Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson in Concert

Yes, that's what I'm missing at the Wharf on the beach Aug. 6th! Now, putting extreme self pity aside,

Very dark chocolate bars with ground up coffee beans in them have become my self comfort, my woogie. Yum.

Recovery going a bit rocky. Have decided the dogs will never be "straightened" up - poor things. Added another special diet for the one who returned from the kennel with bloody diarreah.

Mother is getting around some, but this has knocked the soup out of her. Leg swelling a lot, but I think partially due to the four Whopper diet she won't give up. Tonight I'm adding meatloaf for her to the dog buffet repertoire. Thank God the boyfriend has found someone else to chauffer him about.

I finally had it this morning - she was going on about my son who had passed away, about this one and that one not treating him right (according to her book) and I finally got up and said, well, I think Rod would be very sad to know that you are still harboring such resentment and bitterness after twenty some years, when he was such a forgiving accepting person. "He loved you so much, I'm sure he feels very hurt when he hears you talking like that." Well THAT turned into, from her, "I'm so sorry I hurt YOUR feelings." Yeh, mother, my fault again. Aaaaaaargggghhhhhhh.

I'm still trying to get my bearings - coming here is so hard. I haven't been able to make myself go to the cemetery yet. When I get myself emotionally geared to go, I will take fresh flowers to lay there because if I take silk ones, she will remove them and replace them with what she wants there, as soon as she can walk. Ahhh, life. Life and Death. And the times in between.

Time to leave Safeway WIFI and go back to duties. Mercy, it is cold here - 60 centigrade - people in winter coats - I didn't have enough sense to bring a pair of jeans and trying to find a pair of women's jeans here in super long legs is a futile effort. I have tendonitis in left forearm and my sweatshirt is impossible to get on - I tried this a.m., it's a bit small, and couldn't get it on with bad arm. I refuse to wear my mother's clothes. Did that way too many years in high school and when a poor, single, divorced mom to make ends meet. Beige and blue with pink flowers will never grace this body again.

Odd, how when we are with parents, we never really leave that role of "child" even when we are cast in role of caregiver. I think it is worse for daughters than for sons - maybe not, maybe just in different ways.

Well, returning to "the house." Later - - - -

Saturday 1:26 PM Central Standard Time year 2009

Wooo hooooooo what a ride!

Surgery went well - doc and nurses say she's doing great, but she's says not. On my way to hospital via WIFI stop at Safeway to check email, so I will check in person. I think she'll have plenty of company this afternoon so I'll fix her hair, put on a bit of makeup for her and then hopefully escape the scapegoating.

Dogs adjusting - they won't eat their four course meals and one howled until 2 a.m. last night. I don't dare tell her - because she'll be out hailing a taxi with the catheter trailing behind her. I think he'll adjust - he ate this a.m. so that's a good sign.

Another day I will have the dog duties under control and then the next day she'll probably be coming coming home.

I had no idea that she had disintegrated so bad mentally from my twice weekly phone calls to her. Mean and bitter and dwelling on everything negative and if it doesn't exist, she'll invent it. Perhaps its been the pain. The doc said the area where the plastic wore off the metal in the replacement was inflammed. However four hours a day of cooking chicken, rice, roast beef,turkey, boiling eggs, scrambling eggs for dogs is a lot of work as is wiping dog butts after they poop - I never heard of that - and waking up all night to make sure they are covered with blankets -

Well, this is a welcome to the phase of life many of my friends already function in - taking care of difficult elderlies. Hopefully as recovery progresses I will have a few more years grace.

My sis will arrive the 6th of August for some much needed relief - and perhaps mother will be enough on her way to recovery some sunshine will be able to peek through all those dark clouds. She will not in any way consider psych meds - and currently is refusing her therapy in hospital - so I think I need to check some resources if this continues. Hahahahah, like psych meds for myself!

She does have some wonderful friends who manage to remain friends - I have enjoyed them very much.

Escaped for a while

This is my "lair" of late - yes, Starbucks and Safe-way! And buying lots of vegetables and fruit. At least now my mother is off her Whopper diet. Right now she is home grinding up a roast for the dogs because it is too hard to chew all the meat up for them. Ok...grind away mama, can I borrow the truck for an hour?

Checking my bank account, blog - and EVAH so grateful for all your comments, dear friends, they were like a flash of sanity in this pan of goulash here!

