Oh Folks, woke up down in the dumps today - my back hurt all night - the rest of the packing looks overwhelming - maybe it isn't - just feels that way - I need to get all the bedding off and can't lift the mattresses to get the bed skirts off - watched a depressing movie about politics last night which I shouldn't have ("24") with Keith Sutherland.
Didn't want to go to church because one of the most virulent editorial writers about my old boss goes there.
I don't quite compute how my husband can say he loves me, and leave me out here to deal with all this myself with my back so messed up. If it were turned around, I would help him, I have helped him to my inconvenience, but isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about? But in the future, I would think twice before doing so, I'm so hurt and angry about that, and I'm not even back there yet. Guess he loves me if I am not inconvenient.
Didn't want to go to church because one of the most virulent editorial writers about my old boss goes there.
I don't quite compute how my husband can say he loves me, and leave me out here to deal with all this myself with my back so messed up. If it were turned around, I would help him, I have helped him to my inconvenience, but isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about? But in the future, I would think twice before doing so, I'm so hurt and angry about that, and I'm not even back there yet. Guess he loves me if I am not inconvenient.
My sis can't come help, she's in the middle of moving and trying to find a place to live. My mother is insisting on me staying at her place until well into February - and I would stay a couple of weeks, although I want to get out of this cold weather, and get settled. A month makes me feel hopeless. I'm starting to dread talking to her. She calls me daily with every terrible weather report in the Country and embelishes to make it even worse. She even counted my pills when I had my previous back surgery to make sure I didn't take "too many," never mind what the prescription said, (I still have some left over a year later - taking too many pills is not my thing), goes through the paper work tucked here & there in my car, anywhere else she can find it. I HAVE to mail all important papers directly to my home. Jees, even your own mother, you don't want knowing every detail of your business or life. Maybe I'm being too negative, I know she is going to be lonely - 2,000 miles is a lot further than 125. Maybe I should lay around there, eat just salads & fruit, take walks if the ground is not solid ice, try to get my health built up before leaving. But then why wait until my money is all gone? Oh dear Lord, I need direction.
I often wonder what it would be like to live somewhere besides Dysfunction Junction.
Something is wrong with this picture. At my age, I am supposed to have a home that I am the matriarch of, that runs according to MY schedule, be retired with real retirement $ behind me, and not still roaming the country like a 20 year old just getting started in life wondering what is going to happen to me in the next 20 years.
The girls both have kids in school. So that leaves - nada. Makes it worse because I hate having to have help - I've always been so independent in my life, I could do anything until recent years - well, until coming out here and losing 5 disks in my back. Now I can't even clean a blankety blank house.
Guess I'll go scrounge a couple of eggs for breakfast - I have many, many trips to make out back to dumpster today. It's below zero, but tolerable unless the wind gets into it. Have to go get the rest of Crohn's meds - the pharmacy never keeps enough in stock to fill a whole prescription.
I filed for a hearing at work, per our policies, just so I can say I have followed all the procedures. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about going in front of commissioners and their attorney and the new clerk - SD, but I will if I have to. Unemployment is "deciding" if I should get any because I was dismissed. I just sent off papers with an explanation of, "no reason for dismissal," never worked for new Clerk. All other recommendations - glowing, including commissioners - at least that's what was said when they were saying "goodbye" in December, despite all the put downs while they were trying to get SD into office.
What is the alternative to politics? They are an anarchy all of their own.
Something is wrong with this picture. At my age, I am supposed to have a home that I am the matriarch of, that runs according to MY schedule, be retired with real retirement $ behind me, and not still roaming the country like a 20 year old just getting started in life wondering what is going to happen to me in the next 20 years.
The girls both have kids in school. So that leaves - nada. Makes it worse because I hate having to have help - I've always been so independent in my life, I could do anything until recent years - well, until coming out here and losing 5 disks in my back. Now I can't even clean a blankety blank house.
Guess I'll go scrounge a couple of eggs for breakfast - I have many, many trips to make out back to dumpster today. It's below zero, but tolerable unless the wind gets into it. Have to go get the rest of Crohn's meds - the pharmacy never keeps enough in stock to fill a whole prescription.
I filed for a hearing at work, per our policies, just so I can say I have followed all the procedures. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about going in front of commissioners and their attorney and the new clerk - SD, but I will if I have to. Unemployment is "deciding" if I should get any because I was dismissed. I just sent off papers with an explanation of, "no reason for dismissal," never worked for new Clerk. All other recommendations - glowing, including commissioners - at least that's what was said when they were saying "goodbye" in December, despite all the put downs while they were trying to get SD into office.
What is the alternative to politics? They are an anarchy all of their own.
6 comments:
Holy Cow - you are as blue as the weather there. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could help. Crohns meds? really? On top of everything else. My dear. And where IS your husband? It's not about love, it's a partnership, and he's witnessing his partner drown. IS he as overwhelmed as you? This all sounds so hard! I am sure your om is going to be very lonely without you. But, you also need to get settled. Maybe she would want to move where its warm too?
When my dad was 68, he packed up an old tired honda civic, got the dog shaved and moved to California. He had very little money and only the belongings in his car. He was starting over. It was really brave of him. I often wonder if I will have that kind of gumption if I need it at that age.
wow - how is your dad doing now? I'm impressed!
So sorry you're feeling so down. You've been through so much lately, you probably need some processing time. I hope all works out with the unemployment. There's always so many stipulations with it, isn't there?
And, yes, where IS your husband? I would be on the phone demanding that he come and help. You're coping with so much on your own; you need a soft place to fall.
Well, it turned out he had cancer and passed away at 74. BUT, all the more brave because he was certainly getting sick then too.
Wow. I wish that I lived close to you. I would bring my kids and Hubby and we would have your place packed in no time. You wouldn't have to worry about making those trips to the dumpster.
I often wonder about my Hubby, too. He is great guy, but there are times when I'm left to wonder..If he loves then how can he leave me to deal with all of this on my own? I fell down the church steps yesterday, and he was upset because I broke one of his clay pots.
Sorry?
Men just don't see things the same way that we do, I guess. Maybe you need to call him and tell him that you are overwhelmed and need him to help you. NOW. Don't let him off the hook on this one.
I hope that you're feeling a little better today. Maybe some time at your mom's place would be a nice change of pace? I'm sure that your mom is going to miss you.
I wish that things were a bit easier for you right now. Good luck with the move, and phone your Hubby!
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