future do something clean and citrusy with the mahi mahi - and teh flounder would use herbs maybe. But it was delicious anyway. This week I'm eating black beans at least once a day. And lots of salad.

Tonight fixed "H" sandwiches on toasted thick buns, with grilled vegetable - tomatoes, avocado, onions, basil drilled with olive oil....he said they were incredible.

When will this cooking binge end? Went to Farmers Market today - was disappointed. Got some good egglplant, but tomatoes too expensive and not organic. But it was nice strolling through the park.

Thoughts from the Swampland

Ninety percent humidity and temperature. So go our days now, probably until the end of September. But its not long till then. Everything feels like the swamp. Its been a weird and short summer, partially due to me being in Wyoming for a month - and it wasn't really summer there - it was sort of like a crisp fall in the mornings and the nights.

I'm sorting - our garage - well the piles have gone from "I can't see over the tops of the junk" to being able to see across to the door. I am making room to stack MORE boxes for a garage sale. Grandson has happily been sorting in anticipation of a sale. Sadly school is starting Monday. My heart is concerned for him - he goes from secure grade school to middle school, changing classes, concerns over bathrooms, new rules, many more kids, unknown teachers - he's a worrier like me. I pray for him. He spent a week with me - we were able to see a couple of movies and he played with his friends in our neighborhood before going back to his parents. We had a good time. He also sorted his toys and put some in boxes for garage sale.

So, I started on the study and will go on that one room till finished, then move on to next room. It seems like I have come to an end of sorting endless bowls, drawers, boxes of trinkets and junks and more junks except paperwork. I think it will be the most difficult as there are so many papers to shred in order to make more room. And I need to empty some shelves in grandson's bedroom to move the lego creations to his shelves. I need to empty a filing cabinent to make room for the water business stuff. It seems endless in there.

In true ADD fashion, I've been making headway in all rooms for two years now, never finishing one. A friend suggested I work on one until done! I don't understand why it is taking me forever. This project was started two years ago after my return from Wyoming. But then, considering the shape the house was in, I kind of understand. Stuff crammed everywhere! Two families in one space. And my stamina lasts about 3 - 4 hours for a day, no stamina first year back, spending the first year as a cripple. I lifted mucho boxes in garage the other day - as "H" was spinning wheels, and expected to be laid out flat - and I'm not in much pain, hooray!

I am at a loss about what to do with all of "H's" books. Our house is too small for endless book collection. Which is sad because he loves books so - I am to the point that my love of serenity and order is more important than collecting books - I would rather use the library, and keep a few that I think I might read again, and my art books only. Our bookcases are falling down rickety being double and triple stacked but really sturdy ones cost a mint, if they even make them anymore. I will google.

Neighbor said he would lay the tiles if we wish to get some ceramic tiles. Our carpet is worn out - I think I would rather have laminate, but I have seen some tiles to drool over. We'll see. In this economy its hard to overcome the fear of spending for more than necessities.

Well, this post is a late night, can't sleep (again), ramble.

I've sold all I can, planted all I can in Farm Town.

I LONG for the day I can't just be done with clutter and then paint! I have so many ideas, so many sketches ready.

I Love Food and I Love to Cook

My mother hated cooking and turned the job over to me when I turned 12. The ingredients provided to me were canned, potatoes and meat, usually steak tough and filled with "gristle" which young jaws could not chew. I knew there was MORE - I ventured into baking - one time hiding a failed sponge cake with much fright thinking of the dozen eggs I had used for the doomed project. But pursue I did. I love the colors of cooking, of fresh fruits and vegetables, the tactile creation, the aromas, the tasting for that last bit of perfection. "H" wished for stuffed peppers - he bought home buffalo burger and the peppers. The fun began....

I was taking far too much sensual pleasure in the ultra sharp new knife I have acquired, the nutty smell of the brown rice cooking.....


The finis!