Tomorrow surgery should happen if the hospital has remembered to order the parts. Dear God, I hope they remember to sterilize them. My sister used to work in that hospital and she knows. The up side is, I will have the truck and relative freedom for a few days while she's in the hospital, as the chicken, roast, and turkey will all be pre-ground for the dogs and she won't be wanting me to sit with her hour after hour while she talks non-stop with the TV on max volume.

Weather gorgeous. Flowers so love cool nights. Had to back off the long walks for a couple of days, I had jarred my back from circling the park to the point of pain. Also aware emotions play a big part in pain.

Been cleaning though - when one gets older eyesight dims I thought, so I have been cleaning black handprints, stove grease, etc., etc., until this morning she plopped down on the kitchen chair and started criticising the "streaks" left from the cleaning by the knob on the stove. Grrrrr. The silverware drawer was one inch deep in dog hair, aaack. But that may be because they are spoon fed and the hair was attached to the spoons. Naughty me - they are going to eat like doggies while she is in the hospital. One of them is going to the kennel because she was telling me how to break up dog fights. (She's had broken fingers, bites, a broken knee cap from separating fighting dogs.) I told her, I was NOT, under any circumstances going to separate fighting dogs - if spraying water on them didn't work, then she'd better buy me a dog size taser before going to hospital because diving into dog fights is not an option. Pouting. Then deciding to take the grouchy older dog to the vet for kenneling.

I enjoy Zoe, the one I call Cleopatra. She is insane for my lip gloss - so when I put on makeup, she sits beside me and fishes around through my makeup bag for the gloss and I weaken and give her a tiny wee bit on her little doggie lip, and then she gives me a kiss. So she is a pure delight - I would take her home in a minute if "H" wouldn't divorce me over it.

Well, if one can see the comedy in this, its funny. At least mother does have some modicum of self care going on (after the dogs) and I am learning to practice positive thinking and at least practice setting boundaries although that has never been something I could ever win with her.

Some of it is cute - the boyfriend - she is wanting me to order her sandals, getting out of the old lady sneaker thing, and then to paint her toenails - its a very weird romance, but then I've had a few weird romances myself. And its nice to see her focused on something besides dogs and the imperfections of her yard, house, neighbors, friends, family, etc.

It still leaves me thinking what in the heck we will do with her when she can't take care of herself? Also leaves me thinking about better ways to interact with my own girls and hopefully try not to drive them wacko.

In the meantime, I can't wait to get home to Florida, humidity - it keeps the wrinkles plumped out, family, my dear independent cats, friends...and hours on the internet - and like an alcoholic desperate to stay sober, I am taking one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Love ya'll!

From Wyoming

Quick Post. The hospital "forgot to order the part" for surgery (although its been scheduled for six weeks, so surgery was postponed to the 24th.

I'm taking lots of walks for sanity's sake. Lots of negativity, wow! Well, one day at a time as they say.

Lots of manipulation - like "cut (dog's) pnut butter bedtime sandwich into two pieces or he won't eat it." Me - "Really! When did he learn to count?"

"You'll take my friend to his physical therapy appointments, won't you?" Me - "No, I will take care of you and dogs, hauling your friends around is asking too much." Her - bawling, sniffling, "after I've done for you...." and more.

Found she's been living off of Whopper Jrs. Two a day. Buys four at a time, refrigerates them, and heats them in microwave, but cooks full blown dinners - chicken, hamburger, rice, scrambled eggs, pnut butter sandwiches, assorted veggie snacks for dogs.

Sooooo - thus, many breaks for long walks, as I walk up the street I mutter a lot.

I'm at Safeway (grocery store) taking advantage of WiFi. And escaping. A starbucks iced coffee giving me some comfort of home.

Its very hot in the afternoons, but mornings are cool and it hasn't been so hot I can't sleep so that's good.

Miss bloggins, computer researching, and playing and my Florida family something pitiful!

Posting this from the Wifi station at Safeway grocery store - clandestine and all of course - I am now going on assigned errand of picking up diet root beer and heading back to an alternate reality.

Till later - maybe during surgery the hospital will have wifi in waiting room and I can visit ya'll - suppose?

Countdown.....

Woo - tired. Trying to tie up loose ends before leaving, while squeezing in birthday specialness for "H", getting family to seminar Sunday afternoon, and then taking my turn at hostessing art gathering Sunday night.

Back to packing today and more attempting to tie up loose ends.

Trying to get medicine - I forget - there is a term for "what if" meds....pharmacy didn't have it....will look for it, then trying in trying $ on calcium and woke up barely able to walk because of muscle cramps, so hunting down a good absorbable calcium product....but just too tired to move anymore today. Going to try to get around a visit ya'll tonight. I don't know if the visit with my mother had with surgeon today was good or bad - she is not answering her telephone. May be angry with me for blowing the 3-5 scam. I assume she's ok - if I can't reach her tomorrow will call the neighbor or my nephew who lives in her basement.

