SCREAM

I lost my internet connection yesterday later in the day. Before church it was fine. I came home, it was gone. The network and router just disappeared off my computer. It took hours to figure it out and restore everything. Why should I freak? I can journal by handwriting, wow, that antique practice! I could use the time to actually do a painting. OR finish painting the outside door. So why the freakout. Is the computer a bit addicting, hmmmmmmm? I'm talking to my self here.

How do you have the files in your computer organized?

I have hundreds of files in my computer. Somehow while organizing my folders and files to do the new website for art, I started moving files to a root folder to set up a site, and I jumbled my files up. Don't know how I did it. I've been doing major moves, moving pictures off the computer onto CD's, anticipating eventual storage problems if I didn't, so the usual place I had everything put and knew where files were was rearranged.

This sounds incredibly stupid, I know, but this computer came with a pre-set "My Portfolio" folder. So what did I do when I wanted to move all the art to a folder for the website? I set up a "myportfolio" folder which became jumbled with "My Portfolio." And the root folder I name "myart" while having another folder named "My art." Stupid, stupid, stupid! So now I have to move files, redefine the site. I've lost some of my skills obviously.

So I am not only housecleaning a house, but housecleaning the computer. I am thankful I only began the initial design of the web pages, and wasn't too far in or the links would have come out like the "spaghetti" of wires and cords on my floor by the computer.

My life feels just about as jumbled. I have given myself two months to get organized with some kind of "earn at home" situation. I want to do art, but putting the house back together is coming so slowly.

There are "projects" sitting all over - plastic containers waiting for scrap booking which would make wonderful Christmas presents. Art supplies. My exotic materials are in Wyoming and J loaned my sewing machine to someone and hasn't brought it back. I need to yell! But would I use it right now, no? I make these wonderful purses that are fun and would no doubt sell. Where is my "git up n go?"

I sit here at the computer gazing out at the palms and decided I really did pick the right place to plant them. I want to plant more stuff. But haven't really fertilized the flowers properly that survived my absence. I used to be such a go getter - here I sit at the computer, happily typing away and thinking. Yaaaaaaagh!

A day in my life some years ago: Get up and feed children breakfast, get self and children ready for school. (No cold cereal either!) Get them off to school. Go to work. At lunch go to Grandma's, check up on her and her house. Get off work, pick up kids, go home and cook dinner - a diet one for me, something the kids liked, and then something for an extremely picky husband who prefers living off of sausage and hamburger. Ok, then did the dishes, threw in the laundry, cleaned up the house, ironed hubby's work shirts and kid's clothes. Oh, yeh, throw in time to study/read the Bible. I prayed as I moved like a whirlwind.

Loved to have people over for dinner, to entertain.

If I didn't tackle the 2nd job of church secretary for the evening, I would sit down at the sewing machine and sew the girls' and my clothes. (Living in Wyoming is sort of like the mission field, not much shopping - these were pre-internet days). On weekends, it was more laundry and housecleaning. Then I would go over and clean grandma's house, and of course take her grocery shopping. My oldest would go with me and mow. Sometimes I did the mowing - grandma not only wanted the grass mowed, but we had to do the vacant lots and the alley. There are long stories to tell about grandma.

If her roof needed repaired, I got up on the roof and did it. I also went to church every time the door opened AND hosted a "care group" in my home. I repainted, redecorated my tract home, it was a beautiful oasis. My job was responsible, I was an administrative assistant to the City Manager. No wonder I'm falling apart. This went on for fifteen years, full steam ahead. My calendar had every 1/2 hour slot filled. No wonder I am crashed. BUT I WAS SO ORGANIZED AND GOT THINGS DONE! Now I can't even get the house clean all at once over a two day period. Or trim my blankety blank bushes!

All the memories my kids have of me in those years is of the busy whirl in my life. My son was living in another town with my mother in order to go to a private school. I would try to get down there when I could. That was a situation that tore me up inside, literally.

Sitting here at the computer now with crappy health and overwhelmed by the small (comparatively) amount I have to do now, I'm beginning to cry. I want to do it all, once again. If not all, just enough. No, be truthful, for me just enough is never enough. Don't like being exhausted after 4 hours. Don't like not being able to cook a picnic, pack it up, and pack to the beach for the whole day. Don't like running across these screwy situations I've ran across. Ok, ok, will talk to myself. I'm alive, I'm walking about, my family is nearby, I have a good car, my palms & yard are pretty, I have new skills, I have done about everything I wanted to do, that is within the constraints of my circumstances. But, still how I miss being young and pretty and energetic.

Have you ever enjoyed an incredibly beautiful day and you lived it to the max, being afraid it would be a long time before it came around again? Well, that is what life feels like and how I feel inside. I don't want to waste even a precious minute. I've yet to reassess what "waste" is, though, I guess.

Yeh, this rainy day is sort of giving me fits of nostalgia. The solution? Create the kind of life I want now within the parameters available to me. Meditate. Think! What is it? Focus and accomplish what I can. Look as nice as I can. Go to the gym. Eat right. Get enough sleep. Don't freak. Trust God, trust my gut. Pray. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. And paint. Just sit down in the middle of the blankety blank list of to do's and PAINT!

Too Funny to Resist Posting

You have got to be kidding!

I had things to say, but the more I thought about it, better remain speechless.

Food, food, and more food and Tales of food

What got into me? I went to the doctor today to be told I wasn't dizzy but I had - uh, something else - syncopathy? But he didn't know what that could mean. The symptoms I am having now, that I had until the second transfusion are not symptoms of anemia he said.

Maybe now designated symptoms of anemia are not really symptoms anymore and this information should be passed along to the many websites I visit as I look for management of the illness and ways to get better. Anyway, yeh, I'm still anemic, that new blood doesn't last so long, but not quite as bad as before the last transfusion. So just keep doing what I'm doing. OR not doing. ??????

I am supposed to go to the blood specialist, but can't get in for another month. So I guess if I faint someone will haul me to ER. Mostly I worry about the symptom of brain damage from lack of oxygen in the blood cells. Maybe its because I'm old - he doesn't think I need my brain anymore.

SO! I then went grocery shopping like a mad woman.

Well, my mother told me to do it. She said to go to Sam's Club, meat and produce were sooooo much cheaper and better. So, first I go to Albertson's for their sales. (However after driving the 27 miles back home, I discover they charged me about $20.00 too much on sale items - the deli man refused to steam the "sale" crab and I was mad.) But to go on - three of us unloaded the car when I got home.

This is the aftermath in my kitchen - splitting chicken breasts into small bags, and very, very lean hamburger as well. Grandson could not wait for crab, so we steamed it and ate it on the spot. Then he decided we needed to clean the kitchen drawers, but tired out in the middle. These photos are my kitchen today.

My mother was right. Got lotsa stuff but I did spend enough to worry me at other times, today I just had fun! I bought olives, I bought gardenalia, I bought pickled peppers, AND pepperoncini. I bought olive salad and three bean salad and more! And I have enough fruit cut up in the fridge to host a major party tonight. It sure would be good soaked in a white wine........sigh. MMMM. Champagne. And I bought THREE tubes of Sensodyne toothpaste. Toilet paper. Paper towels. Yeh! What fun.