One to son-in-law, one to grandson, three to "H" and the pleasure of creation and a couple of tastes for me!

Home Sweet Home

Finally made it back home. Twelve hours of flying and changing planes. Today I unpacked most of my things. My cell phone had died out there and the replacement Verizon sent was a dud, the next replacement arrived this morning so I took it over to the office and got it setup partially. I have to go back again tomorrow to finish. Then took Grandson to lunch and to a movie, then to Walmart because someone had cleaned the fridge and there was no food. Which was probably good the mysterious cleaner came by because the food probably had rotted.

Our air conditioning had been shut off by "H" so the house smelled like mold, my plants, herbs, and garden were 90% dead, and out of five houseplants, one was still living. I think my letters/bills weren't mailed as I have messages from credit card companies to answer tomorrow. I went through everything today - and its the usual pain in the butt stuff for bills - the orthopedist bill keeps growing although I quit going to him in favor of Tumeric and MSM supplements which work better and even though the insurance company has made two sizeable payments to the bill. Its always something! My gosh - Wyoming is even a communication devoid land along with everything else and leaving anything for someone else to take care of is foolish.

The cats are a nice quiet change from boisterous dogs which I miss, and much less work - except I learned yesterday to never feed a puddy tat butterscotch pudding - had big messes to clean up this morning before pulling all the dead plants and many weeds filling half a big garbage container.

My mother seemed to be doing well - she had jumped into her pickup and took her BF to his physical therapy appointment the day before I left. I then took her to her post surgical appointment. Everything looked good and she doesn't even hardly use a cane. We did a LOT of work, my sister and I, before I left. I think she'll be fine if she doesn't fall. She is in much less pain than before surgery, there will be a couple of months with luck before snow sets in. Glad its done.

I need a bit of time to recuperate - my back is hurting fiercely and I'm completely exhausted. "H" is a bit frustrated with me, but I think as soon as I get some proper rest and try not to use my back much, I will get back to good function again.

Back Home

Twelve hours of flying and switching planes (today) - watching my mother standing at her "picture" window with the three dogs as I leave the driveway - relieved to be going home, sad I'm not around there more - it was a difficult trip even though the surgery went extremely well. One thing I will say for my mother, she was always ageless. Until the past few years, especially from last year's visit to this year's. I did not like the confusion, the anger, and all the other things that are going on. Having elderly is like having kids, you have to let them make choices, in the case of the elderly, if they are at least functioning at a level that they aren't officially incapacitated. You can't "ground" them. It's worse if they seem to be fluctuating between fairly well and borderling incapacitated.

I just need to get some rest, get my routine established again. I have almost nothing left in flower/vegetable bed but weeds and a few tough flowers. Two thirds of my house plants are dead. Oh well. Too tired tonight to even feel ad about it. Grandson perched here again - his school starts way too soon.

My cell phone has been defunct for at least four days - maybe five. When i get this fixed, I hope this fuzz will be out of my head and I hope by Friday to be able to catch up with everyone! I don't know if this makes sense, I'm too tired.

Dog Days

Anyone who wants to laugh, may. If there were no possibilities of humor in my misadventures, then I would be jumping off the side of the mountain.

Two more days till my sister comes. The moods have improved some - but wow - not enough. I do still have concerns about her staying by herself considering the layout of the house and everything - esp. the dog care. A 2,000 mile spread is pretty far away if she needs help. So far efforts to set up some sort of services have met with scorn and continued griping about how "no one ever helps" and "why does this always happen to me" - not being able to see that house upkeep comes with a house, the operations come with life, that at 83, she actually has a better consitution than I do. I have been freaking not being able to wash my food like a racoon with my special water - and the hygiene at the house, taking every capsule I can think of to keep my immunity functioning.

Going on a road trip Friday noon to Sat. noon - picture taking - filming perhaps - much needed break. I'm well aware that whatever I leave behind temporarily will be snooped through thoroughly - I thinks I will put a mouse trap in one of the compartments of my suitcase.....