Did have a wonderful time yesterday with family & friends. Been sleeping crazy again - 2 hours here, up wandering about, a couple more hours asleep and back up again. My soul prefers 8 hours of sleep - 10 pm to 6 am...not this wierd stuff. I think that's what is making me so tired. While dozing in the chair I gave "H" and grandson permission to eat over a 1/4 of the birthday cake before everyone got here. But then it WAS his cake! I think he and grandson even put in candles etc., I felt so bad for missing it! And they felt bad I jumped on them for eating it - oi, I think they did ask me...I was just in a sleepy fog. Trying to up load a video of art party - but internet not cooperating - I went a lower level in speed - can't log onto Coyote's blog - I cut back our cable and 24 channels which is our basic service is not very many channels I am finding out.

Oh, just checked weather report to figure out what to pack - eeee, 47-54 Centigrade with 40 mph winds expected this week - think I better add something substantial to the shorts and tank tops. Like a fur coat.

Wanted just two hours on beach today - to take away exhaustion. But it rained - and rained - and rained some more!

Puppet onna string...............

This is me - bag under arm - glasses - loping along the beach. (I've been told I really don't walk, I "lope.") Actually this is the avatar I painted for our collaborative painting at the beach - I obviously wasn't in the mood to paint. She is supposed to be a gray heron.

I've been so busy preparing to go to Wyoming for my mother's surgery - the circumstances keep jumping this way and that way - and I hate last minute stuff but I feel like a marionette being pulled by strings I have little control over. Anyway by Wednesday I should be on the plane, understandbly nervous about this for several reasons. I have felt like crap - that's blunt I know, this last week. Still not all the way back.

As I told my sister, anticipation is the worst of anything.

Yesterday my mother called to tell me she had a heart attack but was cleared for surgery, but what the doctor may have seen as heart damage could also be a breast. My first panic reaction was that if the doc didn't know the difference, I would cancel surgery ASAP. But what I did was call the doctor. Everything looks good for surgery - he said sometime in the far distant past there had been an "event" in the left side of the heart but her heart was working pretty well, a bit of blood flow not quite as it should be in lower base of heart, but the rest was pretty good.

So, while I had him on the phone, I ask what was the deal she was telling me about now for the last two years that they had told her she only had "three to five" years to live, and that two of those years had past since the doc's office had told her that. A silence ensued and then, did I hear laughter in the voice, the doc's PA said that they had never said that, and if that's all she had left, well, they could say the end would NOT be from a cardiac event, that she was actually in very good health. Busted! So when I told her she could stop worrying because there had been a misunderstanding and they had never told her that, she said "YOU didn't TELL them I told you that, did you? Well, yes, I, uh, thought it could potentially be a significant matter but aren't you happy because you do not have to worry about dying very soon now. I have a sixth sense to know when she is jerking my strings and I was right. Oh boy.

Will probably be a bad blogger for a while, at least until I get settled in there - and then after the surgery, I figure the nights will be long. I already have developed a habit of roaming about at night sorting paperwork, drinking coffee, checking to see what's on TV.

I've convinced myself I need to focus more and watch TV less AND save money for silly things like food, so I have cut back to 24 channels plus a few add ons - no more 70 channels. Grandson came to stay a few days and is in major shock. "H" hasn't come home to the bad news yet, haha. That means no more "Sci Fi" channel or "SyFy" as they have renamed it, for me. Egad. Will there be withdrawal?

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Last Weekend at Fort Pickens - the Leonissi

I run around with a pretty good looking bunch of ladies, huh? Ya, yah I need to get older friends so I will look younger! Actualy loss of body plumping fat has not been good in some ways. Still got cleavage though, LOL! We had a wonderful time at our 24 hour paintathon - I love these women. My turn for a painting party next week, Sunday night. Think I will paint tonight - haven't left the house today - what a treat - although I might have to make quick run to Walmart for lemons for water...and exercise, haha.

A joke started that we had our gathering in St. Agata, Italy - rumors spread - haha, and we wondered if anyone thought anything about such white sand in Italy - - ready to come swim in the Gulf Coast, anyone?

One of ours baked some of the most beautiful and delicioius gluten free desserts you would ever want to see or taste. We had healthy food - all Leonissi are fabulous cooks! Whoever thought I have would such a delight - spent so many years raising children - church, instense jobs, family, never took time to invest in friendships much - to my loss. But am redeeming the time now!