So if I married a meatcutter, why do I buy meat? (He doesn't like it when I do.) Well, he brings home these bargains alright, pull dated meat, a good deal of it sausage. He puts it in the refrigerator for several weeks and it may or may not make it to the freezer. He says the new packing methods keep it just fine. Then he cooks it sometimes, sometimes it lays there mostly like forever. My mind is working. How did little boy stay alive for the two years I was gone? I am feeding him lots and lots of garlic trying to rid him of any disease picked up from the raw chicken legs PawPaw fed him a couple of weeks ago.

Why don't I take it out of the fridge and freeze it? You have to see our fridge to understand. There are layers. Stuff over a year old goes to the back, and all else is filed by the date it is put in there, filed to the front. Fridge is double wide. It hides things. Forever sometimes. It's kind of like the pine trees, you may or may not remember something was there - in the fridge.

Back to hamburger - hamburger made me awfully sick when I was pregnant (almost 30 years ago) with the youngest. I haven't eaten it until recently. Stale hamburger meat still makes my stomach churn. When I see hamburger and sausage, I see arteries clogged with these little yellow ball thingies. But I am trying to eat red meat for the iron. I was proud of my economical and very lean hamburger find today and cooked some up for tacos tonight - it smelled fine.

Oh, by the way 4D, I have the BEST recipe for curried hamburger and peas (straight from a Pakistani friend, yes) And,yes, it is out of this world! You scoop it up with bread. Hot and spicy. Red curry. Yum. I will do that tomorrow.

Help Solve the Mystery

See the three pine trees at the corner of the fence? They are about five feet tall. I planted them for privacy on the corner. Planted them a few years before Ivan visited. (Hurricane). They were beautiful. They were also standing when I left Florida AFTER Ivan.

Yesterday, out of the blue, I noticed they were GONE! And the swing set, which needs to be taken down, the chains have rusted and the wood is rotting, was sitting over "the spot" where my trees were. So I asked hubby. "What happened to the pine trees I planted?" "What pine trees?" "The ones in this photo, this is our yard, isn't it?" "I don't remember." "You don't remember?" "How does it happen that five and six foot trees can disappear and you don't remember?" "Did the swing set walk itself over to cover up the evidence?" He walks off.

Daughter doesn't remember - I'm not sure she is aware there is a back yard. Her days have become blurs of night shifts and sleeping.

Grandson looks at me blankly. Neighbor does not want to discuss it.

Clues? I look for stubs, none there - the only witnesses are not witnesses at all.

Odd the stub from the pine tree in the front of the house that fell during Ivan was removed as well. Hubby DOES remember that.

And, another mystery solved: The stately palms in pots on the front porch are missing. Hubby doesn't remember that either. Maybe there were long weeks at a girlfriend's house while I was gone and he really doesn't know? But grandson tells me they died and PawPaw bought new ones before I came home once, but they died too.

The gold fish died as well. No one can figure that out either. My guess is that living things need food to survive. And water. Plant food, animal food, people food. Ya think? However the pines were native pines - and very happy to live on whatever nutrients and rain they find in the environment.

Any thoughts? Perhaps Big Foot - travels through here at night ripping out trees, etc., and takes them home for his very own? Big Foot ate the fish? Vandalism? A confused fisherman, lost, not realizing the bay is only an hour's walk away? WERE MY TREES KIDNAPPED? Alien abduction?

Birthday Parties

It's nice being back, I can take grandson to birthday parties when mom works on weekends and can't. Montessori parents have these really great birthday parties for the kids because the parents all go and have fun too! These folks live on the water and yeh, this is their back yard. I didn't ask them about Ivan. People want to forget. They had a 17 foot waterslide that the adults had a blast on as well. The kids went solid for 5 hours, then the adults joined in. There were great eats, and the little birthday Prince and Princess were celebrated in a bang up way. What a party. From the slide, I think there was one bloody nose, one bloody knee but no visits to the ER. The kids were having so much fun, they didn't let a little blood get in the way! At my grandson's party, a little guy ran out prematurely to get pinata candy and got whacked in the forehead. So, next year, what can we plan that will be fun for all ages, and safe as well? The little fellow coming down the slide with the snorkle mask on was my grandson. Five hours of water slide wearing a snorkle mask that covers your nose and you have to breathe with your mouth open? Ah, don't ask. I didn't.

Leaving Egypt

Received my walking papers at work. Odd how some jobs turn out to be something entirely different than what they are portrayed to you before saying "yes." I found this one to be a "nose in the computer and numbers" job, and no time for interaction with anything but blurs and blurs of numbers. My boss even wanted me to stack my used envelopes in a certain manner after I opened them.

He trained me on some things as to how he wanted them done and other things he just threw on my desk or didn't give them to me at all and pouted when I didn't do what I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I could not get out gracefully (with my unemployment insurance returned to me) unless I agreed to stay another week so he could go on vacation. So if I was such a failure, why did he want me there to take care of things while he's gone? I don't get it.

I'm thinking I am just too old to be in an occupation I've always disliked - administrative work. I'm burned out. I wanted to be an artist, a dancer, a writer. My mother wanted me to be a secretary. I wanted to go to college. She wanted me to work immediately, to heck with planning for a career or future - that was not for her daughter. I don't get that either.

But, I just know I don't think I can go back there without heavy psychiatric meds. Back to Egypt. I have been praying - what next. What next. I can't do this anymore. There is a mystique that goes with working as a secretary, administrative assistant, etc. It is a mystique that demands one to be usually subservient (and I'm always happy to stay in the background) but there is such a thing as treating people decently and with respect, even if they work for you. My boss at the County treated me as an equal and a partner, not someone to bully. Girls, it gets worse when you get older.

This area is also weird for employment. The clinic where I had my back treated has had almost a complete turnover in their support staff of several - yes, women. I don't get it.

I still say, and this is a very UNpopular stance, the whole thing about not guarding our southern border like any other sane country does and being strict on immigration for more than the few (like Albanians, Cubans, etc. - why can't they hop on over?) is to break the wage structure in the U.S. They (corporations) have already broken the unions. They've broken the farmers. They've purchased the politicians.

So what's that got to do with Egypt. It is Egypt. When I went to Wyoming God told me (yeh, God talks to me) that I would be dancing "over all those graves." I thought, huh? Well, my people are buried there. There's one left living - my mother. And I didn't do any grave dancing. I just wanted to dig my relatives up and get them out of that hell hole when I left. The corrupt can have government. Maybe if I were younger I would have more fight left, I don't know.

Lately I've realized how much being there ended that romantic notion of "Wyoming" and my life that I left there in '79. It's over. Gone. That was in the first leaving. The return was going back to Egypt - to government that I used to love, to mountains I used to love, to the town I used to love, to my ancestors' ground - to find it all like a dead body full of worms. So, a second Exodus was necessary. There was much that was accomplished there however - God is always graceful and I don't think I was out of his plan for me. It's just that the book is closed...finally. So in a way it is a dancing over the graves of the past. I was blessed with learning a lot, and great new friends, a deeper understanding of my spiritual walk, and I had a couple of things I HAD to do.

So back in Florida, what do I do? I go to where I worked before I left here - and as soon as I sat down at the desk my guts started churning, knowing this was the wrong place. What had I done - made the trip back to Egypt AGAIN - how slow am I? I am gracefully extracted and quickly! I think God is telling me to go into business for myself. After next week, I'm beginning my web site in earnest. And art. And we'll see where it leads. At least I think I'm out of the "Red Sea" now - perhaps wondering in the wilderness, but at least on dry ground.

