Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Is Valentine Day supposed to be a day of love or romance? Or both? Or friendship? In grade school I looked forward to that day more than any other. I would take my hoard of valentines home and look at them over and over. With luck there would be a few candies too. Kids would scan the valentines for anything that looked like "love" - then there were hoots and giggles.

In other countries and other times, Valentine Day has been for friends as well as lovers, for children and for religious reasons.

Can romance and love be different? I think......yes! Its best when combined though!

Wouldn't it be awesome to have both?

But when I think of romance, I think of the movie "Dr. Zhivago," Frieda Kahlo and her lovers Trostsky and the man she married who devastated her with his affairs - Bogart & McCall - most of the time romance doesn't turn out so well.

Then - is it love that kicks in for the long haul? Who knows?

This is most absolutely awful - but I have to confess the most romance in my life occurred when I was not married. The exotic foreigner who wrote me tons of love letters, extolling my virtues and beauty. So he said. Romance in the forest on the reservation filled with the scents of woodsmoke and sounds of birds. Romance with the wild Irishman. The professor whose smile was dazzling and lit my days. The artist who wanted me to come with him to an artists' commune in Canada. Would I have married any of them - no. They were wildly romantic but poor long term prospects. Or am I afraid and have been afraid for a long time?

Why is it that often those that one should be most intimate with - those are the very ones one a person will avoid such intimacy with. Yeh, bad sentence.

The wild Irishman is dead. He wanted to marry me. I looked at his ex-wife and five kids and thought, "You've got to be kidding." That kicked in some reality for me. We split. A few years back, "H" came home from Iowa and told me, "Faber is dead." Then watched me closely for my reaction. I guess we are a piece of everyone who has loved us. That was my secret. That piece was tucked far away in my heart. I just said "That's too bad."

I remember:

The days with thoughts consumed by the object of romance. The waiting by the phone - (when we didn't have cell phones). The thought of meeting soon...........
of hearing a song and every word belonged to the romance....wouldn't it be nice if this could stay in marriage?

Is it possible to be in love with romance?

What is it all about anyway? Remember being consumed with the thoughts of someone? At least for a while never being able to see their flaws nor they yours. The heat of passion - the sweetness.

Valentine Day can have as much disappointment for some as any other holiday because of expectations. Anyway, I hope you have a Valentine to share with today - or you have a good book to curl up with, maybe a box of fabulous chocolate (yeh, just go buy some yourself if you haven't a box!) - have a good romantic read or movie or music on your agenda tonight! Fond memories. Or someone in your past, present or future. Or, grab someone, and MAKE a good Valentine Day! Might be the cat or dog....sorry, just joking!


Karen said...

Well you summed up my Valentines Day...snuggling with the cat on the couch, a good book, a giant bowl of popcorn (although I had chocolate at work), and a movie (probably A Passage to India). Sigh. Love? Romance? I'd be happy with a date. A blind date at that.

Romance is great when paired with love, or even on it's own but it won't see you through the long haul as you noticed in your post. I don't want to be labelled a cynic but I consider myself a realist. Romance is the ideal that we all type of love we all long for but are often so very disappointed when it (a)doesn't last, (b) doesn't turn out to be what we thought it would, or (c) we can't find it.

Candy Minx said...

Happy Singles Appreciation Day!

I think it is totally possible to be in love with romance.

I think many people are supersexy romantic but like you said not solid prospects...a solid prospect is someone who really loves to spend time with their loved one..not just sex...

I also think...most people are led to believe that love and hapiness are something they find in another person.

Love is always inside. Love always grown when a person acts with love in their everyday giving and smiling and helping others.

I disagree with karen because I think lov is eternal and infinite...we have all the love we dream of and wish for inside ourselves...and when we let it out it keeps on growing. It doesn't have to be sexual love or married love or friendship just has to be let out of ourselves so there is room for more love to enter.

Whether or not we have love in our life is completely up to ourselves and our own attitude towards life...its a wonderful secret that more parents and teachers should tell their kids...but chances are no one would believe it!

Gardenia said...

Candy, I agree, some people are constantly seeking happiness in another person and true happiness can't come unless that is within oneself. Same as love. We can even be loved, but if we have no capacity to receive that love, then are we are still without the love we seek. And to get love, we need to give love. There are different kinds of love too.

I love this: "There are three things that remain--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." Its an interesting grouping, huh?

I'm going to order art supplies, then I'm getting a coke and then do a Valentine night paint-out.

My World said...

A great read for this " DAY "...
Thank you, for me it's about, friendship...

Thank you for being my friend..


Vicki said...

Habba Balemtimes choo, Sisiley.

Milla said...

Beautiful post, Gardenia.

In my life love and hate have always gone together: I love my men as much as I hate them. But then again I have always had relationships with men who are full of conflict in themselves -I never get bored!

Ya Think? said...

This was a good post. I have long since forgotten the days when as children we exchanged Valentines Cards at school. I looked forward to it with grave anticipation.. Then life happened and I equated Valentines Day for only those who were at very least coupled.

I wish I had seen this post yesterday when I was sitting here rather sad wondering if I would spend the balance of my life in such an alone way. Yet friends gave me a nice Valentines card and gift. Perhaps my time would have been better served not feeling sorry for myself and sending out at least e-cards.

Thanks for the post.. It was awesome

tshsmom said...

I did a similar post on this topic last year.
I read magazines where women describe their most romantic moments. Most of their stories make me retch. The stories are so superficial and cutsie-tootsy. At the end of the story WHO cleans up all those scattered rose petals?

The most romantic thing a man can do for me is vacuum, or clean the bathroom, or cook dinner, or help with homework. These things give a woman some free time to de-stress herself. If more men did these things, maybe their wives would have enough energy left to devote to a meaningful sex life with them.