4th of July 2009

I've had the TV on too much the last few days - something I wasn't going to do. Whatever need I had by my voyeurism into the entertainment world's coverage of Michael Jackson's death has been filled apparently as I am tuned back to the real world. Or is it? I have heard a few vague reports that California is bankrupt and the government will be absorbing that burden in addition to the badly run financial institutions and auto makers mistakes. My understanding is that the U.S. government is broke - borrowing and/or printing money to continue functioning. So how do we bail out California, an economy which I recently read is equivalent to 1/7 of the WORLD's economy?

I mean, if I were a conspiracy theorist, I would almost think that Michael Jackson had been killed to cover up the disaster of the California situation and subsequent moves of government to straighten them out. To keep us shut up - we will start howling if we truly could see how serious a mess our country is in. How crazy would that sound - yet, we sit in front of the TV - at least I do trying to analyze the Jackson family dynamics while California symbolically slips into the Pacific.

There are dire predictions for America stating that the economic ramifications of California's mess will hit us this month. Unofficial unemployment counts are up to 13%! Our health care bill - well who has heard the details? I for one would like to know what I'm looking at! But I can't find any specifics, only conjectures and proposals and statements that the "details" will be worked out later. One reference I looked at stated that Americans could be looking at as much as $600 billion more dollars in taxes. So those who are lucky enough to still have jobs when this is passed will shoulder the costs? Why can't we vote on the bill when completed complete with details - what's the hurry? There are so many questions and so few answers.

The war, at least one of them is ending, so what are we going to do with our soldiers coming home to 13% unemployment? Many will have incredible medical needs - our health care system (which is evolving into something where only the very wealthy can afford good care) is tumbling like a twin tower. The injuries from this war are worse than any before, can we properly take care of returning soldiers? Where's the news on that?

As we go into the "4th" to celebrate our country's independence, we are looking at a country that has evolved into an entity far from what our forefathers envisioned, and fought for and died for. We no longer get any "real news" from the press. Truthfully Michael Jackson's death, Farrah Fawcett's death, and 90% of everything soaking up the airwaves is not going to affect my quality of life, not really, but what is not being reported on the matters I wonder about will most likely affect my quality of life.

I agree the medical system needs overhauled, but when we have huge greed driven mega corporations, including and especially the pharmaceutical companies I don't see the outcomes being much different - we keep shouldering heavier tax burdens as ordinary citizens, while services and goods become more substandard, where our retirement savings can be and has been stolen and we're just supposed to keep smiling. We accept thousands of immigrants with open arms (if unofficially) and our own citizens' homeless and jobless status increases. The number of people who beg in our streets in our town has exploded.

And it's not one man's fault as people who can't remember the last few decades of U.S. history complain about "the mess Obama has got us in." This kind of stuff doesn't happen overnight.

Feeding my family, keeping a roof over my head, adequate medical care when I need it, power to get to the store and doctors, a job if I can work - these things I need. I can live without the TV, our house has enough books to read for the next 50 years at which time it won't matter anyway. These things affect my life.

I wonder, is this a wake up call to Americans on this fourth of July? A wakeup to a country that has lost its identity or will we just keep sliding away into a dream of what once was? What will happen to our children and grandchildren?

If the prediction of $600 billion in new taxes and double taxing those of us who do have health care come true, then we can truly know that politicians will say anything to get into office and we can't believe a word!

We go into this independence holiday with way too many questions unanswered.

In the meantime, if I had a grill, I would grill some hotdogs. OD'ing on hot dogs sounds like a good short term solution to the part of my mind that is still messed up. I can make a chocolate cake with orange frosting and potatoe salad. But what would I do with it? Naw I would just eat it all. "H" will be working - I will be alone. Maybe I will just clean up the house and go to the beach and try not to worry....today is only Friday and I've tried to "do business" but "business" is closed down for tomorrow's holiday. I forget not being in the 9-5 world anymore.

Thrilled to Death

Thriller - Michael Jackson's life and death. After watching some of his videos without sound I am convinced that MJ's art came out of a re-enactment of his childhood as imaged through his mind. No wonder some of it seems creepy. Yet like so many, he made art of his inner torments.

I would rather he be surrounded by angels than demons - but perhaps like Elvis or Cobain, or Heath Ledger - the demons are what took him down. I'm sad, sad because children aren't protected, because sometimes they are used like objects in one manner or another. Sad because many of their lives are cut short, many don't have childhoods - only work, or war, or misery.

