Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson in Concert

Yes, that's what I'm missing at the Wharf on the beach Aug. 6th! Now, putting extreme self pity aside,

Very dark chocolate bars with ground up coffee beans in them have become my self comfort, my woogie. Yum.

Recovery going a bit rocky. Have decided the dogs will never be "straightened" up - poor things. Added another special diet for the one who returned from the kennel with bloody diarreah.

Mother is getting around some, but this has knocked the soup out of her. Leg swelling a lot, but I think partially due to the four Whopper diet she won't give up. Tonight I'm adding meatloaf for her to the dog buffet repertoire. Thank God the boyfriend has found someone else to chauffer him about.

I finally had it this morning - she was going on about my son who had passed away, about this one and that one not treating him right (according to her book) and I finally got up and said, well, I think Rod would be very sad to know that you are still harboring such resentment and bitterness after twenty some years, when he was such a forgiving accepting person. "He loved you so much, I'm sure he feels very hurt when he hears you talking like that." Well THAT turned into, from her, "I'm so sorry I hurt YOUR feelings." Yeh, mother, my fault again. Aaaaaaargggghhhhhhh.

I'm still trying to get my bearings - coming here is so hard. I haven't been able to make myself go to the cemetery yet. When I get myself emotionally geared to go, I will take fresh flowers to lay there because if I take silk ones, she will remove them and replace them with what she wants there, as soon as she can walk. Ahhh, life. Life and Death. And the times in between.

Time to leave Safeway WIFI and go back to duties. Mercy, it is cold here - 60 centigrade - people in winter coats - I didn't have enough sense to bring a pair of jeans and trying to find a pair of women's jeans here in super long legs is a futile effort. I have tendonitis in left forearm and my sweatshirt is impossible to get on - I tried this a.m., it's a bit small, and couldn't get it on with bad arm. I refuse to wear my mother's clothes. Did that way too many years in high school and when a poor, single, divorced mom to make ends meet. Beige and blue with pink flowers will never grace this body again.

Odd, how when we are with parents, we never really leave that role of "child" even when we are cast in role of caregiver. I think it is worse for daughters than for sons - maybe not, maybe just in different ways.

Well, returning to "the house." Later - - - -


punxxi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
punxxi said...

I don't know about that, my husband is an only child with a mother from hell! He, however, after years of counseling can stand up to her and tell her to go straight to hell!
She just won't go.

tweetey30 said...

I dont know about that either.. I am an only child but my husband has 3 brothers and one sister. I am not looking forward to the day we have to take care of either my mom or his..

Gardenia said...

Well, I believe our parents deserve our respect but not to the point of disrespecting ourselves just on the point that they did give us life. Things happen - I have friends taking care of Alzheimer parents and oh my my my - I don't understand why we have to go through this - one of our bloggers takes good care of a mother who severely abused him in the past - and he has my admiration, I don't think I could do it. Only from a distance.

My mother has her good moments, but when she is bad, she is horrid. Its a moment by moment deal here.

Today (Fri) better - but then I am getting some time away - grocery store trips are usually part of the day - - - coming from parents who survived the Depression - there is a very big focus on food and the current political climate here creates an atmosphere of anxiety if one lets it -

Ahhh, back to duties.

Milla said...

I felt a lot of melancholy when reading about your son, I always do.

I don't understand why your mother feels she needs to be so cruel to you about this...

Stagg said...

Maybe it is harder on girls then boys sometimes??