I'll work on school things with the little boy - maybe even talk mom into enrolling him in Karate and music....piano maybe...and I'll take him. I'll visit the older grandchildren who are growing too quickly...and not miss their lives. I try to pay more attention to their moms, my kids. To listen more. To listen to the outside, the birds, the big water, the rain.

So. It's good.

kitty kat

Grandson went to the circus and was so amazed to discover that housicus cattus can be trained. Does anyone know how to train a cat? I don't. I owned a persian once, they are more stubborn than any breed I've ever known. Look at this guy! (gal?)

Corn and Cars

Didn't go to the hospital and the dizziness has decreased. The reason I didn't go, little boy ccomplained of dizziness too - so dizzy is probably a wee virus. I'm just a scaredy cat because of recent events. Want to stand on mountains tops and scream "I want to live!"

I watched Mel Gibson's APOCALYPTO. It was great! I loved it - but in another life I would of been an anthropologist. All cultures and their history are so fascinating, I couldn't understand why no one would watch it with me. The costuming was splendid. The scenery stunning! The story - probably close to the real thing from what I've read. A lot of research went into the movie. Leave it to Mel Gibson - brilliant film maker. I have never seen such a depiction of the Mayan sacrifices before. Horrible. No wonder the culture died.

I kept thinking of Candy Minx's comments on the hunter-gatherer societies as I watched the movie. Then, at the very end, it starts a new story - that of the beginning of westernization in Central America, though the movie was actually filmed in a Mexico forest. At the beginning of the movie, and as it happens in all societies, war came - one society attacks another and carries off people (resources) to make slaves to do the hard work. (Didn't they ever hear of immigration?)

The line at the end of the movie was priceless - the explorers had arrived - the wife and mother looked up at her husband and said, shall we go down to them? His black eyes were serious - and he said, "No, we're going back to the forest." {sic}

Our society - I am reading about bees, about deforestation world wide consequences, pollination, about corn, about fuel, about the economy. Now, steak is $10.00 a pound or so. That's supposedly because 1/3 of the corn (a live stock feed staple, that and other cow's brains) is being used to develop and make fuel. That's it in a nutshell and I'm thinking, ok, the extremely wealthy barons and politicians are now controlling - our food pantries.

Because we are no longer villagers - we TRAVEL! (I commute 27 miles each way daily - no buses except inner city here) More blatant control over our lives than days of old. Our forefathers would not have stood for it. But history shows, it (control of economy by the rich) was beginning even back then! That's why the south stays mad at the north. No slave labor - well except wages are notoriously low here. There is sort of a lingering effect.

Anyway, back to corn: This, in turn, is affecting other markets as farmers switch their crops from soy, cotton, and others to more profitable corn crops. Again, I read that soy beans and corn are some of the more common genetically messed with crops. Do we really want to eat "modern" corn anyway?

And don't we sometimes yearn to stop the craziness, the complication, the wear and tear on earth, and just go back to being hunters and gatherers? Have we made that much progress anyway?

In re: my former place of work, I'm leaning toward letting the jackals just chew each others' legs off and preserving my own. Thanks for feedback...still not a 100% decision though.

Dizzy Introspection

Trying to do things today, but so dizzy I feel like I've been turning in circles as fast as I can. Ever do that as a little kid? I was dizzy while lying still in bed last night.

Trying to decide if I need to go to ER? Don't want to spend my day off up there, but in light of recent events I'm a little scared. If I go and ya don't hear from me, it means they have kept me. This time I'm taking a portable DVD player. And refusing transfusions from nurses that act like the one from "Cuckoo's Nest." In the mean time, my husband's health insurance has expired, but the new insurance has not kicked in, so I don't know if they will even admit me. I would not go, hoping it would eventually wear off but I dang near died even when I went last time.

First I have to clean up and sanitize poopy stain where Ms. Meowi relieved herself - wish I knew how cats think. She'll be really good and then out of nowhere - the assault upon my senses! Then after that episode, this morning she ran over my foot leaving deep claw marks, enough for blood to run on the floor. (You can tell a cat lover by their scars.) Right now she is staying away from me because I sure did yell at her. I wish there was some way to indulge in a love for animals absent pet hairs, vomit, poop & pee, wounds, and expense and a lot of work. I mean kids are work enough - but face it, they hit the toilet much more often than pets. And if a child wounded me, I would have the child at the therapist's office. How unsanitary are pets? I hate to think. How insane am I for having this menagerie. Maybe I should see the therapist.

I turned the one workplace into EEO. They say I have a definite case for age discrimination. Now, I'm wondering if I should go through with it. Half of me says, yes - they shouldn't be able to flaunt the laws. But they do it all the time in all categories, but that is not my job to make them obey laws. My job is to take care of myself. I'm still angry at them. But the other half of me tells me I need to get my strength back and get well and move on. I have the EEO papers on my desk looking at me. Other possibilities are that, even though I did nothing wrong, and served the entity and my boss and even the commissioners well, because of politics and viciousness they may come after me even though they know that I spoke the truth when they started after us politically. It has happened and continues to happen in that town. In politics, if you aren't in with the crowd of the moment, then you're trashed. Yet recently two long time residents who were/are embezzlers of other people's money (thousands and thousands) walk the streets and the Elk's club with what looks like immunity - but that's only my knowledge. Most people would be in jail though.

Oh, enough, I need to access the website for my husband's work and see if there are any instructions on how to get medical care when the store is saying they don't know if there is coverage.

Costa Rica

Candy Minx, once upon a time suggested I post some pics of Costa Rica. I wish I could find the camera disc with the sunsets on them, but here are some. My daughter is going back in July! Beginning with the airport terminal in Quepos and breakfast, enjoy!

Ya'll know anything about swate tay, bolled peanuts, or the pole-eece?

Folks, Ahm just proud ta know that my Wahoming drawhl has gone to the bottom of the pahl. When I first came here I couldn't understand anyone. My first boss ask me to poleeze ask for the spelling of names when people called. Anyway, here is my mix:

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English 25% Dixie 10% Yankee 5% Midwestern 5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The weekend is here, the weekend is here......

Can't think of much going on. Tonight, during the 40 minute minus or plus commute to work I listened to an interview with an author, Ross, who wrote "Everyman." Was interesting - I want to read it now.

A detour was necessary as it looked like a setup for a parade downtown. There is always something interesting to see. I pass this beauty shop/gallery almost everyday. I really enjoyed this Afro American painting. Whoever it is, is quite prolific. I think he sells quite a bit too!

I hope to get some beach sunshine this weekend. We'll see. I think I can walk more than normal now to get to a good spot, which for the last six months was shuffle, or walk then suffer a day or two. The physical therapy is going well. I just wonder how I will manage without the great machines they use, that have padded knee guards - which are really handy for people like me whose knee caps tend to twist off on a whim. In fact, those twisty knee caps have been a literal pain all my life. But the time I realized that type of problem could be fixed, I had so much damage in them that I wasn't ready to undertake the surgery and the time off work that it necessitated.