I don't know what he did - if accusations are true or if accusations are lies, time will play out the effects of his life. I'm only sad because no one protected him. Later, I think his friends tried to protect him, but he was flying away too far to touch anymore.

Maybe those who dance in his memory are doing their own dance to extinguish the demons, I don't know. Maybe they dance to say they understand. Maybe we all dance to the lies and the pain, dance to extinguish the pain. It doesn't work long term - but in the meantime, we dance.

Art in my head envisions a world of broadcasters with their mouths taped shut with surgical tape, taped for silence, and a coffin on a hill, awaiting its time to be lowered - and finally, for rest.

Children and War

My new friend's experiences (see Gitmo post) prompted me to do some research concerning children and war.

I found that most of the world's children do not experience childhood in the same way the U.S., Canada, or England and some of the other westernized countries experience childhood.

For many children around the world, childhood has become non-existent except for physical body development. Research has shown that the brain of a human being is not fully developed until at least late teens or even early twenties. What happens when a child experiences war as a victim or as a child soldier? Truthfully, I don't know - but I do know that around the world millions of children are abducted and forced into fighting wars and they lose their childhood very early in life. Some studies have shown them to be unable to integrate back into a non-war life, probably because of the ongoing horror and trauma of war.

Other research has shown that trauma experienced as a child through abuse, accidents, any trauma - may actually change the chemical structure of the child's brain which affects the bodily systems as well.

The U.N. has certain standards that, when captured in war, child soldiers must be returned to their own country. A friend of mine recently informed me that the U.S. did indeed return some children who were inducted by the terrorists and captured with those terrorists, back to their home country from Gitmo. In researching this subject,it seems the U.N. is busily working on an organized system to make this happen world-wide, as much as possible. Some countries refuse to comply with any U.N. standards.

Since my blog acts also as my "diary," I think I will use the next few posts on this, while much of the world mourns Michael Jackson's demise, I'll swim against the stream as usual and mourn for children who have lost their innocence and even their lives. In a way, this will also be my tribute to Farrah Fawcett, a valiant woman, also a celebrity of an era who stood for several causes, including the mistreatment of women and children....and later, cancer.

Here we go......"Many underdeveloped countries are involved in ethnic conflicts in which many innocent, unarmed civilians are killed. In recent decades war victims who are civilians has gone up incredibly high from 5% to 90%.(Defense Monitor) Worst of all, children are increasingly being used as combatants and fighting in these wars themselves. In most armed conflicts right now the number of children under eighteen are active in the army, and in many countries these child soldiers are under fifteen. (Defense Monitor) According to the most recent annual human rights report the U.S. State Department an estimated quarter of a million children, even as young as six have served in armed conflicts. These children are invisible for they spend most of their time in remote conflict zones that are away from the public and media. It's hard to find the children after wars for either they are killed, they vanish, or have been abandoned. What is really sad is that these children grow into teenagers and become more invisible from the outside world. These little children become adults locked within a child's body. Child soldiers are usually recruited because there aren't enough adults who are available or willing to become soldiers. Some are kidnapped, others are forced to join groups, and some even volunteer. Once recruited as soldiers children generally are treated as adults and are often inducted into brutal ceremonies, and are often humiliated and embarrassed. (Defense Monitor) Child soldiers suffer many of the same physical and psychological effects that war brings to noncombatant children. They are separated from their parents and lose their homes. They are exposed to violence, death, and are often permanently disabled. (Defense Monitor) Physical injury also carries additional emotional, psychological, and social disadvantages. (Defense Monitor) Yet the most severe long term consequences of children serving as soldiers may be their moral development. When the fighting ends it's very hard to place these kids back in a home surrounding, or school surrounding and expect them to adjust. They are in fear all of the time, and have a difficult time switching over from a non-violent life style if they are even to adjust at all. Governments must take or assist in the appropriate measures to promote children's physical and psychological recovery and social reintegration."

http://www.usm.maine.edu/~kuzma/security/welch/childsoldiers.html

More Later......

Brain Eating Alien Victim

Grandson's first video creation:

Saturday Night Sunset at Beach

Gitmo Tale

Well, it sometimes takes hearing something directly from someone who experiences it, doesn't it?