I have done my own snooping with permission through the drawers in the dresser in the bedroom I sleep in - its been very very hard - she wanted me to empty my son's dresser in the garage and I opened the first drawer and was overwhelmed with the desire to fold his things neatly and tenderly - and immediately closed it before I became overwhelmed with grief I can't afford to deal with right now. I found an old packet of letters I sent her from Baltimore many many years ago - probably around 1966 - I will have to publish excerpts - will do - much pathos, but many laughs in them too....at the absurdity of life situations.

Well, my grocery basket is looking at me - I should check out - just not ready to go back to the house yet....

Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson in Concert

Yes, that's what I'm missing at the Wharf on the beach Aug. 6th! Now, putting extreme self pity aside,

Very dark chocolate bars with ground up coffee beans in them have become my self comfort, my woogie. Yum.

Recovery going a bit rocky. Have decided the dogs will never be "straightened" up - poor things. Added another special diet for the one who returned from the kennel with bloody diarreah.

Mother is getting around some, but this has knocked the soup out of her. Leg swelling a lot, but I think partially due to the four Whopper diet she won't give up. Tonight I'm adding meatloaf for her to the dog buffet repertoire. Thank God the boyfriend has found someone else to chauffer him about.

I finally had it this morning - she was going on about my son who had passed away, about this one and that one not treating him right (according to her book) and I finally got up and said, well, I think Rod would be very sad to know that you are still harboring such resentment and bitterness after twenty some years, when he was such a forgiving accepting person. "He loved you so much, I'm sure he feels very hurt when he hears you talking like that." Well THAT turned into, from her, "I'm so sorry I hurt YOUR feelings." Yeh, mother, my fault again. Aaaaaaargggghhhhhhh.

I'm still trying to get my bearings - coming here is so hard. I haven't been able to make myself go to the cemetery yet. When I get myself emotionally geared to go, I will take fresh flowers to lay there because if I take silk ones, she will remove them and replace them with what she wants there, as soon as she can walk. Ahhh, life. Life and Death. And the times in between.

Time to leave Safeway WIFI and go back to duties. Mercy, it is cold here - 60 centigrade - people in winter coats - I didn't have enough sense to bring a pair of jeans and trying to find a pair of women's jeans here in super long legs is a futile effort. I have tendonitis in left forearm and my sweatshirt is impossible to get on - I tried this a.m., it's a bit small, and couldn't get it on with bad arm. I refuse to wear my mother's clothes. Did that way too many years in high school and when a poor, single, divorced mom to make ends meet. Beige and blue with pink flowers will never grace this body again.

Odd, how when we are with parents, we never really leave that role of "child" even when we are cast in role of caregiver. I think it is worse for daughters than for sons - maybe not, maybe just in different ways.

Well, returning to "the house." Later - - - -

Saturday 1:26 PM Central Standard Time year 2009

Wooo hooooooo what a ride!

Surgery went well - doc and nurses say she's doing great, but she's says not. On my way to hospital via WIFI stop at Safeway to check email, so I will check in person. I think she'll have plenty of company this afternoon so I'll fix her hair, put on a bit of makeup for her and then hopefully escape the scapegoating.

Dogs adjusting - they won't eat their four course meals and one howled until 2 a.m. last night. I don't dare tell her - because she'll be out hailing a taxi with the catheter trailing behind her. I think he'll adjust - he ate this a.m. so that's a good sign.

Another day I will have the dog duties under control and then the next day she'll probably be coming coming home.

I had no idea that she had disintegrated so bad mentally from my twice weekly phone calls to her. Mean and bitter and dwelling on everything negative and if it doesn't exist, she'll invent it. Perhaps its been the pain. The doc said the area where the plastic wore off the metal in the replacement was inflammed. However four hours a day of cooking chicken, rice, roast beef,turkey, boiling eggs, scrambling eggs for dogs is a lot of work as is wiping dog butts after they poop - I never heard of that - and waking up all night to make sure they are covered with blankets -

Well, this is a welcome to the phase of life many of my friends already function in - taking care of difficult elderlies. Hopefully as recovery progresses I will have a few more years grace.