The physical therapist was a professional weightlifter. This is the first time I have used weights without pain. He's good. I try to get my daughters to go there for treatment - there is Antonio Banderas who runs the clinic, then this guy, who has longish wavy silver hair, a deep tan, muscles and blue eyes. Well, to be fair he is taken. He's a good one though, he calls all the old ladies "Sweetheart."

Antonio sits at his desk most of the time. He's not into much bone cracking, but is taken with all these wonderful machines that make one feel quite better.

I am reading four books on ADD/ADHD and one of them explains the value of alignment for our bodies, massage and the effects that the body has on the brain. We always think of it the other way around - at least I do. Body/brain is a two way street! I'm learning lots of interesting things some of which I already knew.

I'm so sad to say that the little boy has been diagnosed by a neuropsychologist. I get a sick feeling when I think of medications. He's very bright, but has memory problems and problems staying on task unless its computers, video games, or the TV and the latter two are not good things for any kid (too much of it anyway) let alone an ADD kid. And I wish his parents would quite giving him candy and cakes and ice cream. When I wasn't working, I had his diet cleaned up pretty well. I guess we will overcome, but for now I feel very sad about it.

Have a good weekend!

Proof that Cats Rule

Click on the picture and you will see who has control of the remote!

The Vision Quest and another Fantastic Tale

Ok, folks here it is - the story that will put me on the fruitcake (unbalanced) list. But there is more there than the solid computer keys you touch.

Once upon a time, I was an alcoholism counselor. I had a field office in a county and I really really loved my job. I also worked on the Indian reservation. Being part Indian, I was accepted fairly well. I went to feasts and ceremonies that other whites were not invited to. I loved the stews with corn and the deep fried Indian bread and the smell of woodsmoke.

There was an old man that could not speak English. We spoke by drawing in the dirt with a stick.

I saw things that frightened me - like an arm coming through my car window. An owl following me from place to place - a girl I went to talk to laid out on the sofa in full ceremonial dress looking like she was dead, but I was told to leave her alone, she was on an astral trip somewhere. I did, I left her lying there. The following week she came back.

I ran into Russell Banks or Dennis Means (I can't remember which, Banks, I think) in a bar while looking for a mommy who was needed by her children. The lights were turned out and I waited. They came back on and everyone was pleased that I stayed put and calm which demonstrated trust. (Little did they know what was going on inside - or maybe they did). Mom called me a white witch, and I told her if she hated whites so much she should hate the liquor that stole her childrens' mother from them.

An Indian friend whose husband was going to trial for murder wanted me to go to the Indian doctor with her and we were to travel to another reservation and leave at midnight. We took tobacco for the shaman/doctor. The owl followed us all the way. He knew me, and gave me my instructions. The Shaman blew a wind over me and shook his rattles. His instructions were to not eat anything given to me on the reservation. Watch out. He was also a psychic surgeon and I saw various organs and wierd things sitting about in jars.

So many problems arose from two warring factions and each faction had it's powerful people putting curses on the other faction.

A tall beautiful brown man fell in love with me. I was dangerously teetering.

Soon, I began to feel pretty messed up. Being a spiritual questor, but not yet a Christian, and having been raised on horror movies, my first thought for help with such fearful spiritual matters was the Catholic Church. I mean, all the horror movies, a cross, a Catholic Church and garlic were the standard protections, right? I went. The Father there said what I was experiencing was real and that is why the Church did not want folks messing with such powers. He didn't give me any of the things I thought I would get. Later, I discovered that if one knows God, then we have power over the entities I battled with.

I packed up my family and left that area and moved far away.

But sometimes when I smell woodsmoke and my spirit tells me the other half of my people are nearby, I want to park my car, get in an old pickup and ride off toward the horizon. Sometimes.

Looking back, I think no wonder I have not kept a job for 30 years and retired - I look back at a series of places where there was deep spiritual battle. I used to joke about the last stint in Wyoming being a spiritual assignment. Maybe it was. I'm sure banged up from the war, that's for sure.

Out there a Mexican shaman became my friend. He always showed up to warn me of problems. He was always right. I knew he had a sickness and I prayed for him. He was/is a brilliant man who sees deep into other places while living a grounded life and running a business. Yes, I put up a guard. I did not want to travel anywhere by any other means than a car, airplane or my feet.

Well, my grandson is bringing me back to firmly planted terra earth, I need to make a bedtime snack and get him settled in for the night.

Mother's Day

Mum's Day plant........it loves the moist outdoors! Mom plant will die and her "puppies" (the new plants)that will grow about her roots will grow and become beautiful in their time.



Ahhhhh, new shoes and dress socks



















Mother's Day! Here's my crew except my other daughter was working.













Yep, this is sort of a belated post! Here it is Memorial Day already. My mother is taking flowers to my son's resting place. I see it in my mind - and the view of the mountains in the Wyoming he loved. I think of all the moms (and dads and siblings) that are having bad holidays because of loved ones not being with them because of war, life's absurdities, or just silly family arguments.

Take time out and hug your family, hubby, wife, dog, cat, today, ok?

Songs and Shreks

This is going to be an eclectic post once again.

I went to my granddaughter's performance recital this weekend. It was so much fun watching her dance and act. I was so proud of her. But I realized the tears in my eyes were not only from love and pride over this beautiful girl, but from regret for the song and dance that was stolen from me. Sometimes, though when that happens, the circle of life brings it back to our hearts anyway! And often in a way we never imagined.

When very small, I loved to sing, and my heart yearned to dance. I was pretty and nimble. My recollections, though were that my every attempt to sing or twirl were met with nasty comments and cold indifference. I retreated into a fantasy world where I sang and danced in a place far, far away and the pure joy of the dancing did not include any reactions from others. Too young, too young to assimilate that lesson.

Even now, when I want to sing, I have to make a conscious effort to sing for the joy of the sing, and not let words spoken from the past stifle the song. I wrote a poem once about the theft of the song. Here's "kudos" for the parents who rejoice in their children and give them the chances to grow from the talents and desires within their little hearts.

Then, speaking of far, far away, youngest grandson begged me to take him to see the 3rd Shrek. As with the first, I did not want to go, but we went and this time laughed until we cried. The reviews have not been so good, but I found this to be a movie that could pull off zany humor for both adults and children. I loved it. Throw in all the old fairy tale characters that I know so well, Snow White, Cinderella, and more becoming macho women and we laughed some more.

I love the Pussycat character. I can still recite all of "The Owl and The Pussycat" by heart. I was raised on fairy tales, even the scary ones, and made sure my children were read to about Snow White, Cinderella, Red Riding Hood, The Gingerbread Man, and so many more. I read poems to them that I didn't remember well enough to recite.

The classic characters were worth spending the money on the movie. Also I found out, not having seen Shrek 2, that Donkey married the Dragon and they had donkey-dragon babies, fire breathing, donkey-headed, dragon winged babies. Donkey and the Cat were hilarious, at one point, exchanging bodies. Just watching the donkey's fur stiffen and seeing a donkey hiss like a cat was worth going to the movie. It was full of so much fun. See it if you can. I needed something frivolous!

My head feels wacko fuzzy (blood thinners?) - is my brain leaking - I know its leaking important information that it should be retaining - then I get fuzzier from the stress - my back pretty painless other than some soreness, spasms, but hey, low grade to what has gone on from October until recently. I start physical therapy Tuesday.

So that's it for now!

Tryin' to Blog

Been too tired to blog. Don't know why. Just am.