Last night we went to a wine tasting at a unique place - a cafe, complete with art gallery, bookstore, studio (that used to be one of my dreams!) and I met a man who is retired military nurse. He served in Guantanamo. There is a lot of controversy here over the president wanting to close the facility in Guantanamo Bay that acts as a holding prison for many suspected (and known) of terrorism. We listened a long time and felt that this man was sort of debriefing -

Certainly he had suffered a lot of abuse from the prisoners that he treated as best as he could to honor his oath to his profession and his country. He was abused by prisoners - many are mean beyond our comprehension, many are deadly and finely tuned killing machines -- he related stories that were frightening and those afraid of maiming and death were not necessarily just prisoners, but those whose jobs it was to take care of the prisoners. It is interesting to me that the stories of the prison staff's injuries and attacks on them by prisoners and the daily stresses on the staff of dealing with what they had to deal with did not make the news.

He, the nurse, was abused by his own countrymen as well because he did meet the requirements of his oath to treat those injured and sick according to his nursing oath. After all, some reasoned it is easier to kill a direct threat so the daily threat and fear does not erode your life away, but we are supposed to be more humane than that, especially those who are sworn to heal: the doctors and the nurses.

He related that the prisoners received the best of food, the newest and best of medicines and medical care that many of our own citizens can't afford. He related that workers could not play their own music if it was patriotic or religious, but the sounds of prisoners worshipping five times a day would echo day after day after day through the facility staff's heads and there was nothing they could do about it but endure it while being deprived of their rights to worship and listen to what they wanted to openly. Their rights were stripped while the prisoners weren't, in that particular situation at least.

He spoke of fear on a moment to moment basis as prisoners sought to kill and/or maim even those who were trying to care for them in a medical situation. Their networks would often extend to soldier's families being threatened even here in the U.S.

And he spoke of his love, photography, and showed us photos of beautiful sunsets - places he had found refuge from the horrors of serving men trained to kill and hate, and made art in order to heal from his ordeal. This man, this medical corps nurse, had been in many places, served in several modern day wars, including the Gulf War and Kosovo. The threat of daily harm and mental pressure for guards, medical staff and other staff in that prison from the prisoners was the worst he had been under he felt.

I really hope those prisoners aren't dispersed into our various prison populations on the mainland. We'll see. And I hope our new friend eventually heals. He will - because he is a healer himself.

I have a new perspective on the situation there. The terrorists came to our country first, killed 3,000 at least of our citizens. I'm not saying the response was right, I'm not saying certain acts of cruelty that our soldiers are accused of were wrong or right, (after listening to this man, I could only imagine the stress and pressure our soldiers face every day and still could never have a good understanding of it - sometimes we retaliate in incorrect ways, but none of us are exempt from that - it is a matter of scale). What I am saying I am thankful for being given a first hand account from someone who "has been there."

Right now everything associated with Guantanamo is being so strongly criticized and some politicians are considering dispersing the ever present danger that is resident there to prisons in other states, at least last I heard. Some of those prisoners were there because in war, prisoners of war are a result. This is one side of the controversy from a non-combatant personnel that often is not heard.

Dog Days in June?

Well, I don't understand it, but it has consistently been over 100 C. degrees by afternoon for over a week running now. Even my garden is wilted! We are wilted. Thank God for air conditioning, but I don't want to see the bill when it comes. No way.

I've just paid a ridiculous bill for TV that I rarely watch. But, of course, it covers the internet as well and a house phone. I'm thinking of getting rid of the house phone, I don't use it that much.

Youngest daughter gave me her Blackberry because she wanted the new touch screen one - I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this phone. All the keys work, I can hear, I can read the screen even while out in the sun! It never hangs up on me or flips me into conference calls with the first person on my call list, all irritations of the old phone. Super easy to use, interfaces with Facebook and all my emails can be read and/or sent from it, I can download music, take pictures, videos - WOW!

Maggie came for Father's Day and we had fun sitting around talking, watched Tyler Perry's Madea, laughed a lot and traded health hints. Maggie got me started on a cleanse which I am already not being very successful with, but we didn't start it right either. Its called "Master Cleanse" and I think only for the very brave and very strong in willpower of which I am neither. But I am sitting here sipping maple syrup, lemonade spiced with cayenne pepper and eating asparagus which was gloriously on sale.

This weekend coming up is our Leonissi paintathon slumber party - that will be loads of fun, we have a condo on the beach and I will take lots of pics to post. We paint a large canvas, and then raffle to see who takes it home. I'm praying to win! This will be a great getaway before the Wyoming trip.