My sis will arrive the 6th of August for some much needed relief - and perhaps mother will be enough on her way to recovery some sunshine will be able to peek through all those dark clouds. She will not in any way consider psych meds - and currently is refusing her therapy in hospital - so I think I need to check some resources if this continues. Hahahahah, like psych meds for myself!

She does have some wonderful friends who manage to remain friends - I have enjoyed them very much.

Escaped for a while

This is my "lair" of late - yes, Starbucks and Safe-way! And buying lots of vegetables and fruit. At least now my mother is off her Whopper diet. Right now she is home grinding up a roast for the dogs because it is too hard to chew all the meat up for them. Ok...grind away mama, can I borrow the truck for an hour?

Checking my bank account, blog - and EVAH so grateful for all your comments, dear friends, they were like a flash of sanity in this pan of goulash here!

Tomorrow surgery should happen if the hospital has remembered to order the parts. Dear God, I hope they remember to sterilize them. My sister used to work in that hospital and she knows. The up side is, I will have the truck and relative freedom for a few days while she's in the hospital, as the chicken, roast, and turkey will all be pre-ground for the dogs and she won't be wanting me to sit with her hour after hour while she talks non-stop with the TV on max volume.

Weather gorgeous. Flowers so love cool nights. Had to back off the long walks for a couple of days, I had jarred my back from circling the park to the point of pain. Also aware emotions play a big part in pain.

Been cleaning though - when one gets older eyesight dims I thought, so I have been cleaning black handprints, stove grease, etc., etc., until this morning she plopped down on the kitchen chair and started criticising the "streaks" left from the cleaning by the knob on the stove. Grrrrr. The silverware drawer was one inch deep in dog hair, aaack. But that may be because they are spoon fed and the hair was attached to the spoons. Naughty me - they are going to eat like doggies while she is in the hospital. One of them is going to the kennel because she was telling me how to break up dog fights. (She's had broken fingers, bites, a broken knee cap from separating fighting dogs.) I told her, I was NOT, under any circumstances going to separate fighting dogs - if spraying water on them didn't work, then she'd better buy me a dog size taser before going to hospital because diving into dog fights is not an option. Pouting. Then deciding to take the grouchy older dog to the vet for kenneling.

I enjoy Zoe, the one I call Cleopatra. She is insane for my lip gloss - so when I put on makeup, she sits beside me and fishes around through my makeup bag for the gloss and I weaken and give her a tiny wee bit on her little doggie lip, and then she gives me a kiss. So she is a pure delight - I would take her home in a minute if "H" wouldn't divorce me over it.

Well, if one can see the comedy in this, its funny. At least mother does have some modicum of self care going on (after the dogs) and I am learning to practice positive thinking and at least practice setting boundaries although that has never been something I could ever win with her.

Some of it is cute - the boyfriend - she is wanting me to order her sandals, getting out of the old lady sneaker thing, and then to paint her toenails - its a very weird romance, but then I've had a few weird romances myself. And its nice to see her focused on something besides dogs and the imperfections of her yard, house, neighbors, friends, family, etc.

It still leaves me thinking what in the heck we will do with her when she can't take care of herself? Also leaves me thinking about better ways to interact with my own girls and hopefully try not to drive them wacko.

In the meantime, I can't wait to get home to Florida, humidity - it keeps the wrinkles plumped out, family, my dear independent cats, friends...and hours on the internet - and like an alcoholic desperate to stay sober, I am taking one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Love ya'll!

From Wyoming

Quick Post. The hospital "forgot to order the part" for surgery (although its been scheduled for six weeks, so surgery was postponed to the 24th.