I'll try to think of something at least partially brilliant this weekend. Till then, g'nite!

for Puppy

The Demented Cat Game

Slow Irish music………..flute, guitar, harp

Come on you young fellows and listen while I sing
For the love of a Kitty Kat is a terrible thing
They’ll banish your senses,
You’ll be prisoner with pain and they’ll make you part of
The Demented Cat game

My name is Marc and I’m only 33,
My home is in Austin and two cats live with me
I’ve known all my life that all cats are the same
But I still fell in love with the demented cat game

These two cats of mine have terrorized me
My home is too small for their cat tyranny
My friend Nancy is greatly to to blame,
She taught me the joys of the demented cat game

I came home and saw Tory stretched out in his chair
And I noticed something awful in his stare
His tongue licked his mane
He tormented me with the Demented Cat Game

It’s barely two years since these three cats moved in
The sofa is now covered with the scent of cat gin
I read about felines and never wanted the same
‘til I became part of the demented cat game

I lie in my bed and on me my cats lie
I see Tory’s legs spin, he’s ready to fly
He jumps on my tongue I give thanks for the pain
That's part of the torture of the Demented Cat game

Mother's Day

Shouldn't equate loot with Mother's Day - but hey, all that hard work and pruning, and patience, and standing by them, is paying off. My kids are so good to me. Here is one present - a ZUNE - it holds 7,500 songs - wow! I have even downloaded Irish Drinking Songs for Cats. Now that's something. Lots of Dylan, Cowboy Junkies, Taj Mahal, African Orphans singing songs, all of Paul Simon after he picked up the African sounds, and I'm after more! I am not a music nut either. Most of my life music has taken the low place. First because of finances, a single mom with two kids can barely afford chewing gum, let alone music. Then I became sort of a monk-ess for a decade, and listened to only a limited amount of a certain type of music. Then I've became too busy. Now turning over a new leaf and getting me some portable speakers. I have great ear phones now - can't wait - music in the car, in the office, while exercising, music everywhere! I will have to remember: People! listen to people in my life as well.

All you mommas, have a happy mother's day - if you aren't a momma, and you probably are to kids or cats or puppies or bunnies or somethin' - or you have a momma or a good friend who has nurtured you in some way - have a happy happy mother's day

oh dear - I love my ear phones - hubby sitting behind me on couch ranting on about Immus and people griping about bigotry being bigots and I don't get it - oh yeah, happy to have the music - Dylan, "...ohhhhhhhhh, mamma, you gonna miss your best friend now, you gonna have to find another best friend somehow......mamma don't you let me down." Hmmm, I wonder if Dylan had a prophetic moment about the New Orleans disaster - he's singing about a flood almost sounds like a description of New Orleans 9th ward ....

gotta go, now we are into "Tangled Up in Blues."

Are we willing to gamble?

IPCC Global Call for Action on Climate Change. By Joseph Coleman, The Associated Press, May 4, 2007. "Under the most stringent scenario, the report said the world must stabilize the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere by 2015 -- eight years from now -- to keep global temperatures from rising more than 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit over preindustrial levels.

Delegates said the approval of the report should conclusively debunk arguments by skeptics that combatting global warming was too costly, that it would stifle development in the world's poorer countries or that the temperature rise had gone too far for humankind to do anything about. 'If we continue doing what we are doing now, we are in deep trouble,' cautioned Ogunlade Davidson, the chair of one of the working groups at the weeklong conference in Bangkok, Thailand...

Coming out of the meeting early Friday, delegates said science appeared to have trumped politics -- especially opposition from booming China, which wanted language inserted allowing for a greater buildup of greenhouse gases in the environment before action would be taken... Delegates at the meeting had wrestled over how to share the burden of cutting emissions, how much such measures would cost, and how much weight to give certain policy measures, such as advanced nuclear power, an option supported by the United States.

'This is still an excellent report,' French delegate Michel Petit said, adding that China and the other developing countries ended up compromising on all major issues. 'Nothing important was removed during the process'... The report follows two studies by the IPCC earlier this year warning that unabated greenhouse gas emissions could drive global temperatures up as much as 11 degrees Fahrenheit by 2100, triggering a surge in ocean levels, destruction of vast numbers of species, economic devastation in tropical zones and mass human migrations.

Even the most stringent efforts outlined in the report, however, would not save the globe from suffering. An increase in temperatures to 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit could still subject up to 2 billion people to water shortages by 2050 and threaten extinction for 20 to 30 percent of the world's species, the IPCC said."

Roses.....

The pale pink roses counted up to over 90 roses that were in bloom, had just bloomed, or budding. The darker roses are all I will probably get off that bush this summer, maybe one or two more flowers as it gets hotter.

The ex-son-in-law and little boy worked hard getting the weeds out this afternoon after we made a trip to Lowe's and I purchased primer and paint for the front door, grass seed for the bare spots in the lawn, a new invention - a weed mat which you lay down over cleaned soil, dig a hole in and plant your flowers. The water & light will go through but the weeds can't grow. Also bought a couple of plants. While digging out the weeds, they found the remnants of the lavender that used to bloom so profusely and attract the bees.

Husband said he was glad the bees were gone - but unless they are yellow jackets, bees won't bother you. I love bees, they entertain me, but more importantly, they serve a grander purpose of keeping the earth in balance. Anyway, I could put my hand down in the lavender and the bees were too busy on their pollinating mission to bother with hurting me. I've been reading that the bees were disappearing around the world. This bothers my heart a lot.

One of my most precious memories was a trip we made up the side of the mountain in Albania, the eastern music playing through the hills. We were on our way to pray for a friend's sick bees. Those minutes of walking up the mountains, the music, the smells were heady and hypnotizing. In the countryside in Albania, I wished I could stay frozen in the moment forever.

There, honey was, and probably still is, an important dietary staple. Until then, I took honey's presence on our grocery shelves for granted. I began to realize how precious even the smallest things of this planet are and was honored to be asked to pray for the bees. I don't know the fate of the bees. That was ten years ago. I do know humans need to take care of this planet that we live on. If we don't take care of things, including ourselves, everything eventually dies.

Here's to life and the beauty of it. I hope my bees and dragonflies come back to enchant me in my flower garden. I also must talk to the cats about mutilating the charming little chameleons that hang out here occasionally.

What a Great Place to Be..............but which one?

Here is a sampling of the available fun in the area for the weekend:

"Henri Mattisse: A Celebration of French Poets and Poetry" This exhibit pairs the etchings and lithographs of world renowned French artist Henri.....with translations of the works of French Renaissance poet Pierre Ronsard and Modern Poet Stephan Mallarme.

Celebrity Blues Series presents Guitar Shorty at the Gutter Lounge. Shorty has worked with Ray Charles, Little Richard, Sam Cook and Willie Dixon over the long course of his career.

23rd Annual Crawfish Creole Festival featuring thousands of pounds of boiled crawfish and other traditional Cajun and Creole fare. .....Louisian Bayou country and zydeco music........

"Mozart and Margaritas" (This one makes me smile.)

"Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance" at the S. Theatre.

Family Day at Krispy Kreme.

Free Comic Book Day.

$59 room rate at 4 Diamond Resort, plus $10.00 in slot credits, and free breakfast for two.

Martina McBride concert.

"The Men of Las Vegas" at Chan's (dancing in their underwear).