I don't know how to pack for the Wyoming trip - the two years I spent out there, the summers were stifling hot, but my mother says its been cold and rainy. Guess I'll know more as July settles in. I don't feel like taking a lot of luggage or "stuff." Layers, layers will work. My sis and I are avid coffee drinkers - we will have to sneak out for coffee or figure something out as we both like a fabulous cup of coffee - ordinary coffee won't do, but I'm sure we will be grateful for ordinary coffee. I really could take a lot - like my water filter and my coffee maker - and magnetics so I can sleep better - but my gosh - I'm not able to lug it around. Could mail it out and back I guess.

Summer is going way too fast and I imagine even faster for my northern friends. Before school starts once again, I would like to rent a condo over night - just to have a getaway and let grandson swim to his heart's content. He's at the age however he would want to take a friend...and should.

My daughter, Maggie, has been great letting her kids have friends, friends, friends around. Her house has been, and is a grand central station for kids. Even when broke she's managed to take the kids on vacations - they'll always have great memories - vacations are one of the opportunities I regret not taking.

I want to host a painting party before the summer is over. I smile, it would probably freak PawPaw out to have that much estrogen running around the house...I would have to rent him a condo on the beach to pull that off! Actually since tourist season kicked in full swing, he is so blooming tired when he gets home, he could probably sleep through, not only a dozen or so women high on estrogen, but a hurricane as well.

Soooooo - back to pouring more lemonade and doing some Southern languishing.

Summertime - Heat Index reaches over 104 C

Since we can't afford a Koi Pond, perhaps a Mushroom Pool? Actually these guys are soaking and cleaning for a diet version of Stragonoff - that is under 300 calories per serving!

Thank goodness this green drink is almost used up - it didn't taste good, but its good for you!

Fighting over who gets to lie down next to me.

Grandson's birthday party - his stepdad catering to a little girl guest who insisted on riding in a pink "Hello Kitty" car - now that's a real man, one who will ride in a pink hello kitty car and smile! Grandson seems to have hit a marker - 12 years old. Awwww, my baby is one year away from being a teenager!

Yes, I've fallen asleep at the kitchen sink. Not really, just having back pain, and leaning back for a breather. Yeh, yeh. Thank you, "H" for the flattering picture....not. Oh well, its real, eh?

The video cam I was so excited about quit functioning after two days so I have to go get a refund. Cheap not always better. I will put a good one on prayer list right next to a new classy storage cupboard for study/studio, ceramic tile floors, and the disappearance of twenty more pounds. For "Someday Isle."

Garden is gorgeous, but the battle with evil bugs continues - I do not like to use poison as the dragonflies, an occasional bumble bee (they have disappeared around the world), and butterflies are enjoying it too. So maybe I have to give up some produce and go to the Farmer's Markets. Will post pics soon.

Preparing for the trip to Wyoming - our family has two surgeries this summer to deal with - one being my mother's hip repair. My sister and I will be taking care of her and her dog pack though neither one of us should probably be traveling so far. My sis was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and is in the midst of treatment changes, and there is no air conditioning allowed in the house because "the dogs might get cold." It will be hard for me to keep up my health care regime. I probably will be posting elderly care stories in about a month. Besides, the hospital is scary.....I remember my IV coming out, and the staff refusing to give me any pain killers the day I came out of surgery - a night nurse finally came on, an efficient angel she was, checked my chart and went ballistic when she discovered the day nurses were too lazy to clean me up from surgery or bring me my meds (I never did get the preventative antibiotic dose) and I quickly had my pain meds, heat packs, a clean, blood free gown, and was able to sleep. I would not leave a dog alone in a hospital in this day and age - - - so I am taking camping out gear for the hospital. A foam piece to sleep on if I have to.

Have to update important papers and put them in our "hurricane evacuation box" - a plastic box with insurance, etc. papers that will be packed during an evacuation. I have a gut feeling though, despite dire predictions, that we will have a quiet season here.

Prep for Father's Day is underway. Will be low key.

Having fun!

I am just being naughty. Just sent this Utube to an old friend. Ahhh hem.
Anyway, I just love Jelly Roll. I like to put on my filmy robe, put flowers in my room, string around the Mardi Gras beads, have a glass of wine and listen to Jelly Roll. No one ever said I wasn't a bid odd. Oh well!

Oh, it is sooooooo beautiful here. Another magnificent beach day. Grandson is here for a couple of days - yay, and I didn't feel like doing much, but decided I had better never waste the moment, so we went to his favorite place, the beach, then on to Publix for sushi and cucumber and dill hummus, green & yellow squash slices, a carton of olive salad, fruit for the trip home, and, of course, he talked me into buying him one of their fabulous chocolate, chocolate, light fluffy, cakes.