I'm taking lots of walks for sanity's sake. Lots of negativity, wow! Well, one day at a time as they say.

Lots of manipulation - like "cut (dog's) pnut butter bedtime sandwich into two pieces or he won't eat it." Me - "Really! When did he learn to count?"

"You'll take my friend to his physical therapy appointments, won't you?" Me - "No, I will take care of you and dogs, hauling your friends around is asking too much." Her - bawling, sniffling, "after I've done for you...." and more.

Found she's been living off of Whopper Jrs. Two a day. Buys four at a time, refrigerates them, and heats them in microwave, but cooks full blown dinners - chicken, hamburger, rice, scrambled eggs, pnut butter sandwiches, assorted veggie snacks for dogs.

Sooooo - thus, many breaks for long walks, as I walk up the street I mutter a lot.

I'm at Safeway (grocery store) taking advantage of WiFi. And escaping. A starbucks iced coffee giving me some comfort of home.

Its very hot in the afternoons, but mornings are cool and it hasn't been so hot I can't sleep so that's good.

Miss bloggins, computer researching, and playing and my Florida family something pitiful!

Posting this from the Wifi station at Safeway grocery store - clandestine and all of course - I am now going on assigned errand of picking up diet root beer and heading back to an alternate reality.

Till later - maybe during surgery the hospital will have wifi in waiting room and I can visit ya'll - suppose?

Countdown.....

Woo - tired. Trying to tie up loose ends before leaving, while squeezing in birthday specialness for "H", getting family to seminar Sunday afternoon, and then taking my turn at hostessing art gathering Sunday night.

Back to packing today and more attempting to tie up loose ends.

Trying to get medicine - I forget - there is a term for "what if" meds....pharmacy didn't have it....will look for it, then trying in trying $ on calcium and woke up barely able to walk because of muscle cramps, so hunting down a good absorbable calcium product....but just too tired to move anymore today. Going to try to get around a visit ya'll tonight. I don't know if the visit with my mother had with surgeon today was good or bad - she is not answering her telephone. May be angry with me for blowing the 3-5 scam. I assume she's ok - if I can't reach her tomorrow will call the neighbor or my nephew who lives in her basement.

Did have a wonderful time yesterday with family & friends. Been sleeping crazy again - 2 hours here, up wandering about, a couple more hours asleep and back up again. My soul prefers 8 hours of sleep - 10 pm to 6 am...not this wierd stuff. I think that's what is making me so tired. While dozing in the chair I gave "H" and grandson permission to eat over a 1/4 of the birthday cake before everyone got here. But then it WAS his cake! I think he and grandson even put in candles etc., I felt so bad for missing it! And they felt bad I jumped on them for eating it - oi, I think they did ask me...I was just in a sleepy fog. Trying to up load a video of art party - but internet not cooperating - I went a lower level in speed - can't log onto Coyote's blog - I cut back our cable and 24 channels which is our basic service is not very many channels I am finding out.

Oh, just checked weather report to figure out what to pack - eeee, 47-54 Centigrade with 40 mph winds expected this week - think I better add something substantial to the shorts and tank tops. Like a fur coat.

Wanted just two hours on beach today - to take away exhaustion. But it rained - and rained - and rained some more!

Puppet onna string...............

This is me - bag under arm - glasses - loping along the beach. (I've been told I really don't walk, I "lope.") Actually this is the avatar I painted for our collaborative painting at the beach - I obviously wasn't in the mood to paint. She is supposed to be a gray heron.

I've been so busy preparing to go to Wyoming for my mother's surgery - the circumstances keep jumping this way and that way - and I hate last minute stuff but I feel like a marionette being pulled by strings I have little control over. Anyway by Wednesday I should be on the plane, understandbly nervous about this for several reasons. I have felt like crap - that's blunt I know, this last week. Still not all the way back.

As I told my sister, anticipation is the worst of anything.