Pompeii Exhibit

Music and Movie in the Park

Announcement of Contest for Greater Gulf Coast Arts Festival Poster

University Senior's art show

At least a dozen artists featured in as many galleries

.......and Cinco De Mayo

The first of a series of "Cult Movies" at the cheap theatre where you sit at round tables and can drink beear and eat hot dogs or chips & cheese while watching such movies as "The Return of the Swamp Thing" or Lucio Fulci's Zombie" .....and more!

How could one possibly choose? Which one or more would you choose?

A bit of this - A bit of that

Ok, trying the MS Word and cut and paste suggestions.

Saturday I went to four hours of the little grandson’s school carnival. It was interesting as there was some really great musical talent among the teenagers, former Montessori students. The art auction was awesome to watch. How would you like to get $900 for a collaborative quilt that you made when you were three? I bid on a large pottery bowl that was also a collaborative work that included my grandson – but backed out when it went over $200.00. My daughter won a raffle and soon we’ll go to the beach for three days and two nights (don’t know when) in a tourist area – a hotel right on the beach! They can go to the water park and I will lie in the sun.

Sunday I spent recuperating and watching “Daughter from Danang.”

“Daughter” was a story of a young woman airlifted out of Vietnam during the war. Supposedly these children were orphans, but according to the documentary, not many were. The movie was a heart breaker and showed a lot of actual footage of the kids and moms being separated to be flown out. The documentary centered on a young woman who found her Vietnamese mother and family. Her growing up in the U.S. with a mother who walked away when she reached her teens and who forbade her to acknowledge her ancestry was a study in rejection. This, added to her feelings that her Vietnamese mother gave her away, made her feel as if she wasn’t worth anything.

When she returned to Vietnam, she was stunned by culture shock. She wanted to be a nurtured daughter and was looked at by her Vietnamese family as a rich American who would take care of mom and help the other sisters and brothers. She returned to the U.S. disillusioned and unable to continue contact. The rest of the story…..that’s all I’m telling.

What else is new? I’m understanding what we’re doing at work and my books are balancing at the end of the day. Not very exciting, but predictable and the people are soft spoken and just the fact they aren’t stabbing one another in the back is such a treat.

My roses – oh, my roses! Stunning, stunning. I’ll get a photo or two in the morning. Large pink blooms on one, and dazzling reddish with yellow and orange tints in the other bush. I almost had them dug up. So, a lesson learned here! A rose can grow in the middle of weeds, in fact the rose looks dazzling compared to the weeds….

Lots going on, including this pervasive tiredness. Maybe getting up at 5 a.m. has a little to do with it. Not used to commuting and hour each day - I am working one whole week almost just for gas to get there. What is it with the U.S. and the lack of good public transporation?

Friday I am going to get the clotting tested on blood. I guess they figure the red blood cells are holding their own, no tests requesedt by the doc.

‘Night now.

Growllllllllllll

Blogger has refused two of my posts - time consuming posts - I'm trying....

Interview

For me, this "Interview" started up at Red's blog. If you wish to participate and be interviewed, let me know. I'll send questions which you can copy and answer on your blog.

Here's the questions from Red and the answers from me:

If you could pass just one pearl of wisdom to your grandchildren, what would it be? Mine the Bible and inquire of God, all you need will be found in it.

Could Florida really have made a difference in the presidential election in 2000? I think Florida did make a difference in the 2000 election. I have some very strong views in this area which I won't expound on here other than I think Bush didn't actually "win" the election.

More so, after working so hard on testing the software for the new voting machines that evolved after the 2000 elections and knowing that the software probably STILL is not ready - even though laws were passed to make States compliant by now. Seems to me the fiasco in Florida bought on the fiasco of trying to change all the State's voting systems to meet certain Fed standards, and now the last I heard, Florida is dropping out. And Florida is a crucial state. And even then, with new and different voting machines and procedures, I'm not sure it would make an iota of a difference, not anymore. I believe in my heart now that no election is infallible, that there are multiple ways to tamper with an election. Seems the Feds wanted to make elections more unified from state to state. Before that, the states had a lot of leeway in setting up their elections. Maybe too much. And in 2000 Florida decides who will be president? Not the people, but the political powers? Now, in the backlash and hindsight I don't want to offend Republicans but forcing the states to become uniform seems to me to be opposite of the Republican leaning to make states more powerful and government less powerful. My paranoid nature wants to stand on the White House steps and demand an answer. Perhaps the 2008 elections will prove me wrong with my election worries. I hope.

Our governor is new - so far he seems to be moving in positive directions. Don't know where baby Bush is now. (And enough said about elections since I've become at least a small poster child for political whistle blowing.)

If you could travel through time -- both past and present -- where would you go and why? Oh my, I would do it like the Orient Express - I would start at one point and keep traveling, getting off the train so to speak where I may. Why? Because I have insatiable curiosity and desire to know everything I can know. First hand witnessing of events - yes! I would hang around for some time in the WWII era - because that's when I was born and the period of history fascinates me.

When did your love affair with Costa Rica start? When visiting there about four years ago (I think). Before that, my daughter visited there two years in a row and raved on for two years about Costa Rica. I thought, "yeh, yeh, yeh." But when I went, I too fell in love.

When did you last do something that you knew would be scary, but you went ahead and did it anyway (and feel proud of it now)? Traveling to Albania about nine years ago for my first "out of the USA experience."

New Piece on "Art" Link

Family Trip

Note: More info: Tammy Faye didn't produce the "Eyes" movie, actually it was shown at the Sundance Film Festival and nominated for a Grand Jury Prize. The write-up states that the film "details the affair that ended the PTL Ministry of Tammy and husband Jimmy Bakker as well as Tammy's emergence as a hero to alternative-lifestyle communities. I wonder how one would link the two - affair and hero to alternative........, etc. Hmmm.

Well its Sunday evening and this weekend has flown away to wherever weekends go. Ex-son-in-law is mowing the yard, I found husband on top of my Barefoot Dreams robe in the study snoring away. Little guy & I slept two hours. Needed it, I awoke this a.m. feeling ill. I've been lying awake at least 4 hours a night fretting about balancing books at work.

Drove over to daughter's house to see grandson off to his prom banquet and take granddaughter her birthday stuff - they are growing up and it caused me some tears to see them turning into adults, though they are wonderful kids and will be wonderful adults. Had intended to stop at Farmers Market but took the fast route instead.

He picked out his tuxedo because it looked like James Bond's. He loved the patent shoes until he found out they hurt.

News from the County - they keep sending legal papers. They waited four months until I had left town to set a "hearing" date. They are insisting I show up for hearing, bring an attorney, and pay for all attorneys involved on their side. Hahahahahah. I've been out of work for a full three months. They want me to produce all paperwork substantiating my "claim." I didn't ask for legal actions, only asked for a hearing for cause as to why I was fired, and that by letter. Next thing I get is a legal document called an "Answer" and they want me to pay for attorneys for them. They broke? Do I look stupid?

They continue to demonstrate they are crazy. They can harrass, but by golly, don't dish it back. Sometimes I am afraid. Other times angry enough at injustice to push it. Although apparently from the newspaper the news I am getting indicates they are having internal problems, so what they reap, they will sow. Million(s) disappearing from the assessment roles? What happened? Not a small miscalculation.
Enough of that.

