Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wasn't going to post, decided to do a short one though. I've been busy working on building that business, marriage, new life, new body, - still - ongoing - not having built a business before and forging a new thing, trying this and that, etc., is a bit trying and I'm finding that I really have to set my mind. I also want to build that garden, build relationship, build, build, build in so many areas of my life.
So what is stopping me? I think back to when I was doing websites for folks, and think "Well, that was a business, I just didn't call it that." I didn't give my whole heart to it, so I didn't think it was a business. I just did it. I wonder now, if maybe I have a subconscious time line - ok, girl, time is running out, you gotta make it or not - no in between.
One drawback I have is analyzing so much I never get anything done. I'm buying nails, counting them, holding the hammer, tapping here and there, but nothing is happening it seems!
This time of life I am faced with all my self-destructive tendencies and a need to weed them from my life. A seed planted in the ground has to be watered and fertilized and protected from storms. Us too. So why do we do the self destructive things we do, why? It's an ancient problem; The Apostle Paul, thousands of years ago wrote wondering why we do the things we really know we shouldn't do. Sometimes the whys don't matter either, only that we find a way to stop doing self-destructive behaviors and do only those (hopefully) that build ourselves and others up. For me those behaviors include procrastination, living in other places besides now, negative thinking, neglecting relationships and self-care for "busyness" that leads nowhere.
I hope when I get it together so to speak (that shift into the next life phase) that I will fall into the routine I had in my 40's, accepting it, flowing in it, fitting into it. (Then it will be time to shift to another!) There is the thought too, that this upheaval is not necessarily a change to another life stage, but a whole new "being" paradigm.
There isn't much discussion about having to change to accomodate life stages. When one reaches 55 or so, then, and from listening to the few older friends who will talk about aging, (mostly my mother) to me it feels like the beginning of a fade from society and life as we knew it. I've always believed in integrated generations. Somehow our society has categorized and divided age groups up. Our churches are the best at that! It doesn't make sense - each generation has something to give the other. I am privileged to have friends from age 3 to 93! What richness I have because of it! I think I would like to, like explorers of old, leave a trail blazed for those who are coming this way.
Anyway, approaching the second "middle age", I think there are two choices in front of us. We can either get in the rocker and continue to fade or you can re-invent yourself and your life along with it. Oh, I so want to gracefully transit and not go screaching into a gray haired ghetto.
I see photos of gray haired people doing their thing - basking on a pier as the sunlight fades - no, uh-uh, no way. That is as deceiving as the Cinderella story perpetuated on the very young!
This was supposed to be a short post, I am signing off!