Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Bad Man Speak

I am currently busy writing a new language translation. It has been a life long work.

Examples of phrases and translations, hidden meanings depending on cultural assumptions:

"I am not gambling." "I don't know how that betting magazine that arrives in the mail got my name."
Translation: "I've lost too much money."
Hidden meaning:"No you can't have $5.00, we can't we afford a chicken for supper for the kids"

"I don't remember."
Translation: "Shut up."
Hidden meaning: "I really slipped when I told you how much I wanted someone else while we had sex."

"I didn't say that."
Translation: "Oh, no, she caught me."
Hidden meaning: I was mad over spending $50.00 on some medicine for her and went and told everyone I was dumping her. They were really impressed because of all the difficulties she's had the last year and one half, so they called her and gave her a warning."

"I don't lie."
Translation: "I don't know how to tell the truth, therefore I don't know I am lying."

"I can't talk to you like I can talk to her, I can tell her anything."
Translation: "I won't talk to you because I am terrified of intimacy, but I can tell her what a rotten wife you are."
"Hidden meaning:" I spent $800 buying dollhouses from her because she needed the money and then gave them to my children for Christmas presents, never mind they didn't ever in their entire lives ask for dollhouses for Christmas."

"Oh, those boxes and stacks and more boxes of books, CD's and DVD's, and magazines, and periodicals, etc. don't cost me anything."
Translation: "Oooops, I didn't think you'd notice."

"You spent all the tax money, you irresponsible B-----."
Translation: "I need more money for bills now that I've had a gambling loss, etc. and I'm really regretting buying you that new outfit."
Hidden meaning: "Uh, what do you mean the tax rebate hasn't arrived yet?"

Entertaining, yes? Best seller material? Definitely.

Note: One must spend many years with Bad Man before understanding the Speak, therefore the new translations are a ground breaking new book!

Ok guys, I know you are going to trump me one..........I'm waiting.


Vicki said...

"PepBoys/Schuck's delivered the wrong #@%&*** part twice today, I haven't been able to fix this car."
Translation: "I was gambling all day today, therefor I have not fixed the car. I will just lie to the customer."
Hidden meaning: "You will have to pay more of the bills now that I am gambling more (losing more) and not doing my job. But it is not MY problem, you are just unworthy. You need to work more."

"My shirt is not dirty. I put on a clean one."
Translation: " I want to wear this dirty shirt so people think you do not take care of me, or care how I look and sadly I do not know how to operate a washing machine."
Hidden Meaning: I want people to think you are a lazy b-----, and that I do all the work around the house and take care of the child, too."

It took me 22 years to learn the
Bad Man Speak. It is a hard lesson. But knowledge is freedom, and just think how empowered we are now, Sisty. We do not have to walk behind. We can stand upright and proud. We will in some way touch someones life and live ours with a full and open heart.

Gardenia said...

Well, the washing machine one, I have not heard - but I have heard very similar - its about assuming the position of the child, right?

I dunno I almost deleted this, but decided - oh heck, be bold - - and perhaps its not men per se, but just unhealthy people?

tweetey30 said...

I have to say I dont know what to say about this one. People are weird if this is real life stuff Gardenia..But then again some people pull this off all the time.

Gardenia said...

Yes, this is really real life stuff, Tweety. Other books have been written, one is called "The Games People Play." Another good one is "The Peter Pan Syndrome."

I'm very glad that this is so foreign to you - it means you are not living it.

devilsadvocate said...

You're right..It's unhealthy people...Maybe in your experience - or mine- it tends to be men...
I had to learn this, too.
ie: I am late coming home b/c (insert name here) needed a ride and there was nobody else to drive her.
Translation - I went out for a long drive with (name) b/c she 'gets' me more than you. I can tell her all about what a bad wife you are and how you mistreat me...
Oh yes...both of my x's were great at this....
Come to think of it, so is my mother..Both of them, actually...
Good for you, Gardenia, for being bold. This is YOUR place afterall :)

Red said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to put up with double speak and nasty remarks like the ones you mention. I'm glad you can make light of it (I wouldn't expect anything else from a beautiful, strong woman such as yourself), but it's still not right that you should be talked to like that.

What can I say... Don't let it wear you down. Big hug.

Say It said...

haha! these are great! I'm sorry you've had to seemingly learn these translations the hard way.

In my young days, I learned Playa speak

How about this:
I'm busy this weekend with the guys, how about I see you Tuesday night?

Translation: I'm never too busy for a girl, but I've made plans with some new thing. You've been relegated to the week nights.

Hidden meaning: I still want to keep you around incase the new thang don't work out.

Ya Think? said...

maybe i am over simplifying this and a little morky about it, but this seems to hedge on verbal abuse. Putting things back on others in a passive aggressive way is so awful. You get to feel like you are going crazy after being told everything you observe, see, and feel is not reality.

Vicki said...

I thought twice about adding my own comments. The fear of others not believing what you say, what you have been living is still strong.
It IS abuse, and of course, the classic response to the abuse is to feel that it is your fault. 'What did I do/not do, what did I say/not say".....
If this blog or these comments help someone identify what is happening in their life... then it is certainly worth the embarrassment of having to share it.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Gardenia said...

Thanks for those brave folks who shared - yes, these things are abuse. For some reason we have a hard time believing what is happening to us. But then the abuser contributes to that as well. And statistics show that many people who live this are amazing, high achieving, intelligent and talented individuals. Maybe with too big of hearts........

Some of us attract needy people who then strangely enough get angry at us because they don't want to change into people who are self-sufficient and responsible for their unhappiness and behaviors. Being God to them as they would have us be is a crushing expectation and one doomed to fail in everyone's eyes.

But its ok. We can heal - and will if we understand what is happening and begin to take a path out, and there are many ways to stop the cycle. Waiting around for the abuser to stop will NOT work though. And we can't change them. We have to move on in one way or another.

Gardenia said...

Oh ya, the Playa speak. Maybe high school courses should include honesty and character building - in case it gets left out at home?

tshsmom said...

I've learned how to translate this language too, but mine never involves lying, cheating, or gambling. Here, the language is all about avoiding responsibility.
Your soul must be extremely strong to survive this BS for so many years! You're my HERO!

Gardenia said...

tshsmom, yeh, well, add in "does not like responsibility" - I think the bottom line is that I'm not working anymore, and he liked managing my check and his - but that ended a few years before I went to Wyoming - we divided some bills and I managed my own money. It took me four years to get some semblance of credit back. Took longer to get some sanity, LOL!

Today I get a card that says, "To the Wonderful Woman I married." Is he bipolar? What? Or...maybe the translation is - you were wonderful when you were younger and stupider.
Gees, who knows. I do - its the cycle - mean, remorse, mean, remorse.