Tammy Faye Baker

I used to sit down and sometimes my channel surfing would lead me to the PTL Club network. I didn't watch it for long as Tammy Faye reminded me too much of myself, overly emotional - THAT side of me. Sometimes I would get sort of fascinated contemplating a woman gutsy enough to do her eyes like that.

During the 80's, during the Bakers' rise and fall I rather self-righteously sniffed at people who had so much, yet they screw it up, ya know? Then when Falwell went in to take over the ministry I started paying some attention - as I personally think Falwell has a, well, a problem - rather he thinks he's pretty fine and everyone else has a problem. That IS his problem. It was kind of like watching a shark come in to finish off a wounded manatee.

Anyway, I didn't give the Bakers much thought except to feel compassion as they worked their way out of such a fall - Jim Baker's book was a good read and I began to think more of him. He wasn't one of those evangelists that think they can do anything to embarrass Christianity and then come back and continue to walk on water. This man was truly humbled.

Tammy? Well, I heard she began running with the gay crowd, her necklines were worn much too low - and those eyes? Yah. Still thick and black and mostly mascara. I don't know what made me bring the movie "The Eyes of Tammy Faye Baker" to the top of my movie watching queue. I LOVED the movie! So honest, so earthy, so HUMAN! And I realized this woman lives humanity, loves humanity, and my heart grew warm toward her. I cried as her daughter told how she slept in the hospital next to her mom, Tammy, as she went through a bout with cancer and how that time bought them so close together. I cried as I watched her brave struggles, her genious and talent that contributed toward the largest Christian broadcasting network in the world at one time. I cried as I watched her survive her husband's affair and the mockery and shunning she endured. Yet, she comes out still larger than life and glorious.

She was innovative and loved too much for most people. She reached out to the gays when the AIDS crises began and caused so much anguish for so many, and she boldly reached out, she didn't care what anyone thought - in the name of love. Wow.

Ahh, here's to ya, Tammy Faye. The pic at the top was captured off of a website of a person that is into "shrine" art. I have never thought of shrine art. I wish I had the URL - this dang new version of IE doesn't let you see the URL. Kind of like labs that take your blood and you pay, but only the doctor gets to know the results.

Anyway, its worth a visit. Tammy's movie is worth a visit. Love ya'll.

Krispy Kreme Donuts

When I first moved south, part of the local tradition was a Krispy Kreme Donut treat. At first I thought people were nuts - surely Dunkin Donuts were the best. But as time wore on, I became a died-in-the-wool Krispy Kreme believer. When I came for a visit, the rounds always included Krispy Kreme. I guess they are indigent especially to the South, but let me tell you they were literally unknown in the mountains.

Today was the grand opening of the new KK building, as the old one had been pretty well done in by a hurricane. But, some of us mourn the old one with so much "character" where you had to squeeze in behind the stools at the counter to pay for your prizes. One man even camped in front of the store today to be THE ONE to get the first donut from the new building. I'm waiting for a week before buying ONE, yes, only ONE donut for myself. The little fellows are quite addictive - before you know it, you can put down four and feel very woozy, stuffed, and have the "oh, I wish I hadn't done that" syndrom.

Sunday I fell on my rump and my tailbone is beyond sore. At first, I was terrified I'd injured my back again - but so far so good, it feels strong. But my bottom is soooooooo owwwwie. I think I should live in a bubble suit maybe.

Take care, going to go lay on my side for a while.

A Little Bit O Everything

Ahhh, working is eating my lunch so to speak. Acckkk. However after a little over two weeks of my brain seriously hurting, sort of like studying algebra, I can now balance pretty much to the penny, and my brain doesn't hurt so bad. I remember my yummy marketing professor - he said math is easy, all you have to do is count. Well, I was too embarrassed to confess that I am "counting handicapped." Yup.

I blogged last night, but was using AO-hell, and lost the blog, along with various emails I was composing. Next, I have no checks and need to pay bills. I have lost the password to my bill payment program at the bank. Cute. BUT, the house is clean, so clean. Rosa, I love YOU, if you are reading this. Still have to get lots of repairs done, but - there is hope!

The lost blog was a run-down of "Daughter from Danang." Tear jerker and thought provoker. Seems like many airlifted "orphans" from the VietNam war era were not orphans at all. Maybe I'll write about the movie again later.

Locked the keys (both sets) in the car tonight - I gave "Onstar" a try, and after a phone call, I went to the yard to watch - and, like magic, my locks popped up and I was able to access the car. Oh, for cool. Every month I get a report on how the car is operating. Shameless luxury. I sure would like to have the XM radio too, because it has the best ever blues channel.

Hubby pouted over the cost - whooo - $16 a month for Onstar. I think it is cheaper than locksmiths, towing trucks, stolen car locater, taking the car into the garage for diagnostics - oh, well, I pay for it, why should he pout.

The next wandering here leads me to an upcoming festival - the Crawfish and Seafood Festival. Lots of both of those and art and crafts will lure me to the park and lovely downtown streets. Grandson's school carnival kept me entertained for four hours Saturday. Montessori puts out some pretty bright kids. The teenaged musicians were fabulous. Art, from the 2 year old preschool on up auctioned off for as much as $900.00 per item - that for a quilt made by the 3-6 year olds. I tried to buy a hand painted pottery dish that grandson collaborated on, but when the price went to $250.00 I had to back down.

Enough! I have to pay bills. Really do.

Barricades to a good night's sleep

The name of the spy book is "Sisterhood of Spies" by Elizabeth McIntosh! Just found the book on Amazon.com.

This working is kicking my you know what! And I'm wondering if I will ever get it. I made it through Algebra by living in the lab. I'm not dumb, just slightly math impaired. I feel like ducking and running, but how will I pay for these silly meds?

What's new? Psycho bought home a half decapitated baby rabbit and laid it on our doorstep. What is that - a cat thing? And I thought in the cat kingdom that the girls hunted to feed the boys - so what's a boy cat doing hunting sweet little baby rabbits? He's a werecat, that's what. He is a lanky sort of teenage cat that likes to tumble and also be alpha. Now he's not only up against a cranky old Maine Coon, Big Mamma, aka, Miss Meowi is a bossy ol' gal and the two older cats beat up on him something fearful. Maybe the rabbit was a peace offering. Poor thing.

I need a place to sleep. This house has three TV's all simultaneously playing all night long. Drives me wacko. The couch in the room without TV doesn't feel good on my back. Actually no couch does it for me for my night sleep. My friend suggests a Murphy bed. I've seen some really sexy setups complete with computer space but they are expensive and I only have three walls, one of them being not large enough to pop one down I don't think. The do it yourself Murphy is not in my line of expertise. I can't even get people around here to pick their clothes and trash up off the floor let alone build me a Murphy bed. I'm thinking about getting a blow up bed - hahah, with air that is. But explosives are tempting.

If I weren't working, it would be better. I would turn off the TVs when he goes to work and go back to bed and get some sleep.

Tried the black eye mask and ear plugs, but then I can't hear my alarm go off and hubby is not only a snorer with the same decible level as a moving train, but a kicker, jerker, and whapper. (Yes, I KNOW he has sleep apnea, but to admit it would mean he would have to do something about it and THAT is definitely not a subject to bring up.) A bed to sleep a good night's sleep in, besides my friends and the scenery and wildlife, and my mother are the few good reasons I miss Wyoming at times.

