Sunday, May 27, 2007

The Vision Quest and another Fantastic Tale

Ok, folks here it is - the story that will put me on the fruitcake (unbalanced) list. But there is more there than the solid computer keys you touch.

Once upon a time, I was an alcoholism counselor. I had a field office in a county and I really really loved my job. I also worked on the Indian reservation. Being part Indian, I was accepted fairly well. I went to feasts and ceremonies that other whites were not invited to. I loved the stews with corn and the deep fried Indian bread and the smell of woodsmoke.

There was an old man that could not speak English. We spoke by drawing in the dirt with a stick.

I saw things that frightened me - like an arm coming through my car window. An owl following me from place to place - a girl I went to talk to laid out on the sofa in full ceremonial dress looking like she was dead, but I was told to leave her alone, she was on an astral trip somewhere. I did, I left her lying there. The following week she came back.

I ran into Russell Banks or Dennis Means (I can't remember which, Banks, I think) in a bar while looking for a mommy who was needed by her children. The lights were turned out and I waited. They came back on and everyone was pleased that I stayed put and calm which demonstrated trust. (Little did they know what was going on inside - or maybe they did). Mom called me a white witch, and I told her if she hated whites so much she should hate the liquor that stole her childrens' mother from them.

An Indian friend whose husband was going to trial for murder wanted me to go to the Indian doctor with her and we were to travel to another reservation and leave at midnight. We took tobacco for the shaman/doctor. The owl followed us all the way. He knew me, and gave me my instructions. The Shaman blew a wind over me and shook his rattles. His instructions were to not eat anything given to me on the reservation. Watch out. He was also a psychic surgeon and I saw various organs and wierd things sitting about in jars.

So many problems arose from two warring factions and each faction had it's powerful people putting curses on the other faction.

A tall beautiful brown man fell in love with me. I was dangerously teetering.

Soon, I began to feel pretty messed up. Being a spiritual questor, but not yet a Christian, and having been raised on horror movies, my first thought for help with such fearful spiritual matters was the Catholic Church. I mean, all the horror movies, a cross, a Catholic Church and garlic were the standard protections, right? I went. The Father there said what I was experiencing was real and that is why the Church did not want folks messing with such powers. He didn't give me any of the things I thought I would get. Later, I discovered that if one knows God, then we have power over the entities I battled with.

I packed up my family and left that area and moved far away.

But sometimes when I smell woodsmoke and my spirit tells me the other half of my people are nearby, I want to park my car, get in an old pickup and ride off toward the horizon. Sometimes.

Looking back, I think no wonder I have not kept a job for 30 years and retired - I look back at a series of places where there was deep spiritual battle. I used to joke about the last stint in Wyoming being a spiritual assignment. Maybe it was. I'm sure banged up from the war, that's for sure.

Out there a Mexican shaman became my friend. He always showed up to warn me of problems. He was always right. I knew he had a sickness and I prayed for him. He was/is a brilliant man who sees deep into other places while living a grounded life and running a business. Yes, I put up a guard. I did not want to travel anywhere by any other means than a car, airplane or my feet.

Well, my grandson is bringing me back to firmly planted terra earth, I need to make a bedtime snack and get him settled in for the night.


Hattigrace said...

Interesting. God talked to the prophet through an ass, too. He seems to always look out for you!

Gardenia said...

hattigrace, this experience was a catalyst that got me seriously thinking about God, realizing I needed God, not the "gods" I encountered in my mystical searches. This darkness was too much for me.

And yes, I have had a "message" at times from even the "asses." One of God's people in the Old Testament owes a lot of thanks to the ass who took a beating rather than step over the edge of a mountain, yes? (My grandson was just asking if ass was a bad word - no, dear, an ass is just a donkey, a respected beast of burden in some countries.)

One has to be very careful though. I just finished reading "The Beautiful Side of Evil" by Johanna Michaelson (not sure of her name) about this same subject (psychic surgery)....I would recommend that people be very careful when being exposed to spiritism, etc. Very careful. In fact, I would say - stay away! Unless it comes from the one True Source! We can get in deep theological discussions here! Sometimes the lines get really blurred.

I guess one has to look at the results to discern the truth. The Indian spiritism I saw resulted in death, chaos, poverty, (the "true believers" shunned the white's ways), causing anger between the two camps and "feuds" and wars that complicated lives.

The reservations remain plagued with poverty and alcoholism, drugs. (Guess all of our towns are as well, come to think of it - its the percentages that are a concern.)

It is hard to be born a native American. I guess it all gets pretty complex when we talk about the forced change of people's ways of living for years. I often wonder if I had been born black and separated from family during slavery times or born on a reservation and maybe sent off to a school totally foreign to anything I knew, again, away from family, all I knew, where I would be?

Anyway, thoughtful stuff.

Wandering Coyote said...

This was a really fascinating post, Gardenia. I'm not sure what to say about it. I get the feeling that you in some way turned away from one spiritual path and found another that meant denying the messages and meaning of the first. Is that a fair interpretation? If so, it kinda makes me sad...

Camie Vog said...

This post was amazing!!!!

I knew deep down that you were a wise one. This post proves it. Being incredibley intuitive is a hard thing to cope with. I do it everyday. Twelve years ago, I thought I was insane. I turned to a woman who openly spoke of intuition, for advice. She told me to take control of it, to get the voices to speak independantly of one another. That made things much easier for me. I have 5 guides who speak openly to me, another 10 who are in the wings, waiting for me to complete lifes lessons before they will speak to me. My daughter spoke to me years before either of my children were born. They showed me beautiful images of them. This, too, was confusing because at the time, I was married to another man and neither of my children looked like him.... When I met my now husband, I knew that he was the one, and immediately left the first husband. Both of my children communicate with guides, and speak "Shining Speak" (as in the movie). Mental communication with my son was so strong when he was much younger, he didn't speak words until he was 2 and a half. I had to make a deal with him, that I would help teach him to read, if he would use his "outside" voice to speak...
Ahhh...I should have emailed this long comment to you... I have so much more to share.

much love, Gardenia!

tshsmom said...

Thanks so much for sharing this part of your life with us. Fascinating!
Yes, there are other, scary powers out there.

Candy Minx said...

Awesome! What a story...and what visions. I love a vision quest...and the trick is does it ever end? I can understand that it would seem easier to focus with one god rather than many gods...all unpredictable. I like all the gods, the more the merrier...but being divided psychically is challenging and terrifying. You are such a sensitive soul and a lot in this post "explains" why but because you say no and resist doesn't mean it goes away...your intuitions still will sneak through even if you resist. I loved this post what an insight Gardenia!

Country Munchkin said...

This was a good post. When spiritism (Masons) was part of our upbringing, it is no wonder we would try to find the answers in spiritism.

You are one of the most Spiritual people I know. I am glad you found your way to Christianity. Actually, it was always there.... Waiting for you... Would be my hunch.

I am not doing so swell... I will be being Angel Flighted into Del Amo in Torrance, CA as soon as and if it can be arranged. I should be offline for about a month when/if that happens.

Four Dinners said...

Very very cool.