Yesterday my mother called to tell me she had a heart attack but was cleared for surgery, but what the doctor may have seen as heart damage could also be a breast. My first panic reaction was that if the doc didn't know the difference, I would cancel surgery ASAP. But what I did was call the doctor. Everything looks good for surgery - he said sometime in the far distant past there had been an "event" in the left side of the heart but her heart was working pretty well, a bit of blood flow not quite as it should be in lower base of heart, but the rest was pretty good.

So, while I had him on the phone, I ask what was the deal she was telling me about now for the last two years that they had told her she only had "three to five" years to live, and that two of those years had past since the doc's office had told her that. A silence ensued and then, did I hear laughter in the voice, the doc's PA said that they had never said that, and if that's all she had left, well, they could say the end would NOT be from a cardiac event, that she was actually in very good health. Busted! So when I told her she could stop worrying because there had been a misunderstanding and they had never told her that, she said "YOU didn't TELL them I told you that, did you? Well, yes, I, uh, thought it could potentially be a significant matter but aren't you happy because you do not have to worry about dying very soon now. I have a sixth sense to know when she is jerking my strings and I was right. Oh boy.

Will probably be a bad blogger for a while, at least until I get settled in there - and then after the surgery, I figure the nights will be long. I already have developed a habit of roaming about at night sorting paperwork, drinking coffee, checking to see what's on TV.

I've convinced myself I need to focus more and watch TV less AND save money for silly things like food, so I have cut back to 24 channels plus a few add ons - no more 70 channels. Grandson came to stay a few days and is in major shock. "H" hasn't come home to the bad news yet, haha. That means no more "Sci Fi" channel or "SyFy" as they have renamed it, for me. Egad. Will there be withdrawal?

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Last Weekend at Fort Pickens - the Leonissi

I run around with a pretty good looking bunch of ladies, huh? Ya, yah I need to get older friends so I will look younger! Actualy loss of body plumping fat has not been good in some ways. Still got cleavage though, LOL! We had a wonderful time at our 24 hour paintathon - I love these women. My turn for a painting party next week, Sunday night. Think I will paint tonight - haven't left the house today - what a treat - although I might have to make quick run to Walmart for lemons for water...and exercise, haha.

A joke started that we had our gathering in St. Agata, Italy - rumors spread - haha, and we wondered if anyone thought anything about such white sand in Italy - - ready to come swim in the Gulf Coast, anyone?

One of ours baked some of the most beautiful and delicioius gluten free desserts you would ever want to see or taste. We had healthy food - all Leonissi are fabulous cooks! Whoever thought I have would such a delight - spent so many years raising children - church, instense jobs, family, never took time to invest in friendships much - to my loss. But am redeeming the time now!

4th of July 2009

I've had the TV on too much the last few days - something I wasn't going to do. Whatever need I had by my voyeurism into the entertainment world's coverage of Michael Jackson's death has been filled apparently as I am tuned back to the real world. Or is it? I have heard a few vague reports that California is bankrupt and the government will be absorbing that burden in addition to the badly run financial institutions and auto makers mistakes. My understanding is that the U.S. government is broke - borrowing and/or printing money to continue functioning. So how do we bail out California, an economy which I recently read is equivalent to 1/7 of the WORLD's economy?

I mean, if I were a conspiracy theorist, I would almost think that Michael Jackson had been killed to cover up the disaster of the California situation and subsequent moves of government to straighten them out. To keep us shut up - we will start howling if we truly could see how serious a mess our country is in. How crazy would that sound - yet, we sit in front of the TV - at least I do trying to analyze the Jackson family dynamics while California symbolically slips into the Pacific.