Maybe will go look at daybeds for the study, but even daybeds take up inordinate amounts of room. I googled for "alternative sleeping spaces" and I really like the resort in Hawaii. Sounds good to me.

Oh sigh, I wish I could write intelligent and lofty posts like Candy Minx and "Voyages..."

Women in War

Just had a scare about as bad as coming close to death with a blood clot hitting the lung! I downloaded a "pack" of programs including the new Adobe reader 8 as I thought version 8 might help inordinately slow times for PDF files to load. Ooops - fatal errors popping up. Then computer freezes. Time and again. So vast wails of praying and hours later, I think I have "removed" the offending downloads - one of them being a Spyware program billed as "the best." Once that was out, she started cookin' again.

Scared me because I think all my software is packed somewhere, who knows where and a wipe out and reload would not be an option.

HNR - the little initials they use to decide if your blood is ok enough not to worry too much about THE clot - is still not where it should be by a long shot. I'm about to put out another $200.00 on more thinners. Finally got the doc to respond and look at the labs.

I met a woman at the back pain clinic today that is reading a book about the role of women spys (OSS) in World War II. Turns out she is a professor and is creating a class about women in war through the last century. Or something like that - doesn't that sound fun? She is going to loan me the book. When I get the title, I'll post it up.

Going to spend time with family now.......oops, one more computer thing - I realized how much I hate IE now - I downloaded Firefox and it has the window where you can actually see the complete URL and it is much faster than IE. For whatever its worth.

Weekend on the Beach

Brrr! The only people "swimming" were in the hot tub! A few "die hards" wandered the sand with coats on. Most of us just sat in front of big windows watching the waters change with the day...a most relaxing option it was. Most of our crew gathered and we watched "The Good Shepherd." I need to watch it again - my first impression although I couldn't hear parts of it and was interrupted lots, (that's ok) was that it was rather chilling. Anyway, on to work today - and the lab, and the back therapy place - and home. I hope my stamina soon returns and will meet the day!

HOPE

Happy Easter for those of you that celebrate - or Happy Passover - or just Happy Sunday! Hope you are warm and cozy and in the company of those you hold dear.

I'm feeling good enough I have some hope of functioning normally - for me that is, 50 mph! We'll start at 10 mph though.

It has been a sweet Easter - time with older daughter at condo yesterday - pics coming later - oh, its cold, everyone wanted sun and swimming so bad, and its too cold. They tried but shivered through it - I reminded them we have long, long summers so its not the end of the world. The view of the Gulf and soothing sound of the sea is balm enough. Youngest daughter planted plastic eggs here at the house and we had mini-egg hunt, and then a story of the resurrection, with even the cats curled up contentedly at our feet.

I missed the church service, hubby went while I got myself together and made pancakes. I missed this season of Lent services that I learned to enjoy in the United Methodist Church, the focus made the meaning of the season come home to me. Today I feel content, the rituals that comfort our hearts, that guide us, and assist us in the flow of life, that remind us of what we believe and even often encourage us to seek further for a higher purpose and to honor what is important to us are important to me. Yet, I am not rigidly held to them. I remember years of children, of remembering the Easter baskets, the Easter clothes, and panic to get to church, and get the right meals ready. Today, we'll wear our jeans, be together as a family, and not feast so much for the stomach but for our hearts.

Bless you all - - sending fondest thoughts your way for all the encouragement, ideas, advice, challenge to widen my world, kitty cat and art kindship, and much more - - - - -

Needles

The primary doc released me this afternoon with the rest of tests, etc. to be done "outpatient." Oh dear. I'm afraid I'll be fired before I start work. It the first transfusion caused a blood clot which lodged in the right lung. It took three emergency room visits to get the diagnosis down. (The transfusion caused clot is an extremely rare occurrence I am told) That transfusion also did not work - within the short time between the transfusion and the third admittance to ER, the red cell count was lower than it had been the first time around. Soooooooooo, into the hospital I went as an inpatient. Another transfusion later, millions (well, it feels like it!) of needle pokes in my body, a big bag of intravenous iron -- and here I am home now. Weak and dizzy.

In the mean time my mother is calling me as the County was mailing her certified mailings to notify me that I needed to produce all the "evidence" that I removed from the office. What evidence? Why my mother? When I returned to work my office had been ransacked, the computer was gone, my procedure books, and I was not given the time to find out what else had been "purloined." The new Clerk had stated in the local newspaper that she wasn't firing anyone, so why would I take "evidence?" Evidence of what? What are they afraid of that I might know? I really hope I don't need an attorney - or victims' witness progrm protection. (Just joking.) All I did was request a hearing from the Commissioners per our personnel policies to find out why I had been fired. I wanted them to say the reason.

So, when am I going to start having fun? DUnno. BUT am going to try to go into work tomorrow. Then oldest daughter has rented a condo on the beach for Easter holiday. I will join family overlooking the Gulf and perhaps get a book and bask in the sun. Couldn't read at the hospital - I was either being poked or on a gurney being wheeled somewhere for a test.

Going now, my youngest daughter is holding a needle saying something about its time for your Lovenox. (blood thinner) She informs me the drug is named so because they stick you in the love handles.

Time Out

Oops - Sheriff knocking at door, hospital sent out an all points bulletin - (joke) - they couldn't get ahold of me - I was sleeping - pulmonary embolism - gotta check into the "joint." (Hospital). Be back when clot dissolves and they loose me.

Weeds are not always Ugly

An early morning walk in the yard this morning to check our native plant patch netted this new bloomer - Spiderwort, considered an invasive plant in Florida, but charming in my patch with its delicacy. Bumble bees were already at work in some other plants. One of the banana trees seems to have survived, perhaps the other will soon come peeking through the old brown dead leaves. I love gardening, it is a quiet communication between me and creation, an intimate connection of mutual respect and silent thanksgiving for just being alive. Spiderwort illustrates that even weeds can be beautiful and thriving.


Feel as if I've nothing much to blog. Thought I would have gorgeous pics of the southern Alabama countryside by today, but as we prepared for the trip, I realized my chest hurt awfully bad and I was short of breath. I ignored it and we loaded up. We stopped at a popular restaurant for salad bar and neither of us could eat. My head was spinning still - even after two pints of blood!

So I called my daughter and she chewed me out for always doing too much and insisted I go to the emergency room. Oh no, not more hospital! Was she only trying to get even with me for all the times I insisted she take the kids to the doctor and nothing was wrong? (Family joke.)

I went home and took a nap and woke up feeling the same, so referenced the release papers from the day before. Ok, there they were - three of the symptoms that I was supposed to call the doctor about should they occur. Called doctor and received same instructions as I did from daughters. Soooooooooooo, back to the hospital I go. Another day shot all to pieces.

Seems I had a mild reaction to the transfusion and while looking for blood clots in the lungs, they decided I had an inflammation of the cartilage between the ribs. Oh fun, and I have to go to work tomorrow. More scolding from daughter about doing too much - well, I refuse to let life sit out there all by itself without me in it! The eerie thing is, is that my granddaughter is suffering from the same thing with the cartilage/ribs - perhaps it is just a new popular diagnosis (costochondritis) for chest pains. Maybe I could get a job being studied for annoying health things that happen to people.