I've showered all the sand off, he's next to hit the shower, we'll have more snax, and he can watch a movie while I try to figure out the software for my new toy. We watched The Tale of Despereaux last night and we LOVED it.

The video cam is a snazzy little cigarette package sized, a bit narrower, video camera (can take pics too) that has an USB connection that pops right into the computer - no messy hookup! I have figured it out - except there has to be a way to edit the video....and I can't track it down in the software. It was incredibly inexpensive, I just hope I can edit. "H" saw it and thought I'd fancy it - I did. I have long admired "The Minx's" videos as an art form.

Well, grandson is in, coughing like crazy and begging more cake. Better find the inhaler and the cake.

The Brushstrokes of Life

Bits n' Pieces:

....World Convention of our company is postponed because of "bans on international travel?" Eeek. (Swine flu).

....Monday and Tuesday were great days with a friend who is my hero. She and her husband began a ministry in Guatemala in the early 80's and now 8,000 plus children are being fed down there, in addition to children in Albania, and widows in Egypt. Our other friends stopped by...he had been in an awful accident in Egypt. We listened to the story of moving from the hospital in Egypt to Albania, and then back to the U.S. I am amazed he is alive, let alone traveling as he is. Among other injuries, he has three fractured vertebrae in his neck.

We talked non-stop!

....Saturday and Sunday were lazy with not much being accomplished. I did not get downtown to get pictures of the Spanish Ship. My garden looks ratty, I tried to put too much in it. I need to fertilize it today. But I have been eating lots of jalapenos and cherry tomatoes - my prime producers, besides the flowers. I'm closely watching the eggplant hoping to get it at peak of maturity, but before the bugs.

....Suddenly grandson hasn't come over much - feels like having a child and losing it at age 12 - I'm having a very hard time. Number one is his well being, of course, and not mine, but still.....I am trying to resist going to movies and eating popcorn, laying in bed in a depressed mode and trying to utilize the extra time to paint, garden, and work on business and be a happy fun person when I will get to see him.

....One set of neighbor kids were here for babysitting one morning, and the little girl stayed to to art......the other kids are in Bahrain for a while. I'm told they desperately need help in the program in Albania and my ears perk up.......

....We went to a 30 year anniversary of a pastor we dearly love! I've made it through buffets and bakeries and I've been super at staying on the eating plan, but in four to six weeks only four pounds have toppled off and I'm discouraged. My visiting friend was smiling though, she says, "H" looks at you like he's seeing you for the first time".........although he is careful to assure me that I was beautiful 60 some pounds ago....uh yeah. So, why all the attention now. Well, enough of that thinking - its a new day, a new life!

Our pastor friend has a condition that left his bones crumbling in his legs, and he couldn't feel it and continued walking on them - now is in a wheelchair - I'm trying to think of how to approach him on using the water and the energizer in hopes he'll walk again. To see friends in pain is emotionally painful for me....so partially selfish motives here!

Our "Leonissi" all beautiful, sexy girl 24 hour painting party on the beach is coming very soon and I am sooooo excited. We'll incorporate a baby shower and a birthday party in the midst of it as well, and exchange wisdom, lessons learned, and revel in our "woman-ness" and return to life as usual, refreshed.

Life is unfolding like a series of paintings - my friends, upon seeing my house were delighted with the artwork. I am delighted they were delighted. Friends are becoming more and more important and I'm loving seeing friends I've had for years and have a rich history in our relationships.

I'm Star Struck

Remember the superman body builder I was so struck with? "H" felt a connection and offered him water a few months back, now here we are. He drank "the water" for 24 hours and absolutely could not live without it. He now is an estatic alkaline water drinker! For body builders, it appears that the water absorbs deeply and does not lie upon the top of the muscles for a while, which enables the competitor to look so sleek and not "dried up." He's pictured here with my up-up line, Fred and her cousin Carlos, who also appear to be quite star struck. His manager is on the right. I am going to be closely following the career of this guy for sure! This is my prediction only and I'm no expert on body building, but the rumbles going around with this sport is that he is on his way to the Mr. Olympus title.

Things are starting to move, just when I was starting to think, well, I'll just paint full time and forget all this! He joined our team! And I'm thinking, yes, people are listening. . . it will happen.

I'll share a secret - I have dreamed, do dream, of sending this water all over the world. I keep reading how many people die because of lack of drinkable water. Where there is a faucet and electricity - clean water that enables the body to withstand diseases and food borne illnesses COULD be made available and at the same time disinfect surfaces and wounds, I can't even imagine the impact - I wish for a miracle.