There are dire predictions for America stating that the economic ramifications of California's mess will hit us this month. Unofficial unemployment counts are up to 13%! Our health care bill - well who has heard the details? I for one would like to know what I'm looking at! But I can't find any specifics, only conjectures and proposals and statements that the "details" will be worked out later. One reference I looked at stated that Americans could be looking at as much as $600 billion more dollars in taxes. So those who are lucky enough to still have jobs when this is passed will shoulder the costs? Why can't we vote on the bill when completed complete with details - what's the hurry? There are so many questions and so few answers.

The war, at least one of them is ending, so what are we going to do with our soldiers coming home to 13% unemployment? Many will have incredible medical needs - our health care system (which is evolving into something where only the very wealthy can afford good care) is tumbling like a twin tower. The injuries from this war are worse than any before, can we properly take care of returning soldiers? Where's the news on that?

As we go into the "4th" to celebrate our country's independence, we are looking at a country that has evolved into an entity far from what our forefathers envisioned, and fought for and died for. We no longer get any "real news" from the press. Truthfully Michael Jackson's death, Farrah Fawcett's death, and 90% of everything soaking up the airwaves is not going to affect my quality of life, not really, but what is not being reported on the matters I wonder about will most likely affect my quality of life.

I agree the medical system needs overhauled, but when we have huge greed driven mega corporations, including and especially the pharmaceutical companies I don't see the outcomes being much different - we keep shouldering heavier tax burdens as ordinary citizens, while services and goods become more substandard, where our retirement savings can be and has been stolen and we're just supposed to keep smiling. We accept thousands of immigrants with open arms (if unofficially) and our own citizens' homeless and jobless status increases. The number of people who beg in our streets in our town has exploded.

And it's not one man's fault as people who can't remember the last few decades of U.S. history complain about "the mess Obama has got us in." This kind of stuff doesn't happen overnight.

Feeding my family, keeping a roof over my head, adequate medical care when I need it, power to get to the store and doctors, a job if I can work - these things I need. I can live without the TV, our house has enough books to read for the next 50 years at which time it won't matter anyway. These things affect my life.

I wonder, is this a wake up call to Americans on this fourth of July? A wakeup to a country that has lost its identity or will we just keep sliding away into a dream of what once was? What will happen to our children and grandchildren?

If the prediction of $600 billion in new taxes and double taxing those of us who do have health care come true, then we can truly know that politicians will say anything to get into office and we can't believe a word!

We go into this independence holiday with way too many questions unanswered.

In the meantime, if I had a grill, I would grill some hotdogs. OD'ing on hot dogs sounds like a good short term solution to the part of my mind that is still messed up. I can make a chocolate cake with orange frosting and potatoe salad. But what would I do with it? Naw I would just eat it all. "H" will be working - I will be alone. Maybe I will just clean up the house and go to the beach and try not to worry....today is only Friday and I've tried to "do business" but "business" is closed down for tomorrow's holiday. I forget not being in the 9-5 world anymore.

Thrilled to Death

Thriller - Michael Jackson's life and death. After watching some of his videos without sound I am convinced that MJ's art came out of a re-enactment of his childhood as imaged through his mind. No wonder some of it seems creepy. Yet like so many, he made art of his inner torments.

I would rather he be surrounded by angels than demons - but perhaps like Elvis or Cobain, or Heath Ledger - the demons are what took him down. I'm sad, sad because children aren't protected, because sometimes they are used like objects in one manner or another. Sad because many of their lives are cut short, many don't have childhoods - only work, or war, or misery.

I don't know what he did - if accusations are true or if accusations are lies, time will play out the effects of his life. I'm only sad because no one protected him. Later, I think his friends tried to protect him, but he was flying away too far to touch anymore.

Maybe those who dance in his memory are doing their own dance to extinguish the demons, I don't know. Maybe they dance to say they understand. Maybe we all dance to the lies and the pain, dance to extinguish the pain. It doesn't work long term - but in the meantime, we dance.

Art in my head envisions a world of broadcasters with their mouths taped shut with surgical tape, taped for silence, and a coffin on a hill, awaiting its time to be lowered - and finally, for rest.