Tuesday, July 22, 2008


My baby is missing, my love, my darling, my kitty boy that I have had for 10-11 years. I came back from my trip and when I tried to pet him he would duck and run from me. I couldn't figure it out, what had happened to him while I was gone? Then I woke up one morning and he was gone - just gone. I was up from 1 a.m. last night until now, calling for him every so often. I saw hawks soaring and calling through the air the morning of the night he disappeared.

Daughter said she would check at the dog pound, but she didn't get there until it closed. I will go when it opens in the morning, then I'll have to come back home, then leave later to pick up medical records, and then return home, and then later go to another town to see the neurosurgeon. Perhaps Big Meowie will be there and I will not feel so gloomy.

I can tell I'm back home - the stress never ends - I'm so exhausted I can barely move. "H" has slunk back into his non-communication, don't bother me mode and is angry at me because we will have to pay COBRA premiums to keep me insured until he finds another job. So wicked of me to need health insurance.

Other daughter is furious with me for smudging her paint on her car door - at least it didn't scratch into the metal - I did not have time to get it to a garage to get it buffed out before I went out to clean my stuff out of my mother's garage as she arrived to pick it up after I left for Wyo. So she's not speaking, only to triangulate in my other daughter and "H" and they are all holding their secrets again. I left my mother's house thinking that I was getting away from all that triangulation - she has even triangled her dogs into her dramas. Anyway, I ordered 3 copies of "Infinite Love and Gratitude" - I will read one, give one to each daughter and hope for the best. I don't know what's in it, but I think, intuit, that we all need it. Life is too dang short to carry grudges around - I would think that they (grudges, bags of unreasonable anger) are very heavy on one's shoulders.

Went to see Doc Lovely today - he hadn't seen me for a while - a big grin broke out on his face - he was way more tickled than me....gave a class on fat cells around our middles that store hormones that do awful things to us - maybe that's why I feel down - I then left his office, ate two pieces of blueberry cheesecake, one piece of key lime pie, a handful of sun chips - ah, yes, I BINGED....big. I think I aggravated my starving fat cells and caused a hormonal riot. Oh well, I'll be fine tomorrow when I'm not so blooming exhausted and will get a handle on it once again. I think I better get my red blood cells checked again.

An invitation came from a friend who has a wonderful connection with God - to attend "A Time Apart" day ..... I need to go and soak and lay my head on my spiritual Father's chest and cry, (or maybe just rest and be gently rocked) I haven't cried for a long time...too long, it seems that all my tears have dried up pretty much. I don't know why. Too tired I guess. For now.


mister anchovy said...

I really hope your cat comes back soon, happy and healthy. Sometimes cats get scared and hide out for a couple days.

Vicki said...

I hope he is just pouting (something I am good at)and will be home soon. Ah, geez. I have one son that is not speaking to me, and the other has turned inward and won't talk as well.
I feel horrible that I was not able to help you, mum in to big of a hurry..hope she enjoys all that space that she acquired in the garage.
I read an interesting article on "survivor's guilt". Will see if I can find it and forward it to you. I wish that there was some way that you could come up and stay with me and let me take cara you for a while.
I am crippled up with my knees, my Doc Nicely wants to drain fluid and inject cortisone. Didn't have time to do it, had to get on home to babysit grandson.
I will keep calling for B.M. and praying that he returns to you soon.
Love you

Captain Karen said...

Hopefully, Mr.Meowie is just pissed that you didn't take him along with you. Fingers crossed that he'll come back soon, safe and sound. Cats sometimes need time to themselves as well.

Gardenia said...

Thanks folks, I'm on my way to animal control now to see if they have found him. There is no open water around here - egad I'm so worried -

Sis, I had them needle my knee once- no fluid - it was just swollen. It hurt like heck - hope they are kind and gentle and that it helps. Trips are rough with autoimmune diseases, yup.

Milla said...

oh i hope you've found your cat by now. Pisko went missing for 3 days once and it was like having a part of me taken away. I can live very well without a man, but without my cat...NEVER!

I am sorry to read about all the stressing out now that you are home. I don't know what to say really; I just hope the 'triumvirate' will see some sense in themselves.

punxxi said...

maybe you can take up boxing, and beat the crap out of a timing bag, picture anyones head there

tshsmom said...

My mother is a world champion grudge-holder! :(
You're right, life's to short for that crap!
I pray that things settle down for you before you blow a gasket.